Surreal

Wow. I don’t even know where to begin in terms of describing what I’ve been up to and how life has been for the past month.

The one word that I’ve been using most frequently to describe the events that have been going on in my life – SURREAL.

There has been SO much going on that it has felt impossible to keep up. I’ve literally just been putting one foot in front of the other and trying to move forward. I’ve definitely been in survival mode – just do what needs to be done. No time to overthink (which is a good thing), no time to get too emotional (though there have been many teary breakdowns), no time, no time, no time.

Yet, things are getting done. Somehow, I’m making progress with whatever task I’ve got to do for the day. I guess that’s the bottom line, isn’t it. You’ve just got to put your head down and get on with it.

I won’t spend much time dwelling on the past few weeks since so much of my efforts to lose weight and get healthy has to do with moving forward, so let me just give you the highlights and then move on:

What has Been Happening

•  Ever since I had my car accident, I haven’t felt like myself. All of a sudden I found myself unsure of things (particularly driving) that I have been doing naturally/without question for the past decade. I lost a lot of confidence. It really shook me up.
•  The lack of confidence wasn’t just on the road. It had an impact on everything, even in my martial arts training classes. I found myself hesitant and scared. It was terrible.
• The fear led to a huge emotional breakdown during one of my classes where I just couldn’t respond to an attack. That took me back to my breakdown last August – which made me feel like a total failure. I felt like I hadn’t progressed or achieved anything. I felt like I was a fraud. It was devastating.
• Somehow, despite that breakdown, I showed up to the next class (despite wanting to run away), and I trained. I knew that the only way to get past the incident was to show up and work on it. So I did – I’m happy I did, but it was tough.
• In my quick summary post a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned a family crisis and a impromptu trip to Bangladesh. Long story short – my brother suffered from some sort of viral attack that led to inflammation around his spine which caused a loss of sensation in his lower extremities (he wasn’t able to move either leg from the knee down – no walking, no standing, no control of movement). After a hellish day (which incidentally happened to be the day before my packers were coming to prepare everything for the cargo container) involving ambulances, hospitals, and an incredible amount of stress, taking my brother to Dhaka was the only option for proper treatment. We just weren’t making headway at all at the hospitals here in Kuwait. So, after the packers left the house with all the furniture, books, kitchenware etc. etc. boxed up, I got on a plane with my brother and flew to Bangladesh to drop him off with my parents and to receive treatment there. I was in Bangladesh for less than 40 minutes before getting back on the same flight and returning to Kuwait – to find the cargo people already working to put all the boxes etc. into the container.

Yes, it was surreal.

Update on my brother

• He’s improving.
• He couldn’t walk at all for about 10 days.
• He still does not have much sensation in his feet, but he is able to walk a very, very short distance with assistance.
• He’s got a long road to recovery.
• He’s going through both a physical and mental battle right now.
• It’s been a devastating and scary experience, but we’re all just thankful that he’s improving.

Life

• I leave for London in less than a month. My cargo is already on the way. Almost all my furniture has been sold. I’ve still got a room full of knickknacks that I need to take care of, but other than that, I should be good to go.
•  The packing process has been both stressful and cathartic. I really tried to get rid of as many things as possible (including over 100 pairs of shoes), but I know I still need to work on letting go.
• I will still be working until mid-May. The semester is winding down, but there’s still work to be done. I’m sure I’ll feel a lot more relaxed once that is over.
• Despite making progress with packing, errands, etc. there is still SO much to be done. It’s overwhelming so I try not to think about it too much. I kind of just pick a few errands to complete for that day and do them. There’s nowhere to hide now!

Fitness/Food

• Over the past month my exercise dropped to 3-4 times a week.
• I haven’t lifted weights in over a month. I really miss it, but I just haven’t had the time to fit in that with everything else that’s been going on. My weight lifting has involved lifting boxes and moving them from room to room!
• My workouts have only been MMA (Kajukenbo and/or Muay Thai).
• I’ve squeezed in the occasional walk/workout at home.
• My yoga/stretching has been non-existent, and I am desperate to get back into it.
• My weight went up a few kilos and now it’s on it’s way down again. More than anything, I’m just not happy with how I feel. I feel flabby. I know that getting back into the weight room will help take care of that.  
• My food has been so-so. I’ve tried not to eat my emotions (and boy have I been emotional!!!). Despite sticking to mainly eating clean, the few bready and/or sugary foods I’ve eaten have had an impact. I know better.

So that’s the basic update from me.

Although there is a lot to do, I will have much more time on my hands, and I plan on spending that time at the gym and in the kitchen!