Under the Weather

I really feel like things have been moving non-stop for me for the past several months. Today is the first day that I started to feel really under the weather. I don't know if it's the weather change, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion ... or a combination of it all.

I knew I wasn't going to make it to CrossFit. There was no way I was going to be able to focus enough to lift weights in any way that would be meaningful. I didn't, however, want the day to go to waste. I knew I could squeeze out something. So, before thinking about it too much, I put together my own little  circuit of exercises.

5 rounds of:
100 jump rope skips
20 squats
10 burpees
50 crunches

No Excuses. 

That was it. I'm glad I did it, but after showering and getting into my lounge clothes I knew that I had had it. I am wiped out. I'm so glad I prepared dinner earlier today. Now I'm just waiting to eat, relax a bit, and hopefully go to be early and get a LONG overdue restful good night's sleep.

Downhill

Today started off really well --

I did my yoga this morning, which felt much better than yesterday.
I then received feedback from my supervisor that the writing I've been working on was really good.

The main task for today was to set the menu for the week and stock up the fridge -- did both of those - and then I had some errands to run. That's when things kinda started going downhill. I was stuck in traffic for ages; my cramps started to get worse, and then I just started losing my energy and feeling completely drained.

The rest of the day crawled by. I managed to get my minimum 10-minutes exercise in for the Whole Life Challenge, and after that I spent most of the day whining - did a bit of work, but mainly counted the minutes until I could just get to bed.

What annoyed me was that after all the menu planning I just didn't feel up to cooking what I had planned for dinner (too much prep). However, the good thing is that with a fridge stocked with only healthy ingredients, pretty much any combination of foods will be healthy. Not bringing any junk food in the house whatsoever has been a really helpful to staying on track. Though I have to admit, I wish I had enough will-power to just say no if there was a bag of Doritos in the house. Why is it that even knowing how unhealthy they are I'd still probably reach for them? Oh well, that'll be something to work on at another time.

Shrimp over some sauteed sweet potato, bell peppers, sugar snap peas, and mushrooms for dinner tonight. Filling and comforting.

Been on painkillers since yesterday. I hope today/tomorrow will be the last day I'll need them. I want my energy back! 

Feeling Frantic

I didn't go to the gym today. At one point I thought I'd make up for it by doing a workout at home, but that didn't happen either. I feel slightly guilty, but maybe not as guilty as I should feel for skipping a workout despite all my good intentions to stick to the plan I created earlier this week. I just didn't get around to it. I stayed home in the morning and started going through the mountains and mountains of papers that I've got in my office. The piles have been driving me crazy. I keep putting it off and once I got started in the morning, that was it. I couldn't stop.

Dragged myself away just to go to work and teach my last class of the semester (yay!). Then I came back home and picked up where I left off. I'm not sure I can explain how many papers I've got. It's insane. Four years of research, data notes, drafts of articles etc. etc. are completely overwhelming me.

I took a break to work on something for my supervisor. It ended up taking quite a bit longer than I had anticipated but I had to get it done today.

The only time I left my office was to go into the kitchen and tidy up in there. Things had been washed but not put away. Dinner had to be cooked, and then of course everything had to be washed and put away. I know this is daily stuff that people go through but today it felt overwhelming.

To add to it all, I'm tired. I don't get it. I haven't felt this tired in a long time. Still, I felt like today was one of those days where even if I had made it to the gym, my workout probably would have sucked. It's better that I stayed at home was and was actually productive in doing something.

I'm just starting to feel a little frantic now.

I feel like I've just been coping for the past few days instead of being fully engaged with what I'm doing. I don't like this feeling. At the same time I am feeling really overwhelmed. Not only do I have so much to do, but most of the tasks require a lot of time. From past experience I've seen that I overwhelm myself with tons of tasks and in the end I get so flustered and frantic that I get nothing done at all.

I need to get a grip. I just have to tackle things one at a time and steadily make my way through all these tasks. I know I'm being really whiny today. I really don't feel like myself for some reason. As I said, I need to get a grip!

Body & Mind (cont.)

I woke up at 1:30 a.m. in excruciating pain. The cramps are getting worse each month. The painkillers I had taken at 8 p.m. hardly had an impact. For the first time, I had to get out of bed and get 2 more of a stronger dose. What is happening to me?

Of course there is still a constant battle in my mind - one part of me saying, it's ok. Hold on. This will only last for 3-4 days. The other part of me thinking, why the fuck should I have to deal with this? But then, when I think about having to go for more doctor's appointments, more surgery, and all that - I just can't take it. That's my overall feeling - I just can't take it.

I have so many other things to deal with as well.

I've really been struggling to find my foothold. Part of me doesn't want to deal with it anymore. Wouldn't it just be easier to just lie down and forget about it all? The other part of me, however, still wants to fight through this. Some tough decisions need to be made. Some big moves need to be played.

It's definitely hard to act 'normal' during times like these. In a way, I'm relieved that my leg hurts because not going to the gym means not running into people that I need to talk to. I can't stand most of my colleagues at work and the two that I do like know me, so even though I give a try to smile and say I'm fine, they know better, but it's all I can manage for now. I know holding it all in isn't good for me, but it's how I (try to) get through things.

I've decided to take until Sunday before I get back to the gym. My leg is finally starting to feel better. I don't want to rush getting back and risk a more serious injury. Besides, I've got so much else on my mind right now, I'm just not focused enough to lift any weights or do any classes. I know this will pass, so I'm just trying to be patient through it all.

Not Enough Sleep

I didn't sleep well last night -- I don't normally sleep well anyway, but last night was terrible. I got about 4 hours of mega-interrupted sleep. I was waking up every 15 - 30 minutes. I don't know what was wrong because I was definitely very tired by the time I got to bed ... I was not a happy camper when I woke up this morning :(

Anyway.

Despite the lack of sleep I still made it to the gym this morning. Warmed up with 20 minutes of cardio - am still working on picking up my running, which is slowly but surely improving. Within the 20 minutes I ran/jogged for 5 1-minute intervals. I hope to keep improving on this. Then I went to Body Pump class followed by Zumba class.

Two hours and 20 minutes of exercise ... on probably just about two hours and 20 minutes of sleep!

I've got a ton of work to do, so gotta get to it and push through the sleepiness and exhaustion.

Recovering

This week was a big week. Not only did I go back to work, but I also had quite a few errands to do to prepare for Thanksgiving ... Although Monday and Tuesday were terrible ... I did feel better on Wednesday and Thursday, but after waking up this morning, I now realize that I may have overdone it. I tried to take it easy, but there was a lot of movement involved - a lot of bending to pick things up or stretching to reach. I didn't feel any pain - and I don't really feel any pain right now, but I'm definitely uncomfortable - kind of like my intestines have shifted inside me. I know, I don't even know if you can really feel the presence of your organs, but that's the only way I can really describe how I'm feeling right now.

So the only thing on today's agenda is REST.

I am glad that I was able to move as much as I did ... I just have to remember that just because I can doesn't mean I should. However, I do have to say, although I'm not feeling that great at the moment, it was totally worth it -- I love Thanksgiving :)

Stage 1 Challenge B

That's it! I did it! I completed all of Stage 1 plus the two bonus workouts at the end ... and I.Am.Exhausted!!

I'm flying out tomorrow morning so I have a zillion errands to run, but there was no way I was going to miss this last workout. My original plan was to get to the gym by 7 a.m., do the NROL4W workout, and then do RPM (class starts at 8:00 a.m.) as my last cardio.

Things didn't go exactly as I had planned. I was so tired this morning - had a late night last night and I think the stress of the past few days (weeks) is really catching up to me. Anyway. I didn't want to rush myself and end up having a bad workout so I decided to just make it for RPM and then do the challenge workout afterwards.

I sure did feel the effects of yesterday's squats and step-ups during RPM. I really gave it my all - kind of had that 'last chance workout' (from The Biggest Loser) idea in my head. You know that favorite quote of mine from Jillian? 'Unless you puke, faint, or die - keep going!' Well I had that running through my head especially for tracks 5-7 ... I honestly thought that in the middle of track 7 I was going to throw up - but I didn't and I didn't lower my resistance either - I just kept going. Whew! Cardio over ... now on to Workout B.

I used the same strategy as yesterday - as many reps as possible in 2 minutes using the starting weight from the first workout.

Dead lifts @ 30 kg -- damn they felt heavy! I only managed to do 30 reps.

Shoulder presses @ 5 kg (dumbbells) -- 45 reps (wish I had hit 50)

Lateral pull @ 34.05 -- 30 reps

Lunges with 6 kg dumbbell in each hand - 50 reps per leg (Ouch!!! My legs were burning!)

Swiss ball crunches -- 75

I definitely felt tired and a bit strained while I was doing this workout. I know I should have rested more, but I know I would have been very disappointed if I hadn't tried.

So that's it. I finished all of Stage 1. I'm not going to have access to a gym until I'm back, but the good thing about being in London is that I walk so much - a huge contrast to living in Kuwait where we drive everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE. So I'm looking forward to some daily walking plus I've been working on a mini-exercise routine that I hope I can keep up with while I'm away - will share it in the next post or two.

Ok. On to the other zillion errands!

Mental Block

It was so tough to go to the gym this morning! I was so sore from yesterday's boxing lesson - my arms and torso were killing me. Still, I had to go. If I want to finish Stage 1 of NROL4W before traveling, then there as no way I could miss today's workout.

As soon as I walked into the gym I saw H, my boxing coach. I kid you not, my muscles immediately tensed. I was like 'Please, stay away. My muscles are crying!' He laughed a bit and then reminded me that I had to cut my nails before our next session (protest!) and that I needed to make sure to cool down properly after our workouts to ease the soreness. Points noted H. I'll see what I can do about cutting my nails.

Since I've been doing a bit more cardio than I had planned I thought I'd take it easy on that front today and just focus on the weights. Doing squats on the new free weights machine is a bit tough - you've really got to watch your balance -- I was grateful when M put the neck cushion the bar - it really helped. My poor math ability really comes out when trying to calculate how much weight I should add ... for example, it wasn't until I got home and I was entering my sets into the computer that I realized - wait a second, I didn't lift 35/35/40 today like I thought I had ... the bar weighs 20. There were 2 10-kg weights on either side -- in my mind, I didn't think about the other side and just wrote down that I did a set of 30 ... then I added a pair of 2.5 kg plates -- and wrote it down as 35 ... for the last set I thought I'd push myself and decided to add another pair of 2.5 kg plates ... and I thought I was just lifting 40 ... Wait a second - that wasn't 40 kg - it was 50! So I did a warm-up set at 40 kg. Then went on to do two sets at 45, and the final set at 50 ... wtf. How did that happen? I knew the bar felt heavy ... but I pushed through it ... once again, making me realize what a major effect mental preparation has on my workouts.

I continued the rest of my workout - my push-ups are definitely getting better, I'm having a tough time with the 41 kg seated rows. I increased my step-up set by 1 kg ... and then the prone jackknife ... I was a bit freaked out because this is the last phase ... will I really be able to complete 3 sets of 12? I did the first two sets and struggled a bit with balance during the last 2 reps ... and then, just before I started my third set I realized - wait a second, I'm not supposed to do 3 sets of 12. I'm supposed to do 3 sets of 15! How the hell will I be able to manage that? I was so disappointed - I already struggled a bit with the 12 reps ... and now 15? I paced around the workout studio a bit (another benefit of working out in the women's only section - you pretty much have it all to yourself!) ... and then thought - no, if the program says 15 reps for Workout 7, then I'm going to do 15. So I braced myself and did the set of 15. It was all about concentration and sheer determination of getting at least 1 set of 15 done today ...

My legs were feeling a bit achy so I decided to just walk for 15 minutes to kind of loosen them up. While I was walking I thought - just 1 set of 15 is not enough. You've got to do at least one more set. If I could do it once, then I can do it again ... so after I finished on the treadmill I went for it - and managed to complete my 2nd set.

I would be (should be, perhaps?) happy that I managed to do it - but I guess I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't complete 3 sets of 15 ... I also can't help but wonder if I'm getting the most out of my workouts doing them on my own? I guess that's part of the challenge.

Anyway. I'm glad that I completed workout 7A though I do think that I maybe I should have taken today off to rest a bit. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Trying to listen

I woke up this morning feeling no better than the past few days. It was so frustrating. The inhaler that my doctor gave me seems to be having no effect, and I haven't been sleeping that well because of this cough ... On the bright side, I have been eating well - just following the meal plan that I set up a few days ago. However, how am I supposed to balance good nutrition and exercise when I feel so lousy and am not able to give my workouts 100%?

This morning I didn't know what to do -- people always tell me, listen to your body. If you're tired/unwell, it's better to rest and go back to the gym when you're feeling better ... but do you

know how difficult it is to resist? I feel weak and disappointed. I should be strong enough to just get on with all the things I need to get done ... but it doesn't seem to be going that way.

So, today, I decided to 'listen' to my body and I grudgingly stayed home - feeling irritated because now my workout schedule is off by a day and I don't know if I'm going to be well enough to go in tomorrow either ... but hey, it's the right move, right? Right? I don't know.

In any case, I decided to take advantage of taking the day 'off' and use it to get other things done - loads of laundry, tons of paperwork, and a few other errands. The list of things to do was endless - and while I did accomplish quite a lot, there's more to be done ... hmmm, maybe I ended up having a bit of a workout after all?

Sick of it

Okay, so I’ve only been ill for four days but it feels like forever. It’s really bugging me because I have so much work to and less than six weeks to get it all done. I just cant’ seem to clear my head long enough to focus on the tasks at hand. My main worry is my PhD writing – I’ve got a ton of editing to do before my next trip to London … and it’s not just editing, it’s more like getting the thesis ready so that I can actually submit it in September. The pressure is freaking me out.

Of course I also have to deal with how being ill is interfering with my workouts. The main problem is the lack of energy – I hate wanting to go to the gym but not having the actual energy to properly complete the workout. It just depresses me. Then there’s the lack of appetite, which of course adds to the lack of energy … and finally, every time I cough, my bloody abs hurt because of those freaking prone jackknife exercises!! At least I know the exercise worked my core!

I know. I know. I’m whining. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Mind Over Matter

When I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. My head felt heavy and my throat was still sore - kept me from getting a good night's sleep! I wanted to go to the gym and do workout B of NROL4W as I had planned, but my body was saying - sleep! You need more rest! Part of me thought - you really should listen to your body and get the rest, while the other part of me was saying - get to the gym. Do your workout. You'll feel better once you've done it.

I listened to the latter part and went to the gym. My 20 minute warm-up on the cross-trainer felt tough. I had

to will myself to go through with it - the voice in my head urging - come on! You can do it! It's only 20 minutes. This is nothing! Push!! You'd think those words would really inspire me, but they didn't. I kept telling myself - it's all in your head - mind over matter ... but then that made me wonder, which part was in my head? The fatigue? Or the false motivation? Which voice do I listen to? Which feeling is real?

It was a strange situation to be in actually. I mean, I've been in situations before where I have not wanted to go to the gym but I pushed myself to go anyway ... but this time I really did want to go, it's just that I was feeling really fatigued - I don't think I've recovered from my jet lag yet or the basic exhaustion from traveling. Anyway.

After my warm-up I headed upstairs to do workout B.

Deadlifts; Shoulder presses; Lateral pulls; Lunges with weights; Swiss ball crunch - 2 sets of 15 each.

The workout wasn't too difficult. I paid extra attention to the weight I was using today and made sure that I was challenging myself without compromising my form. I definitely felt better about this workout than workout A. I'm sure I'll feel the effects of those lunges in the morning!

My biggest dilemma after finishing the weight sets was - should I do cardio or not? I know that they don't emphasize cardio in NROL4W -- but it feels strange not doing anything. Aside from that, the heavy head and slight nausea that I was feeling was really starting to get to me. I only managed to do 10 minutes on the treadmill before stepping off and calling it a day. I was disappointed that I couldn't do more, but I really was exhausted -- at least I completed Workout B, which was my basic goal for the day ... hopefully with a bit more rest and a lot of water & vitamin C I'll feel better tomorrow.