Move Because You Can

Life is so unpredictable. Things can change in an instant. The way my brother's physical condition changed in a moment - going from walking to paralyzed - has traumatized me. While I am so happy that his mobility is returning, his fight is not over yet. Unfortunately, today he began his first round of chemotherapy for lymphoma. He's been fighting different battles since late April 2013.

At first, his paralysis was attributed to his weight -- he was clearly obese. It was an interesting (and very upsetting) experience seeing how doctors in Kuwait were so judgmental ... that his physical condition must have been brought on by his size.

It was later found that a tumor on his spine was compressing his nerves which in turn caused the paralysis. He was bedridden for months. When the treatment (steroids, surgery, physiotherapy) finally started to take effect, he had to basically start all over - he had to learn how to walk. He had to learn how to move. He had to rebuild his muscles. He had to make his body work for him.

In the meantime, due to being in the hospital with more regimented food, he was losing weight. In fact, he lost just over 40 kg (88 lbs) in about 6 months.

Later, as his check-ups continued and the diagnosis was getting closer and closer to cancer, it was thought that the weight loss (at least part of it) was a side effect of cancer.

This conflicts me in so many ways. When I showed some people recent photos of my brother, they all commented on how good he was looking and expressing amazement with the amount of weight he had lost ... but part of me inside cringes at those responses because I know that he went through hell - paralysis, multiple surgeries, biopsies, and now chemotherapy ... does it matter that he has lost weight when he has had to suffer so much?

Anyway. The bottom line is - our health is precious. Focus on all the things you can do and take advantage of them. Focus on eating right because your body deserves it -- because you are still FREE to eat right and get healthy instead of being forced to because of some unfortunate health circumstance. Move not because it is part of physiotherapy -- move because you can.

It is tearing me apart that I am not by my brother's side today as he starts his treatment in Bangkok. However, I know that he will be strong. We are all staying hopeful and optimistic. He's been a true champ through all of this. I don't know how he did it, but he has been amazing, not a single complaint through the whole ordeal.

When we were living together in Kuwait, my brother helped me with my training during which I didn't hold back and I definitely kicked his ass a few times ... now it's his turn to kick cancer's ass.

Never stop fighting. 

Recovering

Thank you so much for your well wishes. I'm still coughing, which totally sucks. It's been 13 days now and I am so over this cold/flu/bronchitis attack or whatever!

In any case, I did start back with a bit more exercise this week. One of my motivating factors was my new pair of Asics running shoes. My former pair is totally worn out though I'm having trouble parting with them. I tested this new pair out on the track near my house. I wasn't able to run, but I managed to walk without too much difficulty in breathing. It's still going to take some time before I"m back to it full force.

I also restarted at Jiujitsu class this week. It felt so good to get back on the mats. Again, I had to take it a little easy, but I survived.

I also restarted my acupuncture treatment for my pain management this week. It's been a long time since I've been for a session. I'm hoping that it'll help ease the pain I've been feeling lately.

I have yet to get back to the weight room. I'm hoping I can hit the weights, even if it's a light workout, on Sunday.

In the meantime, I'm going to stay active but proceed with caution. Slowly but surely, I'm recovering.

MIA

I've been sick.

I started feeling ill about 2 weeks ago, and then it really settled in right after my birthday ... and it continued to get worse until it developed into bronchitis. I had a high fever that I couldn't shake for about 5 days. I was exhausted and doing really poorly.

I'm half way through a course of antibiotics. I'm improving, slowly but surely.

Just wanted to check in. I haven't been online since the 12th.

I'm going to try to go out for a walk today. Lately walking up even 1 flight of stairs has left me breathless for several minutes - it's been really depressing.

Resting when Rest is Needed

This morning when I woke up I knew there was no way I was going to hit the gym for my weights workout. I had coughed through most of the night and didn't feel well rested at all. I needed to rest, so I stayed home and rested. I was so glad that today marked the start of a 10-day holiday for me (Kuwait's National & Liberation Day celebrations) though of course it was an annoying way to start a holiday ... still, I had the opportunity to rest, so I did (not the sign of an exercise addict, right?).

I started to feel a bit better in the afternoon, and thought maybe, just maybe I can go to the Core class. By 5 p.m. I realized that I would be pushing it if I went. At that moment I decided - ok, get up - do something at home. I grabbed the Bosu ball and my foam roller and got to it. One of the requirements of the Whole Life Challenge is to do a minimum of 10 minutes of stretching/mobility exercises a day and 10 minutes of something active. I knew I could bang out at least 20 minutes.

I got it done - nothing too strenuous - just enough to get my body moving, work up a bit of a sweat, do some great stretching.

I felt good after that, followed by a hot shower ... and what made me feel even better was that after getting out of the shower I got a message from Marc saying that the Core class was cancelled - yay! So I didn't miss out and would have probably had to do a workout at home anyway! :)

I haven't had much appetite for the past 2 days but I'm trying to force myself to eat 3 meals just so that I make sure I'm still nourishing myself. Today didn't go too well - kinda skipped lunch - but I'm working' on it.


Yesterday's Workout
MMA training: Cardio Kickboxing (1 hour)
Stretching: 15 minutes post-workout
Burpees: 30

Today's Workout
General workout: 15 minutes Bosu ball workout
Stretching: 15 minutes

Yesterday's Food
Breakfast: 1 banana and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter
Lunch: 3 omelet muffins & 1/2 avocado
Dinner: Baked salmon & steamed veggies
Snacks: 4 dates, 1 orange, green tea

Today's Food
Breakfast: 1 banana and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter
Lunch: grazed on some raw nuts, had a few dates, had some hummus
Dinner: grilled chicken
Snacks: 3 cups of green tea

Core Domination and Destruction

Argh.

My nose is still stuffy; my throat is still sore. I must have used 100 tissues today - so bloody annoying. I'm just relieved that it's all kinda staying in my head region - no cough or respiratory problems. Whew.

Today's aim for my morning workout - just do something, even if it's a slow walk on the treadmill.

I did a 10 minute warm-up and then decided that I'd give Workout B of the NROL Fat Burn II program a go. I knew that if I missed it, then it would be really tough for me to complete this phase of workouts before leaving for the States in March.

Me getting ready to do the Bulgarian split squats w/push press - tough stuff!

The workout was tough. I made the mistake of not reviewing the exercises before getting to the gym, so I wasn't 100% sure about what some of the exercise moves involved - not good planning on my part. It definitely added to the toughness of the workout, I guess coz' I wasn't fully concentrating/focusing. Anyway. I only managed to complete 4 out of the 6 exercises of the day (deadlifts, push-ups, pull-ups, and Bulgarian split squats with a push press -- tough!!). I could have pushed through and completed the last 2 exercises, but I felt tired so I decided to use the last 15-20 minutes to just stretch.

Work was exhausting mainly because it's the last day before my students' big test tomorrow so we had a lot of material to review and I had 100s of questions to answer (literally 100s).

I came home to no lunch being prepared -- well, D suggested that we have the leftovers from yesterday, which I thought I'd have for lunch today, as dinner today, so there was nothing ready for lunch. Without thinking too much I just grabbed a fillet of salmon out of the freezer and put it in the oven - a dash of olive oil, some lemon, salt, and pepper - 30 minutes later, and it was done. I was fed.

I wanted to sleep a bit in the afternoon, but I couldn't so I just rested.

The big question - do I go to Core FX tonight? That's the class I wanted to try on Sunday but didn't make it coz' of my stupid sniffles.

So, I texted LJ to see if she would make it ... no response from her. Then 45 minutes before class I texted her again saying that I assumed she wasn't going (and was held up at work hence no response) so I'd just stay home and rest.

At 5:30 she texted me saying she was going (her phone had died so she couldn't reply earlier). I was torn. I had just made up my mind to stay at home and relax ... plus, would I really make it to class by 6:00? It takes at least 20 minutes to get there, not to mention getting ready (plus who knows about traffic). I asked her what she thought I should do (especially coz' some classes just don't work if you come in late) - and she said Come.

So I flew!

Luckily the class that was in the studio beforehand was running late, so I didn't miss any of the class at all (got there by 6:10).

Wow.

The class was basically circuit training - abs, weights, cardio, medicine ball stuff, burpees w/deadlifts, steps with shoulder presses ... I tell you, I had not worked up that intense of a sweat for that duration of time in AGES.

It was so tough, but so awesome! It was just LJ and I plus Marc our trainer. He had a blast torturing us -   dominating us - which led to the change of class name from Core FX to Core Domination (and then I later added Destruction) -- he totally pushed us and it felt great.

Ironically, while I was working out, I didn't have any sniffles or anything like that. My throat was a bit dry, but other than that, no signs of illness.

In the beginning Marc did yell at me (yes, yell). He was like, "Who says you're sick? Who put it in your head you're sick? I don't believe in illness." So I yelled back - I'm here, aren't I? lol -- it was a nice little banter and energy boost for me.

So, I survived my first Core Domination & Destruction class.

I'd love to make it to the class at least twice a week. Let's see how it works out.


Today's Workout
Weights: NROL Fat Burn II Workout B1 (1 hour)
Stretching: 15 minutes
General workout: Core Domination & Destruction circuit training (1 hour)
Burpees: 20

Today's Food
Breakfast: 2 omelet 'muffin's & 1/2 avocado
Lunch: Baked salmon with some tomato
Dinner: Same as yesterday - a whole life challenge friendly version of Shepherd's pie
Snacks: 4 dates, 1 cup of green tea

Clic here for today's Whole Life Challenge VLOG & update :)

One-on-One

Ok. Instead of taking you through my day, I'm just gonna start backwards.

I just got back from kickboxing class. I went even though I still am not feeling 100%. However, since it's mainly just a sore throat - no sniffling, sneezing, coughing etc - I thought, this is ok. I can suck it up and just go through with it.

Plus, LJ, the other girl who goes to kickboxing class, sent me a message earlier asking if I was going to be there. At that point I still wasn't sure, but since I left her on her own for yesterday's class, I really wanted to make an effort to go there.

Working out in a small group definitely gives me an extra push.

Groups are great because you establish a rapport. You also have a bit more accountability - like if you skip a class, the trainer and your partners are there to ask you why and tell you off it it's not a good excuse (all in the name of wanting the best for you of course). Anyway.

What I didn't know is that LJ got held up at work and I was the only one in class -- my first one-on-one training session with Marc. Boy did he work me hard! It was great. We went straight through the hour with just 3 1-min rest breaks -- worked on all the punches, elbows (love 'em), knees, and kicks as well as self-defense. The hour flew by!

I felt fine except for a bit of extra dryness in my throat.

So glad (as usual) that I made it to the class.

The rest of my day was fine. A bit tiring - lecturing for 3 hours with a sore throat is not fun.

Hoping for an early night tonight - definitely need some rest.

Today's Workout
MMA training: cardio kickboxing (1 hour)
Stretching: 15 minutes

Today's Food
Breakfast: 2 omelet 'muffins' & 1/2 avocado
Lunch: leftover veggies from last night's dinner & 1 omelet 'muffin'
Dinner: a whole life challenge friendly version of Shepherd's pie
Snacks: 1 banana, 3 dates, 1 cup of green tea


Click here for today's Whole Life Challenge VLOG & update :)

Pouting, Crying, Laughing, and Pouting again

When I returned to Kuwait in 2000 after living in the States, I lived at home for a while. Since my mom didn't drive, I would drive her to work in the mornings. Just before dropping her off, I would hold her hand and kind of 'whine' to her and say, 'Mom, I don't wanna go to school' - mimicking my middle school/high school days (incidentally, she's an English professor at the university as well) - and she would say, me neither.

As much as I love teaching, there are definitely some days when I don't wanna go to school! Today was one of them (most Sundays are!) ... I wasn't nearly as prepared as I had wanted to be for the week. I mean I was in terms of my lesson plans, but I wasn't in terms of preparing what to wear, packing up my gym bag, fixing my lunch etc. etc. Makes me wonder, what was I doing yesterday?!

In any case, I somehow collected myself and managed to get out the door. I didn't have time to make my omelet muffins so I improvised and boiled an egg, sliced half an avocado, and half a red bell pepper - drizzled a bit of olive oil over it and sprinkled some salt & pepper. It looked primitive, but it was going to have to do for my post-workout breakfast.

the view from the treadmill this morning - gorgeous day - Feb. 17, 2013

The first thing I did at the gym was complete the baseline workout for the Whole Life Challenge. The purpose of this workout is to complete it again at the end of the 8 weeks and measure our improvement.  The workout was 11 minutes: complete an 800m run, 50 crunches, 75 squats, and 100 push-ups, then burpees in any time remaining.

Needless to say, there was no time remaining for me. I only made it through the 56th push-up.

There's room for improvement.

After I did this workout I went down to the free weights area to start my new weights program. This one is called the Fat Burn II workout (still part of New Rules of Lifting). The program is 4 weeks long which is perfect because I leave for the States in 4 weeks. If I stick to my schedule and not skip any workouts, I should be able to complete it before I leave.

The workout wasn't bad (3 sets of 12 reps): front squats, push presses, wide grip rows, dynamic lunges, and two new exercises that I had never done before: supine hip extension with leg curl and upper body Russian twist:

supine hip extension with leg curl

upper body Russian twist

I really liked the supine hip extension - it felt great.

Here's where the pouting began
After I finished my workout, I started to feel a bit nauseous and worn out. I took 15 minutes to stretch out really well and then headed to the showers.

By the time I got ready for work, I felt really yucky. My head was all foggy and my throat started to feel sore. I was so tempted to just ditch work and go home.

However, since my students have their first big writing test on Wednesday, I really wanted to be there to make sure they got enough time to ask questions and prepare for the test. So, I went to work ... but I had to cut class a bit short because I could barely stand.

I got home, had lunch (leftovers from last night - could barely swallow) and then went to bed.

Here's where the crying began
I woke up after about an hour and felt worse - dizzy and mega sore throat. Ok, I didn't really cry, but I did tear up because I DIDN'T WANT TO BE SICK!! What the hell? I wanted to try a new workout this evening, and I knew that with the way I was feeling, it would be foolish to go. Still, I wanted to go ... I was so darn cranky. To some it may sound insane or unreasonable, but I love being at the gym. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I'm really putting in the effort to achieving my goals - not just wishing and hoping. I truly feel miserable (and guilty and like a slacker and lazy) when I miss/skip a workout (for whatever reason).

Here's where the laughing began
D tried to get me to be reasonable and recognize that feeling so stuffed up and dizzy to the point where driving would be dangerous is a sure sign that I should not go to workout ... "Besides you worked out for almost 2 hours this morning. Do you realize that some people don't even do that in an entire week?" I had to laugh (a little).

Here's where the pouting began again 
Ya, ya - listen to your body, rest so that you can come back stronger, blah, blah, blah.
I know.
I (kinda) agree.
I still rested, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

I'm still pouting, but I'm hoping that resting today and tomorrow morning will have me ready to kick ass at tomorrow night's kickboxing class.

Today's Workout
General: WLC baseline test
Weights: NROL Fat Burn II: Workout A1
Stretching: 15 minutes

Today's Food
Breakfast: Boiled egg with 1/2 avocado & 1/2 red bell pepper
Lunch: White fish with sweet potato & 2 tablespoons of hummus
Snack: 1/4 cup cashews, 2 dates, a cup of green tea

Click here for today's Whole Life Challenge VLOG & update :)

A Few Deeper Breaths

Today was the first day that I started to feel quite a bit better. Unfortunately I'm still coughing, and although I can take deeper breaths, I still cannot deeply inhale and exhale without choking/coughing ... so there's a ways to go.

Today marks 1 full week off from the gym. I cannot describe the frustration ... but I am just trying to hold on to the thought that this is needed rest time. Rushing back could cause a relapse, and then that would just be devastating!

Dad has been visiting from Bangladesh for the past few days. He leaves tomorrow night.
When he was visiting back in October [you can read this past post], we had quite a few issues with food. I was in the middle of the Whole Life Challenge and he just didn't get it. As a diabetic, he should be extra careful with his food intake ... but he isn't, and it drives me insane.

The second day he was here we stopped at the supermarket - he bought some chips, some chocolate, cake, and different types of bread - sliced, pita, croissant. In the days leading up to his visit I kept telling myself - don't get into a fight with dad over food. He's only here for a while. Just let it go. I tell you though after seeing him put those things in the shopping cart, it was insanely tough to bite my tongue. Of course he offered me the foods; he commented about my eating habits; he joked about food (which gets me the most) etc. etc. I had a really rough time dealing with it ... but I still kept quiet. I decided that it was his life. He could do whatever he wanted to do. In my house, I'll only provide tasty, healthy options. If he wants something from outside, then he can do it ... but that does not mean that I need to partake.

The main reason that I didn't want to get into an argument with him is because he's my dad after all. I tried to make clear (again) that his joking about food really upsets me but I also didn't harp on it. He's set in his ways and his mentality. I do not want to fight with him and then have him travel back to Bangladesh ... I do not want there to be bitter feelings between us because I might hurt his feelings by being angry about food. It's not worth it. I would be so devastated if something happened to him and the last the we had done was leave each other in anger.

Bigger picture. Bigger picture.

The best I can do is lead by example and stay true to my new lifestyle.

So, that has been quite a challenge. It's gotten a bit better though of course there are a few daily incidents that drive me crazy. Still. No need to lose sleep over it. We all make our choices and then have to deal with the consequences.

I'm hoping to get back to the gym by Saturday. I'll probably ease myself into my routine, which is fine. I just want to move again (and not cough)!

Hospital and Home

Just a quick post to say thank you so much for all the well wishes.

I've been flat on my back since Friday except for a trip to the hospital. I had a really high fever and was fatigued beyond belief.

The doctor put me on 3 days bed rest plus antibiotics and a few other meds.

My appetite and energy level have been absolutely zero.

Today was the first day that resembled something slightly normal - feeling better after showering and having a light breakfast of 2 dates and some green tea.

My dad is here for 5 days, mostly for doctor's checkups, so I needed to muster up some energy to drive him to the hospital. I know he could have taken a taxi but I felt like I needed to get some fresh air. The fresh air did feel good, but boy was I feeling shaky behind the wheel.

Back home now with another cup of tea. I plan on curling into bed with an old season of Top Chef and just dozing.

I hate missing the gym, but seeing as how I find walking from the bedroom to the living room absolutely exhausting, I know there is no way I can do anything else.

Surely in time.

Out of curiosity I had to weigh myself this morning. I knew I had dropped a bit, but I've actually dropped 4 kg (almost 9 lbs) since New Years day. I know it's not a pure loss since I'm ill and don't have a normal appetite, but seeing that low number just kept reminding me that as much as feeling ill makes me crave a bit of comfort food (actually, only my best friend's Mac n' Cheese at the moment), sticking to light soups and nutrient-rich/high energy foods is what I need to focus on first.

Ok. Enough computer time for now. Perhaps a bit of blog commenting later.

Thanks for all the love guys.
It really made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Feeling like a total Loser

Last night I felt like I was getting a bit of a cough. This morning there was no doubt that I had some sort of a cold ... and by mid-morning it was completely clear that my bronchitis was back.

Seriously? What is going on?

I spent a lot of time moping and crying about being such a loser - Here we are in the new year. It's Day 4 and I've already got a string of excuses for not being able to do all that I want - sore arm/cough - Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Cranky is an understatement of a description of how I feel.

I cried a lot this afternoon. I know it doesn't achieve anything, but it was the only way I could release some of my frustration.

I'm on a roll. I don't want to stop now - for any reason.

D was great in trying to keep me calm but I'm stubborn and was pretty adamant about remaining cranky. Still, I couldn't help but agree with some of the things he said.

I think the biggest help was realizing that I wasn't 'starting over.' It's not like I fell off the wagon, gained  a lot of weight at the end of the year, and was dusting off my gym membership card.

I'm continuing what I started last year. Today is not the beginning of a new year with a new plan with a new attitude. Today is day 369, and on day 369 I happen to be ill and need to take a break.

It makes sense to me, but I'm still cranky and grumpy about it.

It's only 2 p.m. I don't know what I'm going to do today. Ideally I would be doing 60 burpees (ok, did I just use ideally and burpees in the same sentence?) and going to CrossFit.

Right now my reality calls for a ton of water, Kleenex, my inhaler, and my bed.

I feel like a total loser. Bah.

I tried

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm hoping to incorporate morning workouts into my daily routine from now until September. The one thing that I didn't plan for was how this affects my breakfast. I had originally planned to make my omelet muffins on Sunday and have a couple each morning for the week - however, I just don't feel like eating that much right before heading to the gym. I'd eat them afterwards, since they're a really good source of protein and vegetables, but I usually don't come back home after the gym (heading straight to work, doing errands, or just chillin') ... so I have to figure out something to eat right before my workout and then something for right after that will hold me over until lunch.

My morning workouts won't be super intense, but they will be complete workouts. I'm still saving my energy for my afternoon training sessions which will always be more intense (CrossFit, kickboxing, or boxing). At the same time, I don't want to take it easy in the mornings because if for some reason I can't/don't make it to my afternoon sessions, I don't want to feel like I didn't have a proper workout.

In terms of food, yesterday I had 3 dates before heading out to the gym and then I had a banana and 2 more dates after my workout. Today I had 2 dates before my workout, and since I had a bit of time before I needed to be at work, I stopped at the PQ (my regular haunt) and had an omelet (they're fantastic about catering to your dietary needs - cooked in olive oil, hold the sauces/cheese, and use egg whites) and some green tea.

So far, this has worked out well ... I'll just feel more comfortable if I have a more sustainable plan. I really don't want to be buying my breakfast each day. We'll see. For now, it's working.

This morning's workout was good - 20 minutes on the treadmill again. I'm slowly trying to increase my jogging so that I'm back to where I left off with the C25K. Although I know I completed the 10K a few weeks ago, I know I didn't run 5K straight, and that's something I still want to do (and then work up to 10K straight of course).

I followed this with 20 minutes of jump rope - with very little rest in between. I'm getting so much better at this. I can easily do 200 skips without stopping. I've also been working on doing one-leg skips as part of my boxing training which is also improving!

I then did 20 minutes of bag work. I didn't punch hard because I had forgotten my wraps/gloves [hadn't planned on boxing this morning] but I did focused on form and technique. I practiced some of my kicks as well.

I then went on to 20 minutes on the cross-trainer (increased the intensity a bit more than yesterday) and ended with 50 crunches, 50 Swiss ball crunches, and 100 leg raises (50 per leg).

I had a short but exhausting day at work and was absolutely starving by the time I got home. Luckily I had leftovers from last night's dinner (baked white fish with tomatoes & a crispy cauliflower, sweet potato, and kale salad).

After eating, however, I suddenly felt sick. I had been having cramps all day anyway, but this was different - it felt like food poisoning & my body reacted as if it was food poisoning.

It was terrible. I was bewildered because I ate exactly what I had last night - surely it couldn't have been food poisoning!

The thing that I was dreading most was not going to my planned CrossFit session in the afternoon. I've already missed so many classes with travel etc. that I really didn't want to miss another one.

I rested for a bit, took a 20 minute power nap with the hope that my stomach would settle down.

I felt a bit better but still quite queasy and definitely unsure about whether or not I should go to the class ... still, I forced myself to get dressed and go. If I felt really bad, I could always stop and come home. [I'm trying to keep that Plan for Success attitude at the forefront of my mind.]

As luck would have it, class was cancelled (due to a car accident and an injury - nothing too serious thankfully). The Coach had actually called me but I was in such a rush to get to the Box that I hadn't answered and thought I would just talk to him when I arrived ... the joke was on me!

Anyway. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I was disappointed that there wasn't any class, but I was also a bit relieved that I didn't have to workout when I wasn't feeling 100%. Hopefully everything will fall into place next time!

Restless

Restless is actually an understatement.

I've been so cranky about not working out. It's my last few days of holiday before the academic year will begin. I envisioned myself working out, going for swims, and doing nothing but healthy, active stuff before the craziness of lesson planning, teaching, advising, and marking began ... blah. This sucks.

So nothing too exciting going on over here. I'm just taking the time to get organized - working on my menus, especially as the Whole Life Challenge approaches, my schedule for both work and my workouts, and of course straightening up my house.

Lots of de-cluttering going on here and it feels great. Part of it has also been to de-clutter my bookmarked blogs. I've got 4 tabs with different blog lists. My first list of blogs hadn't been checked for a while so I decided to go back to that list and see what was up. Out of the 50 blogs listed, within this past year 4 had been deleted, 22 had gained weight (8 of who had gained over 50 lbs), and 10 had not blogged in the past 3 months, 8 were at about the same weight doing nothing new, and 6 had been steadily losing weight.

Focusing on the ones who had gained weight would be useless and uninspiring. Words like too difficult, impossible, too busy, not enough money kept popping up. I decided to delete those. Actually, I deleted all the blogs off my reading list except for the 6 that had lost weight. What I noticed in their blogs were words like:

• determined
• keep trying
• exercising
• progressing
• positive
• sticking with the plan

Totally different in attitude and tone. Those are the ones who are really motivating and make me feel like - Yes, this may be going slowly for me, but it's still moving in the right direction.

At the same time I thought - Ok, I need to really get moving on this weight loss thing. Losing 18 lbs. over the past six months is not that much especially for how much I've been working out. I know I put in the hours at the gym, but I what I need to focus on is what I'm putting in my mouth!

The Whole Life Challenge begins on the 15th of September. That doesn't mean that it's binge galore until then. In fact, I've been trying to slowly cut things out of my diet just so it doesn't come as a shock to give everything up all at once. I need to be more vigilant about my food NOW. Why wait until the 15th to start to feel better about what's going in my body?

I'm definitely a planner and I like to have things organized before I get started - while it's incredibly helpful having menus and grocery lists mapped out, what's really important is to JUST DO IT! That's where I'm at right now -- trying to stay focused and hope that my inactivity does not lead to an additional pounds.

Some reminders:

Under a Fog

I have not been myself today.

I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the bronchitis, the antibiotics, or the lack of working out for the past 4 days (that makes me cringe) - all of which are related to one another - but I am just not myself.

I couldn't take the choking cough anymore so I ended up going to the hospital last night. I understand that doctor appointments sometimes take longer than planned so patients have to wait, but that's why I scheduled my appointment to be the first of the day. No waiting, right? Wrong! The doctor arrived to work 40 minutes after my appointment was due to start. I was fuming. I knew exactly what I had, my annual bout of bronchitis, but no doctor wants to hear that the patient knows her diagnosis so I refrained from sharing. Two hours, two x-rays, a spirometry test, and antibiotics + antihistamines later, I was home.

I hate taking meds, so I know that is contributing to both my funk and my lack of sleep.

No cardio/strenuous workouts for me for a week. That in itself feels like torture.

This morning I sat down to plan my week's menu. My mind went blank. I couldn't decide what to cook at all. Nothing. No ideas. Even old recipes were uninspiring. So I gave up.

I went to the bank to take care of some work where I was tortured by the most incompetent bank employee who didn't know that the currency of England was the British Pound and that it was part of the United Kingdom. I'm not sure how I managed to leave the bank without strangling her, but I resisted. I don't like using the word stupid, but she was indeed STUPID.

I headed to the grocery store with no menu in mind and no list in hand. I never do that. WTF? My mind was just in a fog.

Nothing else to do but stock up on protein - meat and chicken for D, shrimps and fish for me, plus lots of veggies and some Greek yogurt. No brainer really. No junk food in the house means there's no junk food to eat.

I really wanted to go to the gym, even if it was just to walk, but seeing how winded I felt just carrying all the groceries up the stairs, I though I best listen to the doctor for now. I don't want a setback before I've even really started to recovery.

So I was restless at home for the rest of the day. I decided to de-clutter which always makes me feel better, though until the task is complete I do feel a bit anxious. Slowly but surely I'm making my way through the mounds and mounds of all the papers collected over the past 4.5 years of my PhD research.

I'm hoping that tomorrow the fog will have lifted and I'll be more like myself.

Seriously?

Just when I thought this week couldn't get any more bizarre and off-track food poisoning this afternoon kept me from CrossFit ...

That's all I have to say for now.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week. I'm determined it's going to be better.