Why Water

The first main focus of the 100 Day Lifestyle challenge is to check our fluid intake. The overall goal of this challenge is to make small adjustments each day/week that will help us lead a healthier lifestyle. It's about finding out how many healthy habits you can incorporate without feeling like you've 'given up everything.'

For the first 10 days of the challenge, the idea is to focus on your fluid consumption. It comes in 2 parts:

1) Increase your water intake. Your goal is to work up to drinking your minimum requirement of water on a daily basis. (You can use this link to help you figure out how much water you should be drinking: http://nutrition.about.com/library/blwatercalculator.htm.) If you can start drinking your minimum requirement from Day 1, that's great.

2) Decrease your intake of other liquids - particularly alcohol and soda, but also coffee, tea, and juice. This decrease can come gradually. For example, if you have 3 cups of coffee a day, try to make one of those 1/2 a cup of coffee. Instead of drinking 2 sodas, maybe just have 1. The choice is yours. It's important to remember that not all beverages are the same in terms of nutrient value and benefit/harm to the body. Drinking beverages such as tea and coffee aren't necessarily bad for you. However, once you start adding milk and sugar and other flavored shots to your beverage, the beverage decreases in nutrition value.

It's all about finding a balance. In the beginning, don't take the changes to such an extreme where you feel like you can't sustain them. This challenge is about finding a healthy balance that works for you - for your body type, for your health, for your lifestyle.

Although I mentioned that this is the focus for the first 10 days, the goal is to really keep up this lifestyle practice throughout the challenge (and your life) as much as possible. For right now though, let's just try to focus on staying on point through the first 10 days.

We've probably heard it all before - drink more water, water is good for you, water is important - but does everyone realize exactly why it's so important? Here are a few facts about why water is such an essential nutrient for our body:

-  More than 2/3 of a human's body weight is made up of water. This is why humans can survive for weeks without any food, but can barely survive past one week without any water.

-  Each day we lose 2-3 L of water through natural body processes such as urination, sweating, and breathing. Since our body relies on water to function properly (e.g. for proper digestion), it is important to stay hydrated in order to compensate for the loss.

- When we add exercise to the mix, we can lose an additional 1-2 L of water per hour of exercise. Therefore, it's especially important to stay hydrated. Plus, water delivers oxygen to the muscles and this helps the body perform more efficiently. A 5% reduction of water in the body decreases muscle strength and endurance.

- Mild dehydration is one of the most common causes of daytime fatigue.

- Water helps eliminate toxins from our bodies (through perspiration and urination and by aiding with bowel movements, which ensures that toxins are quickly and regularly removed from our body).

Move Because You Can

Life is so unpredictable. Things can change in an instant. The way my brother's physical condition changed in a moment - going from walking to paralyzed - has traumatized me. While I am so happy that his mobility is returning, his fight is not over yet. Unfortunately, today he began his first round of chemotherapy for lymphoma. He's been fighting different battles since late April 2013.

At first, his paralysis was attributed to his weight -- he was clearly obese. It was an interesting (and very upsetting) experience seeing how doctors in Kuwait were so judgmental ... that his physical condition must have been brought on by his size.

It was later found that a tumor on his spine was compressing his nerves which in turn caused the paralysis. He was bedridden for months. When the treatment (steroids, surgery, physiotherapy) finally started to take effect, he had to basically start all over - he had to learn how to walk. He had to learn how to move. He had to rebuild his muscles. He had to make his body work for him.

In the meantime, due to being in the hospital with more regimented food, he was losing weight. In fact, he lost just over 40 kg (88 lbs) in about 6 months.

Later, as his check-ups continued and the diagnosis was getting closer and closer to cancer, it was thought that the weight loss (at least part of it) was a side effect of cancer.

This conflicts me in so many ways. When I showed some people recent photos of my brother, they all commented on how good he was looking and expressing amazement with the amount of weight he had lost ... but part of me inside cringes at those responses because I know that he went through hell - paralysis, multiple surgeries, biopsies, and now chemotherapy ... does it matter that he has lost weight when he has had to suffer so much?

Anyway. The bottom line is - our health is precious. Focus on all the things you can do and take advantage of them. Focus on eating right because your body deserves it -- because you are still FREE to eat right and get healthy instead of being forced to because of some unfortunate health circumstance. Move not because it is part of physiotherapy -- move because you can.

It is tearing me apart that I am not by my brother's side today as he starts his treatment in Bangkok. However, I know that he will be strong. We are all staying hopeful and optimistic. He's been a true champ through all of this. I don't know how he did it, but he has been amazing, not a single complaint through the whole ordeal.

When we were living together in Kuwait, my brother helped me with my training during which I didn't hold back and I definitely kicked his ass a few times ... now it's his turn to kick cancer's ass.

Never stop fighting. 

Update on My Brother

The past 48 hours have been quite stressful.

Back in April I wrote briefly about my brother and how he had suffered from sudden paralysis of his legs.

When he was taken to Bangladesh, he was diagnosed with transverse myelitis. He was given an aggressive treatment of steroids, and he started physiotherapy. His recovery was slow, but he was recovering.

Suddenly last week, he lost sensation in his left leg. He said it was dead weight and he just couldn't move it at all. Having exhausted all the treatment options in Bangladesh, my parents and brother flew to Bangkok for further investigations.

The arrived on Tuesday and my brother was immediately admitted to the hospital. On Wednesday they did an MRI and discovered a mass growing around his spine (from T5-T10 so it was quite a big mass). On Thursday the doctors said that the only option at this point was to remove it. So this morning, he underwent surgery.

The surgeon managed to remove the entire mass. It will be a week before the lab results from the biopsy are back; however, they are confident that it is not a malignant tumor.

We still don't know what caused it, whether it will return, or any of those details. We'll know more over the next few days.

My brother is doing alright. He's in the ICU and will be for a day or two. As you can imagine, it was quite a procedure that took several hours. I'm just happy he got through that part -- hopefully he'll be able to focus on a full recovery soon.

I've been feeling so restless here. I feel so distant and far from my family. I'm thankful that I can speak to them regularly, but still. Thinking of my parents and brother in a foreign country where they don't know anyone or the language makes me feel anxious. I may fly over there -- but I have to get a visa before I can do that, so nothing has been confirmed yet.

I'm just thankful that the surgery is over. Definitely missing my family a lot these past couple of days.

Alignment

A few weeks ago, I was practicing Jiujitsu, and I experienced a terrible stomach cramp during one of the moves. After it eased, I tried the move again, and I experienced the same excruciating pain. It was temporary, but I knew that something was wrong.

Since I thought it was related to my fibroids, when I went to my next acupuncture treatment (that I'm using for pain management for the pain caused by the fibroids) I told my acupuncturist about the stomach cramp.

She examined me, in particular my lower back and my hips, and she discovered that I my general alignment was off. I was slightly leaning more to my right side. The reason this misalignment wasn't causing me direct pain is because I've been kind of leaning to my right (like when I sit and type) for a long time, so my muscles have kind of been 'learning' that type of posture.

She did a bit of IMS (intra-muscular stimulation), which is bloody painful (though only for a few seconds) to try and loosen up my muscles, and she gave me a few exercises to do to help me straighten up my posture.

After a couple of weeks of trying out those exercises, I'm beginning to loosen up a bit and straighten out.

Since she helped me with that problem, when I went to see her on Wednesday, I decided to tell her about my wrist pain. I was sure it was just a sprain although my wrist did look slightly deformed (my bone was jutting out - though I wasn't sure if it was my bone or just that my wrist was a weird shape in general -- that's how bad body image can get!).

It turns out, I wasn't imagining it -- I had dislocated my wrist.

Unfortunately, I waited so long to tell her or anyone about it that my muscles have kind of stiffened in that position, so she was not able to immediately pop it back into place. She's working on loosening up my muscles. I hope that she'll be able to pop it back in after just one more session. It's rather painful.

The thing that I've learned from going for acupuncture treatment as well as a bit of physiotherapy is that muscle memory really matters. I've always thought about muscle memory in a positive way (keep doing certain movements and you'll start to do them automatically - with weight lifting and with MMA training). However, these treatment sessions have made me realize that it works the other way too.

The repeated actions of sitting leaning a certain way or even just crossing my left leg over my right, has resulted in the development of my muscles in a certain way.

The reason why we're working on my spinal alignment as a result of a stomach cramp is because having my back straighter and my muscles properly balanced will take pressure off my body. This will in turn reduce some of the pressure around my abdominal area -- which is already cramped up because of my fibroids.

It was really interesting. I think I've always had fairly good posture, but I know it can improve. So now I'm really paying attention to how I sit and stand. I find myself automatically leaning to the right, but now I can correct it so that my shoulders are more square instead of lopsided.

Every little effort helps!

October Review

Happy Halloween!!!

Things have been busy over here! I really don't know where the week has gone. I don't even know where the month has gone!! Well, the end of the month is a perfect time to recap what's been going on and take a look at what's in store for November.


October in General
The two biggest challenges of October were my out of town guests and falling ill right after they left. I felt like I never really had control of my schedule. I was tired a lot. My flu progressed to bronchitis; it's 18 days later and I still haven't fully recovered. It's been a pain. I really struggle when I don't have a set plan/schedule. Add the illness to that --- ugh. I've spent most of the month feeling wiped out.

Still, I did try to keep active. Being on the Whole Life Challenge also helped me stay on track in terms of my food, so it hasn't been a total disaster.


My Weight
While I was sick, I really had no appetite. Still, I tried to eat. More importantly, I stuck to the WLC guidelines so that made sure I didn't eat unhealthily. I did drop a few kilos while I was sick. Of course it was great to see those numbers on the scale. However, I was worried that as I regained my strength and my appetite that I would also regain the weight.

I'm happy to say that wasn't the case. My goal of the Whole Life Challenge was to breakthrough a weight plateau that I've been stuck on for 8 months!!! I'm happy to say, that I've managed to do so. I'm weighing the lightest I've been in maybe 15 years ... I'm still not done, but I'm definitely inching closer to my goal.


My Training
My workouts have not been good this month. I haven't been to the gym since October 9th. I have, however, worked out. My workouts have mainly been walks, some home exercises, and jiujitsu practice. It really is all I've been able to manage while recovering from this illness. Even though I'm getting better, I'm still not back to my full training schedule. My bronchitis has lessened, but it's not gone yet. I still feel quite tired. Mentally, I want to go back. Physically, it's been tough.

I miss the weight room and I miss working up a big sweat after an intense HIIT cardio session. However, I'm still thoroughly enjoy ing Brazilian Jiujitsu training. I've been learning a few more intricate moves. It's been exciting!

that's me practicing the guillotine choke

A highlight from this week has been wearing a t-shirt back in July. I really liked it, but I was disappointed when I tried it on (after buying and getting back to my hotel) because I filled it out completely. It looked terrible on me. I shamefully hung it up in my closet thinking that I would never wear the t-shirt comfortably. Since I had lost a few kilos recently, I decided to try on the t-shirt before jiujitsu class last night -- and I was so happy! It was so roomy and comfortable (not baggy or loose, but just really comfortable). I usually don't like wearing men's cut t-shirts (they make me look boxy) but I didn't mind wearing this to class. It felt great. I knew that the numbers have been coming down on the scale, but it wasn't until I wore this that I really felt a physical change (well that and my jeans are now falling).

loving practicing omoplatas & super happy that my omoplata t-shirt finally fits well

I ended off the month with a workout at CrossFit Q8. It was great to be back, but I could really feel the impact of not having lifted weights in 3 weeks. It was tough. Still, as always, I leave the box smiley and sweaty ;)

There's a Halloween party tonight. I checked with the host beforehand about the food that will be served. Even though there are healthy options (gluten free foods, quinoa salad), none of them are Whole Life Challenge compliant. I asked if she would mind if I brought my own food, and she said it wasn't a problem. So it'll be grilled chicken, sweet potato, and some other veggies for my dinner. I've done this several times now. Remember, if your friends care about you, they'll understand and respect your choices -- so take a chance. Be healthy!

I'll be posting my November fitness goals tomorrow.

Recovering

Thank you so much for your well wishes. I'm still coughing, which totally sucks. It's been 13 days now and I am so over this cold/flu/bronchitis attack or whatever!

In any case, I did start back with a bit more exercise this week. One of my motivating factors was my new pair of Asics running shoes. My former pair is totally worn out though I'm having trouble parting with them. I tested this new pair out on the track near my house. I wasn't able to run, but I managed to walk without too much difficulty in breathing. It's still going to take some time before I"m back to it full force.

I also restarted at Jiujitsu class this week. It felt so good to get back on the mats. Again, I had to take it a little easy, but I survived.

I also restarted my acupuncture treatment for my pain management this week. It's been a long time since I've been for a session. I'm hoping that it'll help ease the pain I've been feeling lately.

I have yet to get back to the weight room. I'm hoping I can hit the weights, even if it's a light workout, on Sunday.

In the meantime, I'm going to stay active but proceed with caution. Slowly but surely, I'm recovering.

MIA

I've been sick.

I started feeling ill about 2 weeks ago, and then it really settled in right after my birthday ... and it continued to get worse until it developed into bronchitis. I had a high fever that I couldn't shake for about 5 days. I was exhausted and doing really poorly.

I'm half way through a course of antibiotics. I'm improving, slowly but surely.

Just wanted to check in. I haven't been online since the 12th.

I'm going to try to go out for a walk today. Lately walking up even 1 flight of stairs has left me breathless for several minutes - it's been really depressing.

Can it get any cleaner?

My theory about why I was in such pain yesterday has to do with what I've been eating lately. Although I have been true to the Whole Life Challenge and have been exercising daily, I've eaten out more than usual (because first my dad was visiting then my in-laws were here). Normally, I only eat out on Fridays (breakfast: an egg white omelet with mushrooms & dinner: a chicken avocado salad) - still all WLC compliant. Even all the meals that I've eaten out have been WLC-friendly. I looked at menus beforehand and chose restaurants that would cater to my dietary needs.

Despite making the effort, I've eaten more than I usually do and I think that the foods were just a bit more salty and oily than I'm used to. I think eating this way for about 3 weeks has had a cumulative negative effect on my body.

I don't know if this really is the reason behind the sudden increase in pain; however, it's the only real difference in my routine that I can think of.

I told D last night that I need to clean up my eating even more once his parents left (they left this morning). His reaction - how can you eat any cleaner?

You'd think that by following the parameters set by the Whole Life Challenge that I would be doing just fine. However, it's not that easy. Constant vigilance is still needed even when eating clean. There are two main things that I want to clean up:

First of all, portion sizes do matter. Although I did stop calorie counting once I changed my eating habits, I know that it is still possible to eat too much. For example, extra virgin olive oil may be a good form of healthy fat; however, putting 3-4 tablespoons, when really just 2 tsp. will suffice, does have an impact on health. Raw nuts may be good for you, but that doesn't mean you can eat however much you want (without consequences!)

Second, I need to eat more greens and raw vegetables. Most of my food is cooked instead of steamed or raw. Although I eat a lot of vegetables, there's still not much green on my plate. This is something I want to change.

I'm hoping that with these two dietary changes in place, along with continuing to drink 3-4 L of water a day and get a proper amount of sleep, things will start to improve.

In the meantime, the research for some sort of cure/solution to my pain has begun ...

Negotiating Pain

I had a terrible day on Sunday. From morning until night, I was in excruciating pain (details of my health history here). It was hard for me to get up from sitting position, and it hurt to walk. I was really frustrated. Part of me felt like I jinxed myself because I gave a health update and brought the whole situation to the forefront of my mind. Sounds silly, but the question that kept going through my mind was - Why now? The pain has gradually been getting worse over the past 6 weeks, but this was the worst it has been in months. I'm talking nearly going to the hospital and wishing I was crazy enough to cut myself open and just take the damn fibroids out myself. Yes. Drastic, I know. But I swear that's all I was thinking.

There are many emotions that can revolve around experiencing pain. Sadness. Frustration. Anxiety. Irritation.

My main feeling: Anger.

I get angry because I feel like I've worked too damn hard on my health to be suffering from a health consequence.

I know that I can be stubborn sometimes (or maybe a lot?), but that stubbornness really comes out when I'm put in a situation that I feel like I can't control - one that I desperately want to control.

I try to focus on thoughts of not being defeated - This will not get me down. I will not stop. I will keep going. It's only pain. I will not be defined/constrained/limited by this. {At the same time, it really fucking hurts.}

I know that before when I would experience terrible, terrible cramps, my inclination would be to just curl up in a ball, try to sleep, and just wait for the feeling to pass (assisted by lots of painkillers). However, slowly, especially as I started signing up for classes like cardio kickboxing, I started to work through the pain. I'd have to really force myself to get up and go for my workout. Once there, I would just get on with my workout. It wouldn't always be comfortable, but it was never totally impossible (except for once. Once it was really, really bad.)

So in my mind I was trying to convince myself to do a bit of exercise. Perhaps once I started moving and got into something else, it would distract me from my pain.

I did my Sunday circuit at home (I forced myself; it was really tough and not enjoyable at all - I skipped the burpees).

The big test came with Jiujitsu class. I really, really wanted to go, but I knew that it would be tough. All that moving around on the ground, swinging your arms/legs around -- ugh. Today was not the best day for it at all.

However, I love Jiujitsu. I've paid for the classes. I really like the instructor, and I didn't want to miss his class. So, I got ready and I went. I ended up being the only one in class (again). I was actually ok with it because I felt like I couldn't really focus on anyone else. He did have another guy come in - someone to assist him - and we practiced together.

The warm-up was tough. Sitting on the ground and doing the stretches was really painful. Yet I refuse to show weakness (though at one point tears almost sprang to my eyes). I didn't want him to know I was in pain. I didn't want to admit that I was feeling sub-par. If I had had an injury or it was something serious, then I would have said something. But this was just pain. It's not like the fibroids were going to burst (if only!) or anything. So I just got on with it.

By the time we started practicing techniques, I was all warmed up and I could feel my adrenaline building. I think that's what helped me get through the class. It was great. I'm so glad I went.

Unfortunately, within half an hour of cooling down and heading home, the pain came back. I almost couldn't drive home. I was so miserable. (Maybe I should have started exercising again!)

------------------

Sunday involved several painkillers. I called my acupuncturist to set up an appointment for pain management. She can't see me until Oct. 22!!! I'm on the wait list in case anything opens up, but in the meantime, I'm going to have to see how I can get on -- and try to stay off the painkillers.

Thankfully I felt better today. No painkillers necessary. I did get a good night's sleep, and although I was busy all day, I tried to keep my stress levels low and relax as much as possible. Only mild exercise today (walking plus stretching).

It's now really time for me to come up with a solution for this pain. I don't want to have another day like this at all.

Health Update

Before starting the Whole Life Challenge, I decided to go to the doctor to get a complete physical as well as complete blood work.

She started with a physical exam. As I was lying on the table and she started to press on my abdomen, I saw an immediate look of concern show on her face. I quickly responded and said, 'I have uterine fibroids.'

She looked completely taken aback and responded, 'but they're so massive.'

It was hard for me to hear, but it's something I already knew.

I feel them all the time. Whenever I wear a dress and see the bulge around my lower abdomen, I get so frustrated because it makes me look like I don't exercise -- but I do! Anyway.

I had to go through the whole explanation again as to what I've been through and where I stand now. She kept saying that it was really, really important for me to get it taken care of. I honestly don't know what to do.

I am kind of ready to start exploring my options for surgical treatment in other countries, but the thought is scary. I don't want to have to go through surgery and recovery again. I just don't. At the same time, I don't want to continue with this pain on a daily basis (it's been quite bad for the past 6 weeks; I have to get back to my acupuncture. I just haven't had time).

Other than the fibroids, my physical health was fine.

My blood work came back and everything was "perfect" (thankfully) except for my iron levels which she said were on the lowest point of the spectrum. This is mainly because of the fibroids. Since I don't want to go on iron tablets (bad side effects), she's told me to try to eat red meat at least 2 times a week. I have no problem with that!

It's a relief to know that there's nothing major wrong. Although I still have this health condition hanging over me, I'm continuing with what I decided to do in November 2011 - do the best I can to be as healthy as I can. It's all I can do right now. I may not have a solution to the fibroid problem, but I know that I can try to get stronger so that my recovery is less painful, and I can continue to eat as healthily as possible so that I minimize other potential complications from the surgery (if there is one).

Pouting, Crying, Laughing, and Pouting again

When I returned to Kuwait in 2000 after living in the States, I lived at home for a while. Since my mom didn't drive, I would drive her to work in the mornings. Just before dropping her off, I would hold her hand and kind of 'whine' to her and say, 'Mom, I don't wanna go to school' - mimicking my middle school/high school days (incidentally, she's an English professor at the university as well) - and she would say, me neither.

As much as I love teaching, there are definitely some days when I don't wanna go to school! Today was one of them (most Sundays are!) ... I wasn't nearly as prepared as I had wanted to be for the week. I mean I was in terms of my lesson plans, but I wasn't in terms of preparing what to wear, packing up my gym bag, fixing my lunch etc. etc. Makes me wonder, what was I doing yesterday?!

In any case, I somehow collected myself and managed to get out the door. I didn't have time to make my omelet muffins so I improvised and boiled an egg, sliced half an avocado, and half a red bell pepper - drizzled a bit of olive oil over it and sprinkled some salt & pepper. It looked primitive, but it was going to have to do for my post-workout breakfast.

the view from the treadmill this morning - gorgeous day - Feb. 17, 2013

The first thing I did at the gym was complete the baseline workout for the Whole Life Challenge. The purpose of this workout is to complete it again at the end of the 8 weeks and measure our improvement.  The workout was 11 minutes: complete an 800m run, 50 crunches, 75 squats, and 100 push-ups, then burpees in any time remaining.

Needless to say, there was no time remaining for me. I only made it through the 56th push-up.

There's room for improvement.

After I did this workout I went down to the free weights area to start my new weights program. This one is called the Fat Burn II workout (still part of New Rules of Lifting). The program is 4 weeks long which is perfect because I leave for the States in 4 weeks. If I stick to my schedule and not skip any workouts, I should be able to complete it before I leave.

The workout wasn't bad (3 sets of 12 reps): front squats, push presses, wide grip rows, dynamic lunges, and two new exercises that I had never done before: supine hip extension with leg curl and upper body Russian twist:

supine hip extension with leg curl

upper body Russian twist

I really liked the supine hip extension - it felt great.

Here's where the pouting began
After I finished my workout, I started to feel a bit nauseous and worn out. I took 15 minutes to stretch out really well and then headed to the showers.

By the time I got ready for work, I felt really yucky. My head was all foggy and my throat started to feel sore. I was so tempted to just ditch work and go home.

However, since my students have their first big writing test on Wednesday, I really wanted to be there to make sure they got enough time to ask questions and prepare for the test. So, I went to work ... but I had to cut class a bit short because I could barely stand.

I got home, had lunch (leftovers from last night - could barely swallow) and then went to bed.

Here's where the crying began
I woke up after about an hour and felt worse - dizzy and mega sore throat. Ok, I didn't really cry, but I did tear up because I DIDN'T WANT TO BE SICK!! What the hell? I wanted to try a new workout this evening, and I knew that with the way I was feeling, it would be foolish to go. Still, I wanted to go ... I was so darn cranky. To some it may sound insane or unreasonable, but I love being at the gym. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I'm really putting in the effort to achieving my goals - not just wishing and hoping. I truly feel miserable (and guilty and like a slacker and lazy) when I miss/skip a workout (for whatever reason).

Here's where the laughing began
D tried to get me to be reasonable and recognize that feeling so stuffed up and dizzy to the point where driving would be dangerous is a sure sign that I should not go to workout ... "Besides you worked out for almost 2 hours this morning. Do you realize that some people don't even do that in an entire week?" I had to laugh (a little).

Here's where the pouting began again 
Ya, ya - listen to your body, rest so that you can come back stronger, blah, blah, blah.
I know.
I (kinda) agree.
I still rested, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

I'm still pouting, but I'm hoping that resting today and tomorrow morning will have me ready to kick ass at tomorrow night's kickboxing class.

Today's Workout
General: WLC baseline test
Weights: NROL Fat Burn II: Workout A1
Stretching: 15 minutes

Today's Food
Breakfast: Boiled egg with 1/2 avocado & 1/2 red bell pepper
Lunch: White fish with sweet potato & 2 tablespoons of hummus
Snack: 1/4 cup cashews, 2 dates, a cup of green tea

Click here for today's Whole Life Challenge VLOG & update :)

Just Do It

Nike's Just Do It has to be one of my all time favorite slogans. I find myself repeating it to myself quite frequently. It doesn't just apply to exercise, but rather it goes for any task that I want to achieve, but somehow feel lazy to push forward and get them done.

I always kinda shake my head at myself when I find myself in a situation where I know what I want - like I want to lose weight - but then I do something that does not fall in line with working towards that goal. If I want it, surely I'll work for it, right? What is it in my head that starts the thought process of -- nah, you can get to it later/you don't have to?

Some people have commented (on my blog and in emails) how they don't know how I get through my exercise routines, especially on days when I've worked out for almost 4 hours.

All I say to myself is: Just Do It.

I know I want this. I know that I have the physical ability to do this -- all the other excuses are in my head.

In the mornings I sometimes feel lazy but I tell myself - Just do it - you'll feel so much better once it's done. Plus I know if I don't get my workout in and something comes up later and I don't make it to the gym, I'll feel like crap.

When I'm at the gym and I look at the treadmill after my weights workout and think - man, I'm exhausted, I really don't want to run -- I tell myself, Just do it - If you don't do it now (and running really is something I want to achieve) then you'll never get it done. You need to work at it if you want to progress.

After coming home in the afternoon and doing things around the house plus relaxing a bit, it's sometimes a struggle to get back up again and get ready to workout. There's nothing else to really say to myself other than Just do it. If I want to lose weight, if I want to get stronger, if I want to improve my technique and build up my skills, then I have to work for it. I have to put in the effort. I have to Just do it.

Thinking about food and preparing a nutritious, delicious, clean, and healthy meal can sometimes be tedious. Chopping vegetables takes time. Washing up takes time. Wouldn't it just be easier to eat out? It would, but then I wouldn't feel good. I know that I would end up regretting it. I also know that whatever extra calories I consumed would mean extra time at the gym. So instead, I get out those vegetables and start chopping. Just do it!! Within half an hour, a great meal can be prepared and enjoyed. No guilt. All good clean food. No excuses. Just do it.

For my 60 burpees a day challenge, when I'm on my 25th burpee and I'm breathing hard and drenched in sweat, I tell myself - Just do it; 5 more and get to 30; then at 30 I say, you're halfway there, just do it; then at 40 (which is when it gets quite a bit more challenging), I tell myself - Just do it, one at a time, you're almost done; at 50 I tell myself, come on, push through, what's another 10 burpees -- Just do it!!

I do it. I'm exhausted, but I feel great.

I've written about the mental struggle to lose weight quite a lot (as have other people in the blogging world). It really is about conquering your mind and knowing that not only do you have the strength and capability to Just do it, but also you deserve to do it for yourself.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I should have done it a long time ago. I know I tried many times, but I never made it because my head wasn't in the right place. You have to believe that you can do it and believe that the effort is worth it ... and on days when you just don't feel like it - tell yourself to Just do it anyway.

Your life is in your hands. You are in control. You CAN do this. Be brave. Be Bold. Just Do It. 

Today's Exercise
General: Martial arts conditioning exercises (15 minutes) + jump rope
Weights: NROL Workout 5A (45 minutes)
Cardio: HIIT on treadmill (15 minutes)
MMA training: Taekwondo and Jiujitsu (1 1/2 hour)

Today's Food
Breakfast: 3 dates + 1 tablespoon of peanut butter; banana
Lunch: Leftover chili from last night with 1/4 cup of rice
Dinner: Tuna burger (homemade) on a portobello mushroom
Snacks: 2 walnuts, 3 almonds, 2 raisins

Moody

I just got back from the doctor's office about my health issues. The news wasn't great. I don't want to get into it now. It's a struggle enough to try and handle it just in my head. All I'll say is that there have been many tears shed. I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon curled up under a blanket. Today my mind and I just want a break from everything.

Perhaps it would be good for me to push through and go to taekwondo class tonight. To be honest, I just don't want to go tonight. I know that I'm totally unfocused and I really don't want to be around other people right now. At least I had a good workout this morning.


Today's Workout
Cardio: 20 minutes cross-trainer; 20 minutes treadmill - HIIT
Weights: NROL Workout B4
Stretching: 15 minutes
Burpees: 40 {challenge total: 1,000}

Today's Food
Breakfast: 1 tablespoon of peanut butter & 1 banana; 3 egg muffins & 1/2 an avocado
Lunch: *skipped*
Dinner: Shrimp coconut curry
Snacks: 3 dates and a few raw nuts

Am wallowing a bit now, but I'll get over it ... and most importantly, I'm not going to eat my feelings - this way I won't wake up tomorrow feeling depressed & feeling like shit for eating crappy food. At least the mood will probably lift after a good night's sleep ... junk food will stay attached to my ass for a long time!

A Few Deeper Breaths

Today was the first day that I started to feel quite a bit better. Unfortunately I'm still coughing, and although I can take deeper breaths, I still cannot deeply inhale and exhale without choking/coughing ... so there's a ways to go.

Today marks 1 full week off from the gym. I cannot describe the frustration ... but I am just trying to hold on to the thought that this is needed rest time. Rushing back could cause a relapse, and then that would just be devastating!

Dad has been visiting from Bangladesh for the past few days. He leaves tomorrow night.
When he was visiting back in October [you can read this past post], we had quite a few issues with food. I was in the middle of the Whole Life Challenge and he just didn't get it. As a diabetic, he should be extra careful with his food intake ... but he isn't, and it drives me insane.

The second day he was here we stopped at the supermarket - he bought some chips, some chocolate, cake, and different types of bread - sliced, pita, croissant. In the days leading up to his visit I kept telling myself - don't get into a fight with dad over food. He's only here for a while. Just let it go. I tell you though after seeing him put those things in the shopping cart, it was insanely tough to bite my tongue. Of course he offered me the foods; he commented about my eating habits; he joked about food (which gets me the most) etc. etc. I had a really rough time dealing with it ... but I still kept quiet. I decided that it was his life. He could do whatever he wanted to do. In my house, I'll only provide tasty, healthy options. If he wants something from outside, then he can do it ... but that does not mean that I need to partake.

The main reason that I didn't want to get into an argument with him is because he's my dad after all. I tried to make clear (again) that his joking about food really upsets me but I also didn't harp on it. He's set in his ways and his mentality. I do not want to fight with him and then have him travel back to Bangladesh ... I do not want there to be bitter feelings between us because I might hurt his feelings by being angry about food. It's not worth it. I would be so devastated if something happened to him and the last the we had done was leave each other in anger.

Bigger picture. Bigger picture.

The best I can do is lead by example and stay true to my new lifestyle.

So, that has been quite a challenge. It's gotten a bit better though of course there are a few daily incidents that drive me crazy. Still. No need to lose sleep over it. We all make our choices and then have to deal with the consequences.

I'm hoping to get back to the gym by Saturday. I'll probably ease myself into my routine, which is fine. I just want to move again (and not cough)!

Hospital and Home

Just a quick post to say thank you so much for all the well wishes.

I've been flat on my back since Friday except for a trip to the hospital. I had a really high fever and was fatigued beyond belief.

The doctor put me on 3 days bed rest plus antibiotics and a few other meds.

My appetite and energy level have been absolutely zero.

Today was the first day that resembled something slightly normal - feeling better after showering and having a light breakfast of 2 dates and some green tea.

My dad is here for 5 days, mostly for doctor's checkups, so I needed to muster up some energy to drive him to the hospital. I know he could have taken a taxi but I felt like I needed to get some fresh air. The fresh air did feel good, but boy was I feeling shaky behind the wheel.

Back home now with another cup of tea. I plan on curling into bed with an old season of Top Chef and just dozing.

I hate missing the gym, but seeing as how I find walking from the bedroom to the living room absolutely exhausting, I know there is no way I can do anything else.

Surely in time.

Out of curiosity I had to weigh myself this morning. I knew I had dropped a bit, but I've actually dropped 4 kg (almost 9 lbs) since New Years day. I know it's not a pure loss since I'm ill and don't have a normal appetite, but seeing that low number just kept reminding me that as much as feeling ill makes me crave a bit of comfort food (actually, only my best friend's Mac n' Cheese at the moment), sticking to light soups and nutrient-rich/high energy foods is what I need to focus on first.

Ok. Enough computer time for now. Perhaps a bit of blog commenting later.

Thanks for all the love guys.
It really made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Before It's Too Late

When I started the Whole Life Challenge, I got a lot of negative/critical reactions to the changes that I made in my eating habits. It took me a while to get used to it as well as to learn how to react to the comments people were making, but I did learn eventually.

At that time I was focused on committing to the challenge and seeing how things changed in my life - my mentality, my body, my strength, my emotions ...

Before I got to that point, however, there were two things that were driving my efforts to lose weight 1) diabetes and heart disease run in my family and I am absolutely petrified of being diagnosed as diabetic 2) my self-esteem and confidence was suffering.

I'm still really afraid of being diabetic, particularly because I believe that following a healthy lifestyle can prevent the illness. Following the Whole Life Challenge helped me get things more in line with living that healthy lifestyle, and though I am still worried about getting the illness (after all, it is hereditary) I know that I am in a much better place to help myself minimize the chances of getting it.

One of my friends had quite a few things to say about my eating changes - you don't have to be so drastic, you should treat yourself once in a while, etc. etc. More than that, she kept asking the details about the diet. 'What diet are you following?' I always clarified this with - It's not a diet. It's a choice. It's a lifestyle change.

Still, I don't think the words really sunk in. It was still seen as a diet. It was seen as restrictions. It was seen as deprivation.

Recently, this friend said the doctors think she is diabetic. They want her to go off all sugars and carbs for one month and retest her to see if it was just a temporary situation or if it was something more serious.

I immediately felt a bit of panic. It can happen to anyone, at any time.

I also thought: Start now. Start now. Start now.

Don't wait until it is to late to make these lifestyle changes. Don't wait until you are forced to make the changes. Do it while you are still in control, while you still have time to figure out what works and what doesn't, while you can adjust to the new lifestyle without the pressure and anxiety of illness hanging over your head.

Change, no matter what kind, always takes some time getting used to, but you have to believe that you are strong and resiliant ... and there is no way not eating a piece of bread or some French fries will harm you. There are so many things in life that we do not have control over ... but food is not one of them. There are so many good, delicious, healthy foods out there ... it's just about trusting yourself and knowing that you are strong enough to do it.

Don't wait. Start today. Start right now.

Under the Weather

I really feel like things have been moving non-stop for me for the past several months. Today is the first day that I started to feel really under the weather. I don't know if it's the weather change, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion ... or a combination of it all.

I knew I wasn't going to make it to CrossFit. There was no way I was going to be able to focus enough to lift weights in any way that would be meaningful. I didn't, however, want the day to go to waste. I knew I could squeeze out something. So, before thinking about it too much, I put together my own little  circuit of exercises.

5 rounds of:
100 jump rope skips
20 squats
10 burpees
50 crunches

No Excuses. 

That was it. I'm glad I did it, but after showering and getting into my lounge clothes I knew that I had had it. I am wiped out. I'm so glad I prepared dinner earlier today. Now I'm just waiting to eat, relax a bit, and hopefully go to be early and get a LONG overdue restful good night's sleep.

One year ago

One year ago, I woke up from what was supposed to be a hysterectomy to relieve me from the terrible pain of my uterine fibroids, to find out that the surgery wasn't successful; the fibroids could not be removed; they would remain & continue to multiply/grow and I would have to just suck it up and deal with the pain.

It was terrible, and I had a really tough time coping with this news. I was angry. Very angry. I went through huge bouts of depression and fury. [I still have the occasional bout.]

There were a few days where I just threw my hands up in the air and said: Fuck it. I don't care. However, out of the past 365 days I'm happy to say that most of those days were spent physically healing, getting on track with my diet and exercise, and fueling myself with determination that I will find a solution to this problem and when I do, I'm going to be in terrific shape to help the healing process go by quickly and smoothly.

I know that I was able to physically recover from this past surgery much faster than the previous one in 2008. This was simply because I had been working on improving my health and fitness; I saw the benefits as doing simple things like hoisting myself out of bed and lowering myself down onto a chair were not as difficult as before. It was still challenging, but imagine if I hadn't taken care of my health ... if I hadn't lost some weight ... if I hadn't done any strength training.

It was seeing these results that made me think - Fine. I may not be better, but I'm going to ignore this problem and keep exercising/eating right until I reach my goal. Even if I have a uterus that is the size of a woman's who is 6-months pregnant (very irritating when you're NOT pregnant!!!), I'm not going to let that be a reason for why I can't lose weight, become fitter, and thinner!

It's been a slow process, but I'm finally making really good strides and moving forward.

I still have daily pain, and some days are terrible. I still feel upset, but those moments are temporary because lamenting on my situation won't make me better.

I am finally ready to start researching further options to take care of this problem. I think I will try acupuncture for some pain management, because I really don't want to be taking pain killers if I can help it. Plus I've got a few numbers of some doctors in London and the States who I'd like to check with and see if they can help or at least advise.

I will continue to cope and make the best of the situation for now, but I really would like the problem to be solved. I can't believe that in today's day and age a handful of fibroids and adhesions are going to keep me in this much discomfort for the rest of my life.

So, it's time to tackle this upcoming year so that next year's post will be even more positive and have some good news.

In the meantime, I'll be exercising, eating right, and working on staying positive.

Mental Distractions

I find that I have to mentally prepare quite a bit before my CrossFit sessions. I'm always excited about each class, but I also feel intimidated. Voices of self-doubt and insecurity take over my mind - will I be able to do it? Suppose I can't? What if they have an exercise that I'll completely fail at?

I am aware of these distracting and detrimental voices. Today I tried my best to push them out of my head. I kept telling myself - You can do it. Just give it your best.

I also tried to challenge myself - If there are burpees, don't think about it. Just go. Just do it. They're not impossible. The fatigue is just in your mind.

Actually I find my mind to be fatiguing!

I missed the last two CrossFit sessions and I'll be missing several more while I'm away. I think that anticipation - of not being prepared/not practicing enough - was also weighing on my mind. Why is it that I try to bring myself down before I've actually tried? Why do I assume that I'll fail? I thought my self-confidence had improved ... apparently not.

I have a routine for Saturdays now - Our CrossFit session is at 3:30. I have a big breakfast @ 8 a.m. (egg white omelet with veggies) followed by a cup of coffee @ 10 a.m. I then have a banana around 1 p.m. and 2 dates just before I head out the door (though I forgot them today). [Actually, the fact that I forgot them also sent a nagging thought to my mind - you didn't have your dates; you may not have enough energy today. -- Damn, I really know how to psych myself out! How irritating!] After CrossFit I have a protein shake, followed by dinner some time between 7:30 & 8:00 p.m.

The plan is set. It works.
Not having to think about my routine means that I have more time to focus on thinking positively about my performance during training.

I got there a bit early today, and one of the other members of the team was doing a workout. It took my breath away. She was jumping rope, doing step ups, walking with weights, doing burpees + sprinting. I was in awe. I was inspired, but unfortunately, my negative self also said - you'll never be able to do that.

Why do I do that to myself? I know that I am not at that level yet ... but with practice and dedication, I can get there. I know I can. Yet I bring myself down with these negative thoughts. What's more annoying is that I know that these thoughts are bad, yet I can't control them. I guess I just need to try harder.

Anyway. I think having all these thoughts on my mind really got in the way of my performance. Actually, even if I did well I don't think my mind is ready to give a compliment. All I remember is that I was exhausted. I felt drained. I kept telling myself to FOCUS, but I also kept getting distracted.

I don't want to make excuses for why these distractions occur, though I know I could give you at least 12 off the top of my head.

Our WOD was AMRAP in 15 min:
15 clean pulls (used a 20 kg plate)
5 burpees (w/no push up)
10 dead lifts (did 50 kg for the first time; I lifted 40 kg the last time we had it for our WOD)
5 burpees (w/no push up)
10 hand release push ups
5 burpees (w/no push up)

I managed to complete 4 1/2 rounds. I don't know how the others did ... all I had in my mind was - damn, it was tough. I should have been able to push through more. It upsets me that I wasn't happy with my performance - that means I let my mental distractions take over. I've really got to get a grip.

Some people may say, well, at least you went and you tried ... but honestly, that's not good enough. I want to do more. I need to make sure my actions follow my desires.

Our challenge workout at the end was to hold plank pose for as long as possible. I know that I have no ab strength. It definitely hasn't been the same since the surgery. Basic moves that I could do before are more difficult now. That's when flashes of 'The Last Rant' come back in full force. Will I ever get over it? I guess the thoughts are at the front of my mind right now as I've started researching specialist surgeons in the UK and the States to see if this problem can be resolved -- we'll see.

In any case, all these thoughts just remind me how losing weight and getting healthy does not rely on just one factor. You need the desire, dedication, discipline, and drive to get your workouts in, eat right, stay mentally and emotionally focused. These are all important components. These are all things that I want to/need to improve on. I guess on days when I'm feeling mentally distracted I feel like everything else comes crashing down. I guess I should be thankful that I don't let my emotional distress keep me away from the gym, and I'm even more thankful that I don't binge eat anymore! So, I guess I'm making some positive strides. I'm going to try and continue to be positive and take obstacles as learning experiences rather than signs of failure. I really feel like once I can overcome and eliminate these mental distractions, I'll be able to take it to a whole other level. That has to be my focus from now on.

I have to keep working on this cycle -- and hope that I can reach that central goal.

It's About Discipline

I was talking to a friend about nutrition yesterday. This woman had done an amazing job losing over 120 lbs. and maintaining that loss for over a year -- truly inspirational. She leads an active, healthy lifestyle.

After all this time, she still makes a conscientious effort in watching what she eats. She enjoys a bit of everything - meat, dairy, sweets, etc. - but she is sensible about what she eats and she is aware that there are always consequences. Being at goal weight doesn't mean she can eat whatever she wants in any quantity. She still has to be careful. In general, she's cut out all sugary, refined, fatty foods from her diet. Does she still indulge in a burger or a cupcake? Yes. Perhaps two or three times a year. While she doesn't have cravings for junk food - which is something that I also realized for myself yesterday - she did say that she is still very aware of making sure she follows a balanced diet. It doesn't come easily to her. While she doesn't measure everything, she still measures some things (e.g. olive oil when she cooks, dressing for her salads). She still has trouble working fruit into her daily diet (something I can totally relate to). Anyway. All in all it just reminded me of the effort it takes to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I know several people who do not need to watch what they eat - they can eat whatever they want in whatever quantity and they'll always stay slim ...

If you want it, you've got to work for it. If you want to keep it, you've got to commit to continuing to work hard. It really does boil down to discipline.

We've heard it all before. I'm really not saying anything new.

The concept is so simple, yet why is it so difficult to implement? Is it because we want to see results immediately? Is it because we don't want it to be so difficult?

In the end, there's no other way than to do the work. I think in the beginning it's about doing something, anything. Do ten jumping jacks a day. Walk for 20 minutes every other day. Cut down on salt intake. As I said, something, anything.

I think starting small is good. It feels manageable. The little changes do make a difference. The next step is about being consistent ... and then following that up with more changes. Workout a bit more. Increase your intensity. Increase your duration. Make more changes to your diet.

Again, it doesn't have to be everything, but it should be something. It's not going to happen by wishing - you've got to work for it.

It truly does take patience. I've already got those pink boxing gloves ... now I just have to keep working really (really, really) hard until I get that body!