Getting used to Sleep

Ever since I was a baby, I have struggled with sleep. My nights were restless. I could never seem to relax enough to get a full night's sleep. Most of the time it was 4-5 hours of restless sleep. At the worst of times, it was 1-2 hours of restless sleep ... and I've gone through periods of time when I wasn't getting any sleep at all, just surviving on 10-20 minute power naps during the day -- and sometimes not even that.

After I cleaned up my diet and increased the intensity of my workouts, my sleep got so much better. Suddenly, I was able to get 6 hours of sleep without any trouble. The more I lifted weights and did my MMA training, my sleep would increase to 7 and sometimes even 8 hours a night. My whole lifestyle changed as I ate earlier dinners, slept earlier in the night, and woke up feeling refreshed with a good 6-7 hours of sleep a night. I would fall asleep immediately, sleep soundly throughout the night, and wake up ready to go.

What a change.

It felt amazing. I started to understand why people loved to sleep so much! Getting those hours of proper rest changed my day and of course they changed the energy I could put into my workouts.

In yesterday's post I wrote that I was feeling out of sorts. I think a lot of it has to do with not getting enough sleep again. Part of it has to do with all the travel. London to Las Vegas & Los Angeles and back ... followed by London to Bangkok and back. My body has been to too many time zones in a short period of time. For the past few days I've been feeling like I'm jet lagged all day.

These evening training sessions are not sitting too well with me. I just haven't figured out how to organize my food, training, and sleep in a way that will help me get the most out of it all.

Last night I finally got a good night's sleep. I got just about 8 hours and it made such a difference.

I've realized that I've got to make sleep a priority. During my insomnia, a 5-hour night would be an amazing night for me. However, now my body knows what it feels like to get 7-8 hours. I think I've become one of those people who says that they can't function on less than 8 hours of sleep a night.

I think with my current schedule getting that much sleep each night will be tough, but I do want to see how I can manage a full 8 hours of sleep during each 24 hour period.

This means that while I'm figuring out my schedule for September, the first thing I'm going to be blocking off is my sleep time. It's got to be sleep first, food second, and activity third (not to mention research, writing, errands, etc. etc. etc.).

I think for my birthday I'd like an extra day of the week please!

Under the Weather

I really feel like things have been moving non-stop for me for the past several months. Today is the first day that I started to feel really under the weather. I don't know if it's the weather change, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion ... or a combination of it all.

I knew I wasn't going to make it to CrossFit. There was no way I was going to be able to focus enough to lift weights in any way that would be meaningful. I didn't, however, want the day to go to waste. I knew I could squeeze out something. So, before thinking about it too much, I put together my own little  circuit of exercises.

5 rounds of:
100 jump rope skips
20 squats
10 burpees
50 crunches

No Excuses. 

That was it. I'm glad I did it, but after showering and getting into my lounge clothes I knew that I had had it. I am wiped out. I'm so glad I prepared dinner earlier today. Now I'm just waiting to eat, relax a bit, and hopefully go to be early and get a LONG overdue restful good night's sleep.

Not Enough

Today is the second day in a row where I'm starting it with less than 3 hours of sleep at night and ending it with just about 1,000 calories eaten -- both those things need to change.

I'm struggling in both areas and right now I'm just too tired to think about them -- I may post about it later. At this moment, I just know that I need more sleep, and I need to eat more.

Cutting out all the processed foods, dairy, sugar, etc. means that my calorie intake from my 'normal' foods has been greatly reduced. Now even when my meals are substantial (e.g. 1 cup of egg whites + 1 whole egg & mushrooms + tomatoes for breakfast), I'm struggling to eat up to 1,000 calories.

I simply have NO appetite. I'm still eating when I'm hungry, but I'm just not feeling as hungry anymore. I don't really want to eat just for the sake of hitting a number. At the same time, I do want to make sure that I'm eating enough so that my body has the nutrients it needs and that I have the energy I need to carry out my workouts.

Sleep is just as important. It freaks me out when I don't get enough rest (especially on CrossFit days) because I know I need to be rested to have a good workout.

It's really frustrating, and now I'm thinking about seeing a doctor about it. I just can't afford to be so tired that I miss a workout.

Today I headed to the gym to start Week 5 of C25K. It went quite well. I was tired (only 2 1/2 hours of sleep will do that to you) but I pushed through anyway. All the runs were fine and the walks in between were just enough to recover. Even though I managed to get through Day 1 of Week 5, I wonder how much better I would have done if I had gotten enough sleep?

I need to find a way to fix this.


In other news, today was another perfect WLC day :)

My Body Said No

I woke up at 3:00 this morning.
I really, really wanted to get back to sleep, but I couldn't -- so I got out of bed. I thought - why not enjoy the silence of the house?

I am not a parent and I know nothing of parenting, but for some reason I (am just guessing) felt like a parent must do on weekends when they think 'I hope the kids sleep for just a bit longer' - although this time it was in reverse. As 7:30 was rolling around and I knew my parents would be waking up, all I could think was, 'I hope they sleep in for a bit longer.' Of course once they're up, they're up!

I spent the whole day at home.

I tried to get a bit of work done, but wasn't too successful. We made many, many phone calls to different departments to try and figure out what the hold up was with my mom's paperwork. I think we may have made a bit of progress, but it really does seem like people forget what's going on as soon as they hang up the phone.

To relieve a bit of stress I baked a batch of banana-nut muffins:

Then to get even more stress, my body gave in at around 2:30 p.m. and said - SLEEP. Get into bed and just sleep.

I had really wanted to go to the gym, but I knew that I had to get some sleep before I could even attempt to leave the house. I was so exhausted, mentally and physically, yesterday that I knew I shouldn't even be driving!

So I slept for 3 hours! It was a wonderful sleep. I didn't really want to wake up, but I knew that if I didn't I'd really throw off my sleep cycle.

Needless to say, I didn't make it to the gym, but I did feel more rested and less stressed - two other important components with trying to be healthy.

Tonight was Dad's turn to cook. He's a wonderful cook, but he likes to use too many ingredients that are not good for you. Tonight, however, he refrained. The only 'bad' thing he used was vegetable stock. I'm saying it's bad because it's filled with way too much sodium for us. Still, he made plaice with dill and lemon and a chick pea/kidney bean mix. I added to it by trying out kale for the first time {finally found it at the supermarket!!} and added it to a baked sweet potato and cauliflower dish.

I definitely feel much better now that I've eaten something and gotten some rest. Hopefully tomorrow's day of errands will go smoothly!

Getting To It and SSSD Update

I started back at the gym today. It felt good to be back though I could have used a few more hours of sleep before doing my workouts. Still, I wanted to do the Body Pump and Zumba classes which meant getting to the gym by 8:30 a.m.

I used slightly lighter weights for Body Pump today - I haven't done the class in just over two weeks plus my right arm/shoulder is still feeling a bit sore so I didn't want to push it. The class was mainly help me warm my muscles up since it's been a while! I don't want my body to go into complete shock once I get back to CrossFit!

I then went to Zumba, which I also haven't done in about two weeks. I have missed that class!! I forgot how much fun I have dancing. At first I was a bit stiff plus there were a number of new songs that I didn't know ... still, once I warmed up, I was good to go! Shakin' my ass like it was nobody's business ;)

I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. I just vegged in front of the TV watching Season 7 of Grey's Anatomy (yes, I'm really behind!). The best part about having the hubby home on a day like this is that when the DVD was over, I just had to text him to come and change the disc for me. Yes, I was that lazy today! :) [He's such a sweetheart for indulging me like this - as long as I don't make a habit of it!]

So, on to the SSSD update:

I haven't even been back a full week so I've only been doing the challenge for 6 days. Plus I gave myself the week off from exercise, so as you can imagine, getting in 6 hours of activity was not easy. Still, this is what I did accomplish:

Weight
I have no set goal of weight loss on a weekly basis. I do know that I want to lose 7 kg (15 lbs) by July 22) so I'm just going to keep working towards that.

This week: Lost 2 lbs (which is not bad considering it hasn't even been a full week!) 

Tracking Calories
Tuesday-Friday I tracked everything I ate. Laziness got the best of me yesterday and today.
Although tracking was the challenge for week 1, it is something that I want to continue as best as possible for the rest of the challenge. It really does come in handy.

Reflections on Food
Damn those carbs! Yesterday and today I ate too many carbs and too much salt. These are the two things that really affect me badly. I need to totally cut them down this upcoming week.
Water intake is good but I'm not back up to my normal intake yet. I think this will change once my exercise routine is back in play.

Exercise
The challenge for week 2 was to get 6 hours of exercise. I did 2 hours at the gym today and I'd say another 2 hours of other types of 'more than normal' activity - the running around/packing/moving with my parents. So I think I can safely say that I did 4 hours this week. I'm not obsessing over the number because it was my week off ... I'm sure I'll hit 6 hours this upcoming week. It'll be another goal that I'll try to maintain throughout the challenge.

My plan for the upcoming week - get in at least

• 1 swim 
• 1 boxing lesson
• 2 CrossFit sessions
• 2 C25K sessions
• 1 free weights session
• 1 body balance/yoga/pilates class

Ambitious, isn't it? Fingers crossed I can get them all done!

Challenge for this week: Try a new exercise/gym equipment
Hmmmm I'm not sure what I'll try this week. There aren't too many things that I haven't tried at the gym. I'll hunt around and see what I find and let you know in next week's update!

Signs of Summer

I had a mega-relaxing day today!

Pampered at the salon with a mani/pedi reflecting my support for Italy's football team :)

Poolside for 2 hours with some friends - caught a mega tan (not that I needed one!)

Relaxed at home in front of the TV for a few hours (dozed off a bit too)

Headed to my BFF's house with our hubbies to watch the football matches of the night - gutted Italy didn't win, but at least it was a draw!

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole relaxing thing :)

Taking Stock

Today has been a strange day --

My big task of the day was to take my car in for servicing. It's been crying for one for quite a while but as usual I've been procrastinating. Dropping off my car was relatively painless, but the guy handling the paperwork really irritated me. He wouldn't give me straight answers about what the servicing would include or how much it would cost or when my car would be ready ... it was very frustrating.

Of course the car wasn't ready even when he said it would be and when he called me to tell me about the delay he listed several other things that he thought I should fix - so the original service which was going to cost $250 would end up costing $2,650! When I asked him if they were absolutely necessary (for safety issues) he said no. I had to bite my tongue to refrain from telling him what was really going on in my mind. He really, really pissed me off. I didn't want to go and see him again so I took my hubby along with me in the evening. Sometimes I think these guys at the garages don't take women seriously. At least I told him off a bit when I got to the garage but still not to the extent that I wanted to.

Anyway.

Since I was car-less for the day, I attempted my first day at vegging in front of the TV. I have to say, I'm not that good at just relaxing. I kept wanting to get up and do something but there really wasn't anything that absolutely had to be done. I literally forced myself to sit down for 3 hours and just watch TV. I know I needed the rest (the jet lag feels like torture) ... but I don't know how successful I will be at just lounging around. I think it's partly because I'm not stressed about my writing anymore so I don't feel like I need a break. I guess the good thing is that I'm on summer vacation now, so over the next few months if there is a day that I don't want to do anything - I have the luxury of relaxing. Anyway. I'm sure my attitude towards just sitting on the couch will change once I pop in Grey's Anatomy! I still have seasons 7 & 8 to watch!

My food was also a bit strange to do in that I didn't eat breakfast this morning (which is a meal I hardly ever skip) coz' I thought I'd just eat after returning from the garage. I didn't get back until around 10 a.m. and by that time I was starving. I decided to have an early lunch (leftovers from yesterday) but that had me full until around 4 p.m. I just had a breakfast bar and then waited for dinner. So my eating was a bit upside down, but well within my calorie limit for the day.

I spent quite a bit of time yesterday organizing my menu for the week and my general eating plan for the next few weeks. I've set my calorie targets at 1400 on a regular day and1800 on the days I workout. I even took the time to break down how many grams of protein, carbohydrates, fats, etc. I should be consuming on a daily basis. I've got my chart printed out, and I'm determined to keep track of all the foods I eat.

I also spent 3 hours in the kitchen taking stock of all the things I had and getting rid of all the food that has expired! I haven't sorted out my kitchen shelves in almost two years. It's clean but cluttered. Now my goal is to get rid of all the excess stuff and focus on arranging my menu around the things I already have in the kitchen. I'm a lot better stocked than I realized!

I really want to try to cut down buying unnecessary ingredients. There are some things that I buy in bulk because we can never be sure when the next shipment of imported goods will come. However, I've decided to be careful even with those things. I just want to focus on buying fresh produce and protein and use up the rest of the things that I have. Hopefully this will save me some cash as well!

I managed to come up with an exercise plan that will take me until July. It's not 100% fixed as yet because  I still need to double check the schedule for classes at the gym. There are so many different workouts that I want to tackle -- C25K, CrossFit, Boxing. I also want to get in a swim or two per week, Zumba, some sort of yoga/Body Balance class ... ya, there's a lot I want to do and I haven't figured out a sensible way to get it all in.

Although my intention was to rest until Sunday I actually got in an unintentional workout yesterday. It wasn't a workout per se, but I was helping out my parents with some things related to their move, and it involved a lot of walking (2 1/2 hours) plus quite a bit of lifting and moving boxes (1 1/2 hours). I know it's not a structured workout, but I tell you, by the time I got home I was completely wiped out!

Stayed Seated

This week has been totally upside down.

I didn't do my usual Friday workout of Combat, Pump, and Zumba. My shoulder pain is what mainly kept me from going - there was no way that I could do right hooks or clean and presses/shoulders. Once I decided not to go to the first two classes, I knew it was very unlikely that I would get to the third. At one point I thought I might battle the weekend crowd at the gym and do some cardio ... but seeing as it is almost 8 pm now and I've barely moved from my desk, that's not happening.

What can I say? Completing my abstract the upcoming Mexico conference as well as replying to several important emails took precedence, which basically means that I spent most of my day seated in front of my computer. Not ideal, but that was my reality today.

I do have to say that after resting the whole day and taking 2 painkillers, my shoulder is feeling much, much better ... hopefully I'll be completely ready for CrossFit tomorrow :)

Back to Normal

I went to bed last night at 2:30 a.m. and woke up at 6:00 -- 3.5 hours of sleep. Great. So much more 'normal' than the 8 hours I got yesterday. I actually wasn't tired when I got up. I think I was still a bit giddy from last night. The only thing that worried me was that I knew I had a long day ahead of me.

My students had their final exam today. It went smoothly; I'll find out their results (computer graded assessment) on Sunday. I hope they did well. I'm so glad that the semester is nearly over!

I  met with KD for our usual Thursday fruit salad lunch. It was a quick one because I needed to get home and get ready for my second day of CrossFit.

Before class started we were all standing around and chatting a bit. We got on to the topic of our age. Now, yesterday when I was in the class, I looked around at the other 8 girls (including the coach) and thought, damn, I must be the oldest one here. Most of the ladies are slender/athletic looking. It was hard not to let that get into my head, and I tried not to let it screw with me mentally. I knew that I would try my hardest. I knew that I had a lot of work ahead of me. I knew that I could put in the work and effort. Still, seeing others move with so much more ease (part of which has to do with not having as much weight on their backs) did make me feel a bit self-consicous. Then today, hearing all their ages, all in their mid-20's with one who was 31 ... and then me at 35 (though it was nice of them to say I looked like I was in my 20's, and I know this is because of my chubby cheeks lol). I just told myself, age is just a number. I've never had a problem with my age before. I'm not going to let it psych me out now. I just had to remind myself that this is my personal journey about me improving my health, strength, and fitness level. Focus. Don't distract yourself. Focus!!

We did several warm-up exercises and then focused on finding our max for deadlifts.
I managed 60 kg (132 lbs). I tried 80 kg (184 lbs) but barely made it off the ground ... definitely a goal to work up to!

Our WOD:
Ball to wall throws/squats [throw a 3 kg ball high up the wall and squat low as you catch it] plus jump rope

As one person was doing the ball to wall throws, the rest of us were jumping rope. We did rounds of 40, 30, 20, 10 ... by the last round, those squats were really burning my calves.

It doesn't sound like a big workout, but OMG - it really does get you breathless, especially given that in between you're jumping rope while the other members are doing their ball to wall throws.

My shoulder is a bit achy. I think it's from yesterday's pull ups. It doesn't feel serious, but I need to make sure and rest it a bit.

I'm still feeling a bit flustered, and even though I did set up a schedule for myself, I don't seem to be having much success sticking to it. The thing I seem to need most right now is rest, so I'm just focusing on doing that at the moment. I'm still working out and watching what I eat (though I'm still eating too much) but I'm not sticking to any strict schedule. With just over a week left in the challenge I'm not sure if this is the best strategy, but it's all I've got to give at the moment.

Easing the Pain

I was a no show at the gym today as well. The pain from my cramps has been increasing since February. Both last month and this month it has been so bad that I've felt very faint and vomited from the intensity. It's depressing to see my symptoms worsen each month ... and I know that my condition is not improving. I don't write about the pain each time I feel it because that would mean I'd be writing about it on a daily basis ... yes, I feel bad abdominal pain every single day. Some days are worse than others ... but at the moment, my hands are tied. I just have to deal with it as my ever-so-kind doctor said.

(I know that there are quite a few readers to this blog, so if you want an idea of what I'm going through, you can get the basic details here, and then read what happened here, followed by this post describing how I feel on a fairly regular basis, but I try to suppress it and/or just move forward.)

Anyway.

I would have liked to have gone to the gym, but I wasn't up to it ... I know I'll get back into it tomorrow. Exercise has become part of my routine/lifestyle now, so I'm not afraid that this is going to lead to a huge absence from the gym. I'm not feeling well. I need to rest.

The highlight of my day -- I finally had a terrific catch up session with my BFF. We haven't had a proper sit down in quite a while ... but today's 7-hour afternoon to almost midnight chat was a much needed, very cathartic and highly enjoyable break.  It was the best drug out there to help me get rid of the pain -- but also highly addictive ;)

Taking a (Painful) Break

I didn't go to the gym today. I just couldn't.

When I woke up this morning the migraine that started two days still hadn't let up, my throat was sore, I had a runny nose, my back was killing me, and I had the worst cramps ever. (Not to mention all the aches from yesterday's crazy workout). I normally try to push through the cramps, but it was the rest of the symptoms that made me think otherwise this time ... and seeing how the cramps and dizziness worsened over the day, I know I made the right choice.

So since I didn't workout today, let me tell you about yesterday.

I started Stage 7 of NROL4W yesterday. It's the last stage in the program, and I have to say, I am so proud of myself for sticking to the program over the past ten months! When I looked at Workout 1, I thought it wasn't going to be too bad. OMG - I can't even explain the type of sore I'm feeling, but this soreness is definitely a good type of sore.

2 sets of squats/8 reps each - set 1 @ 50 kg (110 lbs); set 2 @ 55 kg (121 lbs). I really tried to squat as low as possible. It was a bit of a struggle to stand up, especially with the last two reps, but other than that it was fine.

Alternating 4 sets and 20 reps of lunges (rear foot elevated on step) and push ups. I held 10 kg (22 lb) dumbbells in each hand for the first 3 sets of squats and then 12.5 kg (27.5 lbs) dumbbells for the final set. I'm really feeling the after effects of 80 lunges/leg today! OUCH!! I did all 80 push ups on my knees. I dropped all the way down for all of them, but the last 4-5 were a bit of a struggle.

Alternating 4 sets of 20 reps of barbell deadlifts and dumbbell bent-over rows. For the first 3 sets of deadlifts I used 30 kg (66 lbs) and for the final set I went up to 35 kg (77 lbs). I know that I can deadlift more weight ... but 20 reps is a LOT of reps. I struggled towards the end, but I did complete it. I used 7.5 kg (16.5 lbs) dumbbells in each hand for the rows, and then 10 kg (22 lbs.) dumbbells for the last set.

I underestimated how intense the workout was going to be. I worked up an incredible set, and I was also amazed at how high my heart rate got, particularly as I did the last few reps of each set. Still, overall it felt great, and I definitely felt strong.

I had intended to do workout 2 today, but I clearly need a day of rest before continuing the next weights workout.

On a side note, the in-laws and my parents came over for dinner tonight. To change things up I decided to cook what D and I would normally have for dinner to show them how we've been eating lately. So instead of the typical 7-8 dish spread that I would have made, I grilled some salmon and made a few veggie side dishes. Very low fat, but lots of flavor. It turned out really well -- but now I'm knackered. Taking another two painkillers and heading for bed now. I hope these cramps subside. Ugh.

Rest?

For a day of rest, today sure was busy! I'm so glad today was my day off from the gym as I really don't know how I would have managed to fit in a workout.

I finally had my follow-up appointment with Dr. T about my leg. Since the pain is gone, there really wasn't any reason for a check up. The main purpose of this trip was for him to check my shoes.

I didn't really need a doctor to tell me that my New Balance shoes that I absolutely LOVE needed to be replaced. They should have been replaced ages ago ... and the fact that I did that 10K in them really screwed me up! I've been looking for a replacement for ages ... just haven't found the right pair. He told me that the average shoe life for my workout routine is about 100 hours, which basically means that I'd need to change my shoes about every 3 months! That's quite often ... and it's not like gym shoes are cheap either! In any case, gym shoes are something that I'll definitely invest in - I don't even look at the price. If it feels right (and looks right!) then I'll buy them.

He went over some interesting points on how to choose the best shoe for me. Each person is different, and because of the overall weakness in my left leg (extra pressure on the pad of the foot, slightly dislocated kneecap, broken thigh bone that didn't quite heal (very long story there), and hip pain from too much dancing in high heels (sigh, those were the good 'ol days when dancing salsa was the main thing going on in my life) ... anyway. All those combined made my left leg a big more unstable than my right, so I basically have to choose shoes that won't aggravate any of the old injuries ... not an easy task.

He did not approve of my newly bought Nike trainers:

Well, at least not for high impact cardio. He said I could wear them on days that I'm lifting weights or doing a class like Body Pump that doesn't require much stepping. So, the search for the right shoes is still on ... luckily I never shy away from a bit of shoe shopping :)

After the doctor's office I headed to the supermarket. I had my list in hand and was absolutely ready ... until I got there and I was completely overwhelmed by the number of people and kids. It was absolutely jam packed!! I never shop for groceries on the weekends ... and now I remembered why. It was insane. I had a lunch appointment so I knew I would have to rush ... I just headed straight for the produce section - grabbed what I could - and was out of there as quickly as possible (and even then it took too long). I can't stand having to shop for groceries when it's that crowded. A second trip will definitely be required as I'm sure I forgot many things that were on my list ... still, dinner for tomorrow is definitely ready.

The rest of the day was spent tackling a few errands and tasks around the house. Although I had a productive day, I definitely feel like I need one more day of no obligations/work so that I can make more progress through my never-ending list of things to do!

Stage 6 of NROL4W starting tomorrow! Yay!!

"To sleep, perchance to dream"

(Shakespeare: Hamlet, III, i, 65)

Last night, I took 2 Motrin PMs and went to bed at 10 pm --- and I slept until 8 am!! (I don't even remember the last time I slept for 10 hours straight!)

Had a bowl of cereal.

Went back to bed at 9:30 am and slept until 12:30.

Had a veggie wrap.

Went back to bed at 3 pm and slept until 5:30.

It's almost 7 pm now. All want to do is have dinner (spinach and rice) and get back to bed. Obviously my body really, really needed some sleep, and I don't plan on depriving it any longer.

Sweet dreams.

Body & Mind

I'm in a dark place at the moment. Actually, I've been in a dark place for a while now, and I've really been struggling to find a way out.

My leg, which still hurts, is definitely getting me down. I've had to resort to some strong painkillers -- but on the bright side, those painkillers have been helping me get a bit of sleep.

I have not resorted at all to eating anything unhealthy. One thing that has definitely helped is the fact that I don't have any junk food in the house. I don't bring any chocolate, chips, cookies, ice cream - nothing - into the house. The worst thing I have in my fridge is a 90 calorie fat free chocolate pudding, and I didn't even resort to eating that ... In fact, I was actually surprised to realize that I didn't have any depression/stress-based cravings at all. I mean, you can control what you have at home, but what about the drive home? I pass several fast food joints that would be so easy to drive into and order something unhealthy to 'soothe me' - which is something I might have done before ... but now, it didn't even cross my mind. It's nice to be aware of that change -- and it's definitely a relief. Nothing worse than feeling depressed and then coming out of the depression 5 pounds heavier!

Instead, I've been trying to work through my issues - finding the source, thinking about the problem, and trying to figure out a logical, reasonable solution. It hasn't been easy. In fact, it has been absolutely exhausting. I think we forget what kind of relationship there is between the body and the mind. I've definitely been one who has been susceptible to psychosomatic symptoms ... so I'm just trying to approach things in a more mature fashion.

One of the trainers at the gym told me that right now the best thing to do is rest. No matter how much I want to be running off this stress on that treadmill, it will probably make things worse. So, over the next few days I'm going to be concentrating on resting - both my body and my mind. Hopefully I'll come out stronger at the end of this.

Rest and Recovery

Today was a much needed day of rest after yesterday's 10k. My legs were definitely feeling the impact of walking/jogging/running on pavement versus the treadmill - it does make quite a difference.

I would normally do my week in review today, but I'm going to save it for tomorrow as the main thing I have to say for today is ...

I finally submitted my PhD thesis!!!!

I'd like to say that I'm totally relieved but it really hasn't sunk in yet ... but perhaps a good night's sleep is finally in my destiny.

Gearing Up!

Today was a much needed day of rest. I'm sure that part of my insomnia has to do with all the tasks that I have yet to complete ... after yet another practically sleepless night I thought - Ok, it's time to get some of this stuff sorted. Hopefully it'll alleviate some stress and I can finally get some sleep ... and that will hopefully boost my workouts as well - Fingers crossed!!

Today turned out to be the perfect day to stay home and catch up on my work because I was greeted by the arrival of a few packages.

First of all, my New Balance sneakers finally arrived. For some reason, they don't seem to sell New Balance shoes here anymore. I ordered my first ever pair online - risky move, I know - but they fit like a dream. I have since totally worn worn them out. I wanted the exact same model again, but of course this time they didn't have my size. So, I've taken a bit of a risk (again) in buying this model ... I hope they are comfortable. If they are, you can be sure that I won't be waiting long to order a back-up pair!

My new Polar heart-rate monitor also arrived! I've been wearing a standard heart-rate monitor for when I do cardio on the machines, but I have nothing to measure how many calories I'm burning during classes like Zumba or RPM -- hopefully this will help!

I also got a few new gym t-shirts, sports bras, and a neck pad for the barbell for when I do squats (I would use the one at the gym, but I've seen all those sweaty guys use them - eeew.)

Of course a bit of non-fat icing on the cake was a new pair of heels - just in time for spring (which I hope is around the corner!) :)

So, after a day of rest, productivity, new gym gadgets, and shoes ... I'm hoping for a good night's sleep and a fresh start tomorrow!

Figuring things Out

I went to bed last night feeling very achy and old. I was relieved that most of the stiffness in my neck and soreness in my lower back was gone by the morning - thank goodness for Deep Heat! Still, I didn't want to take any chances so I skipped my workout this morning (I only had one hour of cardio planned) in order to rest my neck and back a bit more. It's still not feeling 100% better, but it is slowly improving.

Despite the aches, I went to the gym in the afternoon and managed to complete my 1 hour of

cardio plus Zumba class :) [Can you tell I'm loving the class?! I can't wait to get my new heart-rate monitor and see how many calories I'm burning ... with the amount that I sweat, I'm hoping it's at least 400 calories!]

So far this week has been great in terms of workouts.

This week I've also been keeping detailed notes about what I'm eating. As I wrote last week, getting back into the swing of things has taken a bit of time, but overall I'm doing quite well. I know that I've been eating properly, but I know there is room for improvement.

There are so many blogs out there about nutrition and diet ... people share their plans and their strategies (not always implementing them though) and others comment and ask for advice. I think the bottom line is that you need to figure out a diet and exercise routine that works for you. The other thing to remember is that change, particularly proper weight loss, takes time. You can't expect the ten pounds you drop in one week on a liquid diet to stay off forever unless you make changes to what you eat/how you exercise for the remaining weeks of the year (your life).

For me, even if I'm on a low-calorie diet, if I don't exercise, the weight won't come off. I'll lose a few pounds, but then I'll stop. I have to exercise. I absolutely have to exercise ... plus watch what I eat. I know some people who can literally eat whatever they want and not gain any weight. I am definitely not one of those people! I also know people who can just cut a 200-300 calories from their diet and start to drop pounds ... again, that's not me.

I have to exercise hard and watch what I eat.

It has taken me time and it has taken a lot of practice, and I still have not perfected my routine. I am, however, getting better.

This week I have been focusing a lot on what I'm eating to make sure I'm getting the right amount of nutrition. I really, really, really need to up my protein intake. I'm getting half the required amount -- the real struggle lies in trying to figure out how to add protein without adding the calories.

According to the NROL4W program that I'm following, I should be eating around 1,800 calories a day (on a regular day when I don't exercise) and about 2,100 on days that I do a hard workout.

Yes, you read those numbers right.

Even if I stuffed myself I don't think I'd be able to eat that many calories. In my mind, 1,200-1,500 calories sounds good to me. The number 1,800 sounds insane ... as does 2,100. In any case, I promised myself that I would trust this process and follow the routine and the nutritional advice as suggested ... but I am struggling. I would love to completely trust the process, but my mind just does not want to accept eating that many calories ... we'll see how it goes. The true test is in the scale I guess.

In the meantime, I'm just watching what I eat. I need to eat more protein and lower my carb and saturated fat count a bit more - they're slightly higher than I'd like.

I guess the weigh-in on Sunday will give me a clue as to how this is working.

Recovery

Today was a recovery day for me. I didn't get much sleep this week, and my routine was all over the place ... I was hoping by this afternoon I'd feel up to a workout ... but it wasn't happening ... so today I just relaxed. I think what I really need is a good night's sleep.

On the food front, however, it's all been fine. Lots and lots of water -- and leftover fruit from last night's Edible Bouquet arrangement that I received instead of a birthday cake.

I think it's a great idea as to still have something special on your birthday, but not risk overindulging in icing etc. It was unique, beautiful, tasty, and guilt-free (I didn't even have the chocolate covered ones)!

Cry for Relief

I had every intention of going to the gym this morning for one last holiday workout before starting off on my string of train rides (which I'm starting to get quite sick of) but my body had other plans. The soreness started to set in last night after all the traveling and running around in the rain. It wasn't just my legs that were sore, it was my whole body ... and my mind.

I didn't sleep well last night as I was preoccupied with all the events of yesterday - both my mock viva and all the news I got at the doctor's office. I feel very overwhelmed. I went through pretty much the whole day feeling numb, and then, of all the times to happen, a few tears escaped while I was sitting and talking to my supervisor. I didn't expect that to happen. I was holding everything in, just waiting until I was at the airport/on the plane so that I could actually have a few moments to myself to process everything ... but I guess that's life, isn't it?

I don't remember exactly what happened or what prompted it, but all I can remember is me dabbing my eyes and muttering to myself 'I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be ok.' I realize now that I was repeating that phrase trying to convince myself and not my supervisor that I was going to be ok. Am I? I'm not sure.

I feel like I've spent so much of the past year (few years?) just trying to get through each day. One step at a time. Keep moving. Keep pushing. It's all taking such a lot of effort - is it all supposed to be this hard? I'm just trying to figure out how much more can happen? Yes, I can deal with things. Yes, I am strong. Fine. But still. It's not easy. Getting through each day doesn't mean that I have processed it all; it doesn't meant that I'm ok with what's happening around me.

Anyway ... I'm sitting here at Heathrow Airport trying to figure out my next step. I know I make it sound like it's just been one drama after another and I haven't been enjoying life ... that's not true. What I do think has been happening is that I haven't taken the time to appreciate the good times ... and I haven't been giving myself enough time to process the more challenging times ... so what happens is something like today - when all of a sudden the vulnerability hits and I can't help those falling tears.

I think I need to give myself a bit of breathing room. I need to figure out how to maximize the time and effort I'm putting into my work/work outs in a way that doesn't burn me out and in a way that allows me to actually enjoy what I'm doing rather than just move forward on autopilot. It may help ease some of the pressure that I've been putting on myself ... I'm not sure if it'll work or if I'll be able to do this ... but it's something I'll think about during my flight.

I can't wait to get back to warmer weather, my Mac, and the gym!!

Resting for Tomorrow

I've been feeling exhausted all day today. I think part of it is mild jet-lag and the exhaustion I was feeling before traveling that has added up. Plus the weekend in London with all the walking and excitement didn't help me rest either. Anyway. Today I'm catching up on my sleep and preparing for tomorrow's official fitness test.

I've booked a full fitness test and health evaluation for tomorrow at one of the private hospitals here in London. I've been at this plateau weight for so long that I thought it would be worth getting a full check-up to see what's happening and hopefully get some advice on how to make my workouts more effective and also get some tips about improving my nutrition. I know I put in the time and effort and I am conscious of making healthy choices and doing exercise -- but I feel like I'm stuck. I figured since I have changed my routine up it was a good idea to have a proper health evaluation. I really hope the tests go well tomorrow and that I come out with some good advice.