Of course the voices of doubt sound immediately (will they ever stop?) and from the beginning my legs were feeling like cement bricks. Still, I'm glad the voices that reprimand me and urge me to just push through are louder than the ones of doubt. So I just put my headphones on and started.
At around 11 minutes of the first 15-minute run segment I started to feel really unsteady -- but instead of stopping, I slowed down. I told myself - Just keep going. It's ok if you slow down, but don't stop.
I'm continuously amazed (and irritated) at how I can fluctuate between determination and doubt, between enthusiasm and apathy. If I know I want to do this, then why the hesitation? Why the voices of self-doubt?
I know I'm willing to work for what I want - I show up; I never give up - yet there seems to be something inside me that is preventing me from giving my all.
I think part of it is linked to fear of failure - I don't want to get into something that I know (think) I won't be able to do ... but I don't think that's the whole story.
There's something deeper inside that I still need to work on so that I can really dig deep and find out what I'm capable of. As always, the journey to physical health is not just about actions - it's about thinking, knowing, and believing in yourself as well as the process.
Still, I'm trying to focus on the positives versus the frustrating points.
I completed Week 6 of C25K. I'm ready to start Week 7 and can't believe I'm getting so close to actually finishing the program. It's exciting and intimidating! I'm just done with Day 41 of the Whole Life Challenge and I'm doing great!
Hi! Well, I have lots of ups and downs, but generally more ups than downs. I relate to that. However, don't let moods dictate how you think you're doing. Moods are often wrong. When I'm grumpy about my fitness, I look back in my fitness journal and find that I'm doing really well right now, considering facts not moods.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree (and love!) that there is far more to fitness than fitness itself. There is so much self-empowerment and capability going on. But even more than that, there is self-exploration, which has been my favorite thing about fitness. I really like who I am when I try challenging things, even when it doesn't succeed. It always seems to me that you are like that too.
:-) Marion
I draw a lot of my inspiration from you Marion! It's been a fun discovery process for sure :)
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