Something's Gotta Give

I'm glad that when I had to change up my routine today I didn't panic or get angry - well, I was a bit irritated that one of the reasons I had to change my plans was because I had a ton of grading to do -- but   this is how things go sometimes, right?

Anyway. I had a good yoga session on the beach this morning. I'm gaining more and more control with my headstand.

Attempting a headstand on my own

I then went to RPM class. Although I am enjoying the class I'm thinking of changing it up. I don't think I'm pushing myself as much as I could. I think I'll get better results on the cross-trainer or the treadmill/running outdoors. I'll see what I can do.


I couldn't make it to CrossFit unfortunately, but I had a really productive afternoon. As the title of this blog post says - Something's Gotta Give!

Trying to figure out how I'm going to fit everything into my day is tough! I just gotta take it one day at a time. Being busy makes it ever so much more important to make sure my food is on point and that whatever time I do spend at the gym counts.

Today's Food
Breakfast #1: 2 dates, 1 T peanut butter
Breakfast #2: fresh fruit salad
Lunch: shrimp avocado salad
Snack: 1/2 cup coconut Greek yogurt
Dinner: Grilled salmon with steamed carrots and broccoli
Snack: Papaya & 1/2 oz. dark chocolate

Today's Exercise
Yoga (1 hour)
RPM (1 hour)

So Busy!!

I'm struggling to keep up with my blog. I really do want to get back to blogging regularly, but I just haven't managed to squeeze in the time. Things have been SO busy, and I feel like they're about to get busier. I seriously need a few extra hours in my day!

I totally forgot about writing a Friday Five post -- that post was supposed to be my easy post to help me keep up with my blog ... ya, didn't happen.

What did happen on Friday was that I spent 6 hours at my desk working on my Specialist in Fitness Nutrition final exam. It's a LONG exam. I only finished 260 questions out of the 350 multiple-choice questions and I've still got the essay and case study to complete. I've pretty much done the case study. I just need to type it up.

On Wednesday I met up with my first 'client' -- she's actually my case study, but she's also going to be a real client of mine. I was nervous, but it went well. It took about 2 hours and I think we're going to need at least another 2-4 hours before I can set something up for her properly. There are so many factors involved in setting up a good program. I don't want to just give out a food plan. I really want to come up with a plan that's going to be sustainable and help the person reach their goals -- and stay positive and motivated throughout the process. It's a tall order, but one that I want to fulfill!

Thursday I had a really good gym session in the morning - weights and cardio - followed by a good RPM session at night.

Me on my bike :)

Today - I did yoga in the morning, followed by RPM ... and then CrossFit in the evening. It kinda sucks that Saturday is the last day of our weekend here and I spent the whole day running around ... but I had the time so I took the opportunity to workout. I'm just going to have to find time during the week to squeeze in those errands that are normally saved for the weekends.

Our yoga pyramid this morning on the beach :) 

As I said, busy, busy, busy.

One week left of the Whole Life Challenge -- going to try and finish off STRONG!!

Getting it Done

This morning did not go as planned.

I really have to be careful with my new morning routine. I've realized that unless I get ready to go, I get lazy and feel like putting it off for later (and run the risk of not going at all).

I did not feel like going to the gym this morning. I was still feeling tired from the night before. Although I slept relatively early, I had a very restless night. For the past two nights I've been having very, very vivid dreams that have been disturbing/upsetting. I normally have quite vivid dreams and remember them upon waking. However, these dreams have been different. I've been waking up feeling a bit anxious or upset. Anyway.

So this morning I did not go to the gym. I felt like I needed some time in the house to catch up on things (blogs, next year's budget, continuing my unending list of things to do, work on my new schedule etc.). I sat down with a cup of green tea and go to it.

I definitely felt a bit better after getting a few tasks done, like I was finally getting on track, but I think that battling my procrastination tendencies will be my main focus in 2013. I know it can sound like I'm energetic and always on the go, but I can be quite a slacker sometimes!

Today was my last day of work for the semester. Since I work in a government institute we follow a different schedule from the American/British schools here so our holiday doesn't usually coincide with Christmas (though I do get the day off). I don't go back to work until mid-Jan!! :) With this much time off I'd usually travel, but given that I've just come back from a trip, there are no travel plans. I'm glad to be staying put as there is much to be done at home!

After getting home and having lunch (leftover shrimp and vegetables cooked in coconut milk) and doing a few more tasks, I started to get lazy about working out.

I told myself that I could always just workout at home, but I knew inside that my efforts would be half-hearted.

I wanted to exercise, but I just didn't feel like it -- does that make sense?

I was reading some blog posts and then one of Norma's posts came up - "Expect to KICK ASS and then fucking DO IT" and "Start fixing it NOW" are the two sentences that stuck out the most for me ... so even though it was 5 p.m., I quickly threw on my gym clothes, grabbed my gym bag, and headed out in hopes to catch the 6 p.m. RPM class.

I made it. I did it. I felt great.

It was just one of those days where I needed a little extra push. Luckily I got it (thanks Norma!) and going to an exercise class was perfect to help me stay focused and get a good hour of sweat on.

Stronger Legs

I started writing a blog post yesterday but got distracted and didn't complete or post it. Oh well - it happens. Things have just been so busy around here. Even though it's a holiday I've got a bunch of research and writing to do. It really hasn't been much of a break, but just the fact that I don't have to go to work and deal with any lesson prep/marking is a blessing.

I've been feeling a bit stressed with things that I need to get done so before I started my day yesterday I took 45 minutes for myself and had a great yoga session. I was totally calm, relaxed, and focused. I took my time with the different positions and just enjoyed feeling my body loosen up. I wish I could do that every morning, but 15 minutes will have to do!

Later on in the day I hit the gym. After a 30-min cardio session (including 15 minutes of running in intervals) I went up to the spinning studio for RPM class. It felt so good to get on that bike and pedal. What felt even better was that I was able to put the resistance to a much higher resistance than I ever had before. My legs felt nice and strong. It felt AMAZING! I definitely want to try to fit in at least 1 RPM session a week -- scheduling is always the issue.

Today I did a bunch of different cardio exercises. I've been doing some running everyday as part of this week's specific challenge in the Whole Life Challenge. While the running has been going well, it has also been a bit draining and I'm kinda tired of the treadmill.

So today I did something a bit different. I did 2 km on the treadmill (including 10 minutes of straight running - legs definitely felt nice and strong during this run too! So happy!!). Then I moved to the rowing machine, which totally kicked my ass! I managed to do 2 km in just under 10 minutes. I then got on the bike and cycled for 2 km. I didn't like the bike at all. The pedals didn't have any straps so my feet were just resting on the top. Plus the seat was at a slightly downward angle so I kept slipping forward and having to slow down/stop to readjust. Luckily 2 km didn't take me very long to complete (I think it was 5 minutes or just under). I ended with the cross-trainer and did 4 km on that to complete 10 km of movement for the day. I ended with 15 minutes of good stretching.

So things are good on the movement front for me.

My appetite is back. Yesterday I had a crazy craving for meat -- so I had some grilled lamb kebabs for dinner. Then I did something that totally surprised myself. I ate chicken! I haven't had chicken in 5 years! For some reason I was just ravenous -- so I ate! It was all lean, all grilled, definitely all Whole Life Challenge friendly! I think I just needed a change of taste. I've been eating so much fish lately - I was tired of it. The change was appreciated.

I was a bit worried that I would feel terrible after eating so much chicken & meat after such a long time ... but luckily I didn't. I was definitely full after eating, but I didn't feel bad or over-stuffed. I felt a bit heavy ... but by morning I was ready to eat again!

I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes!


I'll end with a recent pic -- The first ClubFit t-shirt I bought was an XL, but what I ended up wearing was a Medium -- that's how deep body image distortion goes. Hope I can get over it!

Supporting Club Fit (Kuwait) [proceeds of t-shirt sales go towards breast cancer research]

Getting Ready

Panic is definitely setting in.

I woke up at 4 am without my alarm - there was just so much that I had to get done. I managed to get a bit of marking done before having to leave the house at 5:45 am to take my in-laws to the airport. At least that's one major distraction out of the way. It was nice having them here, but I think I was a bit to stressed out to fully enjoy them being here.

I was back at my desk by 7:45 and grading papers plus preparing my lessons for next week's substitute teacher. It's one thing when you go in and teach your own class - all the details etc. are in your head - it's something completely different when you have to write down all those details for someone else to follow. I do hope it goes smoothly.

I worked until around 11 am and then headed to the gym for RPM class. I wanted to get in my hour of cardio. I hadn't done RPM in quite a while. I've always found that the class helps me zone out a bit. It's not like Zumba or Body Combat where you really need to pay attention to all your moves. RPM relaxes me (that is, if you don't count being totally out of breath and drenched with sweat) :)

Back at home and at my desk. Still trying to prepare my lessons for work plus get through a few tasks that I have left in preparation for my defense. I definitely feel like I don't have enough time to get everything that I need to get done finished. I have started packing for my trip. The good thing about going to the university is that I'm going as a student - so jeans and casual tops are totally fine! I just have to choose something nice and comfortable to wear for my viva. Overall I'm trying to keep the packing light since I definitely want to fill up my bag with lots of shopping!

I'm dreading the weather - rainy and cold. I am glad, however, that a light-weather jacket that I bought from the GAP that stopped fitting me 2 years ago now fits so nicely! It's even a bit loose so it'll be great for layering up. Definitely an NSV for this week. 

Cravings, Dust, and Hot Pink Shoes

Last night I went out with a few girlfriends. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous, and last night was the perfect evening to sit outdoors, chat, laugh, and enjoy some iced tea (unsweetened, of course).

I got home at around half past eleven and I had crazy cravings. I wanted to eat something - I wasn't sure what, all I knew was I wanted it to be yummy. Mmmm what I would have given to have some chips and salsa! Fortunately (unfortunately) there was absolutely NOTHING in the house to snack on. The closest thing to junk food in the house is a box of After Eight mints (40 calories a piece by the way). As delicious as After Eight's are, they're really don't work when it comes to satisfying a craving. *sigh* I'm glad that I don't keep junk food in the house - it's for days like this, which I'm happy to say don't happen often.

I know my will power hasn't changed as much as I would have liked it to ... I know that had there been some tostitos in the cupboard, I would have polished them off. I've definitely taken the right step by not having any munchies in the house. So, I drank some water, brushed my teeth, and eventually made it to bed.

I had mentioned in yesterday's blog post that I was thinking about going for my first swim of the season today ... You should have seen me walking out the door this morning. I had a long day ahead of me ... workout in the morning, work, errands, Zumba at night. I had my beach bag for my swim, my morning workout bag, my clothes for work, and another workout bag with my Zumba shoes and another set of workout clothes. I looked like I was going away for a long weekend! Anyway.

When I had looked out the window, it looked foggy outside ... but as soon as I stepped out I was greeted by dust. Yuck. Definitely one of the pitfalls of living in a desert country. This is a snapshot on the drive to the gym -- visibility was less than 100 m, really nasty (though do you like my boxing glove ornament on my rearview mirror?) :)

So, the swim was out of the question.

I went on to complete my NROL4W Workout A3. While my negative chin ups are still crazy difficult (I cannot lower myself down slowly) -- I can, however, hold on longer and even raise my knees higher, and today I even managed to bend my elbows a bit to lift myself up (just a tiny, tiny bit). I was so thrilled!

I was also so happy to have completed 4 sets (of only 2 reps each) of underhand lateral pulls at 55 kgs (that's 12 lbs)! I did my split squats with 40 kgs (88 lbs), and I know I'm ready to go for a higher weight. I am really pleased with my progress!

I left the house a bit earlier than usual this morning because I wanted the extra time in case I could have fit in that swim ... but since I didn't, I finished my weights workout a bit early ... and since DB (my favorite trainer) was doing an RPM class that morning I decided to join in for the first 35 minutes (would have done the whole class if I didn't have to shower, change, and get to work!). He had warned me that it would be tough after the squats I did ... and OMG - it was tough! My legs felt hmmmm what's the word? Something between 'solid' and 'heavy' - in any case, it was good to get in a bit of tough cardio in the morning.

Work went well. Errands were successfully completed -- including the purchase of my new running shoes!! Finally! I ended up buying the new Reebok zigtech shoes. We'll see how they turn out ...

Today seemed to be the day for hot pink shoes because this is what I wore to work today:

... and these are the new trainers that I bought :)

Talk about a pop of color! I do love pink, but I had not intended to buy these shoes in hot pink ... they just didn't have any others in my size. Oh well. I'm not complaining!

Ok, to wrap things up.

I did go back to the gym in the afternoon.

I did 5 km on the cross-trainer ... and then, I saw that the Abs Blast class that's held just before Zumba was still in session. Since I didn't do any abs in the morning (coz' of the RPM class) I decided to join them for the last 15 minutes.

I really wish I hadn't. I mean, I'm 'glad' I did, but from the 1st minute it was pure torture! Bicycle crunches -- my absolute nightmare!! Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, he was doing variations on bicycle crunches!!! WTF? We were laughing in class just because we were too sore to cry lol -- hmmmm should I give the class another try? The 15 minutes I did was SO painful!

I ended the evening with Zumba -- I love Zumba!! :) Although I was quite tired, I did put my all into the class and left drenched in sweat but really happy ... that is until I showered and changed and realized that I had to put my hot pink heels on again ... I do love my heels, but after such a long day and 2 hours of exercise, I just wanted my Havaianas!!

I think I'll sleep well tonight!

Planning Ahead

I just spent the last hour fixing up my workouts and meals for the upcoming week. It'll definitely be a challenge as I have quite a lot of work (as well as errands) plus a number of social engagements - always a trap for excessive calorie intake. It's going to be a challenging week ... In any case, I hope that I will be able to stick to my plan of attack and actually lose a pound or two this week.

My leg is feeling better, but still not 100% -- very frustrating! I haven't gone to Zumba class in 2 weeks now, and I really want to get back into the class. I just know that I'm not ready at the moment - too many sudden movements shifting direction that will add strain to my quads - but hopefully I'll be ok by Tuesday. Fingers crossed!

Today I had a good 35 minute warm-up on the cross-trainer and then went up to RPM class. I definitely had to watch myself on the power climbs, but I managed to complete the class successfully and work up a terrific sweat.

I can't wait to get back to feeling normal again ... I never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss doing lunges and squats -- they just make you feel so strong! One more week before I can do them, so this upcoming week I'm focusing a lot on upper body strength training plus whatever cardio I can manage without straining my legs. Although it's not my ideal workout, a change in routine is always good - keeps the muscles guessing!

Fringe Benefits

I have to admit that it was a bit of a struggle to get to the gym this morning. I had a late night last night and didn't get enough sleep. I'm I'm going to workout twice a day I really do need to make more of an effort to get at least 5 hours of sleep - of course ideally 7 or 8, but let's be realistic. I am a chronic insomniac!

Still, I made it in to the gym. Did 30 minutes on the cross-trainer and then decided to do weights for just my legs.

Ever since I started on the NROL4W program I have pretty much left all other weight training exercises/classes. I have indulged in the occasional Body Pump class, but I've mainly stuck to the program.

However, I really felt like I needed to do something to work on my quads, especially given my muscle pain.

I spent about 45 minutes doing different exercises - leg presses, leg extensions, leg curls, adductor, abductor, etc. etc. It was really good. The pain is not completely gone, but every time I stretch it definitely feels better.

Later in the afternoon I went back to the gym - did another 30 minutes on the cross-trainer. Unfortunately there was no Zumba class tonight (the instructor is still unwell) so I decided to do RPM instead. Again, it's been quite a while ... but it was a killer/amazing class. I worked up a mega sweat - you could literally wring the sweat out of my clothes after I was done. It felt awesome! :)

Tomorrow will be my last day of NROL4W Stage 4 -- again, I'm very happy with the slow and steady approach to lifting weights that is offered by this program. I'm sure part of the reason RPM class went well is because my legs are stronger from the weights/resistance training. It's so great to see the benefits in other areas of my life besides just muscle growth. Feeling stronger means I can do things with more energy and enthusiasm, which gives me an overall feeling of satisfaction.

I just gotta keep these fringe benefits in mind whenever I get to a point when I feel like I don't want to go to the gym or that I'm feeling tired. It's all about the bigger picture, and it's definitely about living a happier and healthier life.

Last Workout

I had my last workout today. I was tempted to make it a 'last chance workout' but the last thing I wanted to do was overstrain myself and add to the soreness that I'm bound to feel post-surgery.

Half an hour on the cross-trainer

About a half hour of free weights - just to loosen up my muscles, nothing major

Then, RPM class - which is the class that I'm going to miss the most!

It's frustrating because I feel like I was just getting back into the swing of things and really getting into my workouts, and now this is happening.

Well, I guess this is life. Very few people have the luxury of having the time to workout whenever and how much they want on a daily basis as well as the ability (plus time & money) to fully focus on nutrition ALL the time ... most of us have things that need to get done everyday. On top of that, life happens -- we get sick, we get busy, people around us need us, plans get interrupted, things just happen ... there's no escaping it. The time to focus on getting healthy is now, at every moment ... not when the time is right.

So, I'm not going to dwell on missing the gym for the next few weeks. That type of thinking won't get me back into the RPM studio any sooner!! I'm going to focus on my recovery - on doing what's best for me - physically and mentally - to come back as soon as I'm ready and continue moving forward on this journey.

I'm definitely curious to see how the weight loss will go over the next six weeks. I mean my movements will be fairly restricted, and definitely no lifting ... I know that I can (and will) watch what I eat, but I also know that you need to eat well in order to replenish your body and give it the strength to recover ... so I'm just wondering how it will all balance out ... I guess we'll find out ...

Busy Day

This morning I did NOT want to leave the house. I was fully dressed but still sitting at home ... watching the minutes tick by 6:30 (I'm usually out of the house a bit before 6:30 a.m.), 6:40 - can't move & I know traffic is building up; 6:50 - let me put away some laundry; 7:00 - shit. I'm so tempted to call in sick!! Oh well, I'm going to be stuck in traffic, might as well burn a new CD so that I have good music to enjoy in the car (arranged my playlist, burned the CD) ... 7:10 and I'm out the door. I was stuck in traffic for AGES!! I can't even begin to describe the insane driving here (cars jumping onto the sidewalk so that they can get closer to the traffic light and then hop back down onto the road -- basically what's causing the traffic jam in the first place!) -- I just tried to keep my cool. At least I had some good tune to jam to while I was stuck.

I made it to class in time ... but was literally counting the minutes until it was over. I wonder if students have any idea how much teachers sometimes just want to get out of class! Anyway.

I had a lot of rushing around to do to prepare for tonight's farewell dinner.

Today was MX's last day at the gym. She leaves for London on Thursday - I'm really gutted about her move, but I know it'll be a good change for her ... So even though I was hosting a small farewell dinner for her this evening I went in for her last RPM class (she used to teach that as well as Body Balance and Body Pump). It was sad. It's going to be so weird seeing her bike and not seeing her on it ...

Dinner was a success. Even though I hadn't cooked chicken in ages, I decided to make chicken kofta for the meat-eaters, root vegetable bake (only with herbs and a light coating of olive oil), vegetable stir-fry, salad, and rice.

I really enjoy cooking, but I haven't really experimented with any new recipes because I've basically got 4-5 meals on rotation - not much time for creativity or experimentation. At least today I got a chance to cook something new.

Trying to Focus

I was really feeling the effects of yesterday's workouts today. The muscles in my arms were aching even as I was writing/typing! It's a good kind of ache though. I was thinking about going for a swim today, but that didn't happen as I got bogged down with work. In any case, I'll be going in for RPM this evening.

Well, it's the start of a new week, and after a few distractions this past week I'm ready to get back into a more normal routine. I managed to finish the paper I've been working on for a conference being held in DC later this year - what a relief! I've still got a ton of marking to do. The student essays are not too bad, but they're just a drag to get through. Then of course there's my thesis ... will it ever get done?! I've only made a bit of progress on it since I got my extension but I really need to get a move on ... especially because I've been giving a lot more thought to the surgery I need to have. I'm honestly not feeling that well. The constant pressure and pain in my abdomen is irritating me ... plus I feel like I'm getting worse. Of course I don't

know this for sure, it may just be a psychosomatic effect. Nevertheless, it's distracting and I'm having a hard time staying focused on all the tasks I have ahead of me. In any case, I'm trying to schedule an appointment with a local doctor because I can't afford to keep flying to London for check-ups or treatment ... so fingers crossed I can accomplish something on that front this week and then figure out the next step.

Although this is an obstacle I'm trying not to let it distract from all the things I can still do/have to do. I need to stay focused - concentrate on things I can control and let go of the one's I cannot. Working, watching what I'm eating, working out, and water, water, water!

Rested and Restored

I had a really good night's sleep last night -- I haven't slept that well in over a month, and as soon as I woke up, I could feel the difference. I had a lot scheduled for today (papers to grade, research paper to write, thesis to edit - still!), but the first thing I wanted to do was head to the gym and make the most of my energy.

Although I knew I wanted to go to the gym, I was indecisive about what workout I wanted to do. I was thinking about doing some warm-up cardio and then weights ... and possibly RPM class ... but that class started at 12. What would I do in the meantime (as I was planning on being at the gym around 9:30)? In any case, I got there and spoke to MC who was doing a Power House session at 10 ... so I thought - why not? It's been about a year since I did Power House; perhaps the change in routine will do me some good.

Power House is a circuit training class, and it is TOUGH. There are 16 stations. You spend a minute at each station completing as many reps of the exercise at that station as possible before moving to the next. For example, today the first few were: chest presses, weighted squats, running on trampoline, bicep curls, tricep dips, abs etc. The pattern is basically 2 weights, 1 cardio, 2 weights, abs, and repeat. It's quite challenging - especially because you have to transition from one station to the next immediately and get started. The goal is to do as many reps as possible, but you also have to pay attention to your form. [I'm very proud that I bench pressed 20 kg (45 lbs); I can't remember how many reps I did coz' I lost count, but I did well!] Anyway. It was a really good class. I was totally drenched, but didn't have any time to change my t-shirt before the 11 a.m. Pilates class.

That class was soooo good! I know there are a lot of people, especially guys, who think that Pilates isn't challenging. However, I assure you, if you're doing it correctly, it is very challenging! You try doing about 10 minutes of plank pose variations and let me know if you're sweating or not! TJ was teaching the class, and she is excellent. Though you look at her tiny little body doing these poses in perfect posture and you think - damn, she makes it look so easy!

Finally, RPM. I haven't done 3 classes in a row for a LONG time ... however I really wanted to do today's class, and I'm glad I did. Great session - more sweat, more adrenaline pumping. It was fab.

Now, it's back to work for me ... I'm feeling energetic from the cardio, but sore from the weights and Pilates ...

Tomorrow is weigh-in day ... as you could tell I didn't eat perfectly according to The Plan, but I think I was able to make smart choices, and I know I hit my workouts really hard this week. So we'll see if it all worked out or if I messed up!

Burn it to the Ground

I had a rough morning/afternoon.

My anxiety was bad - the worst attack I've had in about a year. Heart racing and pounding through my chest, restlessness, nausea, feelings of helplessness ... I had to struggle to fight the urge to vomit - that's a path I'm not going down again.

I knew what it was ... for the past five or six years my birthday has always made me anxious. It's not about getting older - not at all. I've never had a problem with the whole age thing. I'm perfectly fine with turning 35 tomorrow.

The anxiety lies elsewhere -- it's all attached to painful memories ... bad experiences that surrounded my birthday in the recent past ...

I understand the powerful consequences of trauma - but I don't want to be that girl who is anxious over various events that happened years ago. Why should I be a prisoner to distant memories - events that are no longer relevant in my life. Sure they happened. Sure they had an impact ... but should they affect me now? Today? Ever? I don't want it to be that way.

I got my stuff together and decided to head to the gym ... on my drive over my heart was racing and I was having second thoughts. Going to the gym in the early evening meant it would be crowded - my friends would be there - I'd have to socialize and I didn't know if I could handle it. It sounds silly, doesn't it ... but if you've had anxiety/panic attacks (and went through a really bad 2-year spell of social anxiety) then you know what I'm talking about.

I had a non-stop internal monologue going during the 2o-minute drive.

You can do this.

Do not be a prisoner to your fear.

You are stronger than that.

What happened in the past is in the past -- no good can come from rehashing those memories.

You define who you are at this moment.

etc.

etc.

etc.

I got to the gym and went upstairs to where my locker is. The room was empty - thank goodness. I had some editing to do so I sat down and worked for a solid 45 minutes ... just trying to focus my concentration on my work ... and keep convincing myself that I had nothing to worry about. Everything was fine.

At 5:45 I took a deep breath and headed up to the spinning studio. It had been a while since I had been to RPM class - but I knew M&D would be there and I was trying to tell myself to look forward to being around my friends versus feeling anxious.

Then the music started ... and I started to feel better.

I pedaled faster.

I increased the intensity.

Sweat was pouring - my heart was racing - but this time in a good way.

Track 3 was exhausting; luckily D chose a great track for recovery -- track 5 and I was ready to go - my legs burning, but my adrenalin soaring ... and track 7 - one of my all time favorites - Burn it to the Ground by Nickelback. YES!!!

"No fear, no doubt. All in, balls out!"

I gave it everything I had. Everything.

Tracks 8 & 9 were cool down and I felt like a new person.

As I showered and got dressed I felt good. I was proud of myself for not letting the anxiety get to such a point where I felt like the most I could do was just lie in bed and hide from the world. This may not seem like a big deal ... but for me it is.

The demons are not gone. There are still issues that need to be dealt with. There is still a lot of anxiety -- but for the first time, when facing an attack as bad as it was earlier today, I stood up to myself and said - No. This is NOT good for you. You CAN get through this ... and I did.

From Bike to Dancefloor

I definitely started off in a bit of a funk yesterday, but I'm pleased my mood didn't linger. I got to work early and actually managed to get quite a bit of reading as well as writing done before class. It was my first official teaching day. I tell you, I'm sure glad I got out of that funky mood because standing in front of 34 19-year-olds at 8:00 a.m. is not easy! Anyway. It wasn't a long class since we're still kind of in orientation mode, so I was done with work by 9:15 a.m. (yes, you read that right!) and had just enough time to run to the bank (which didn't end well) before heading home to study.

I wasn't sure if I was going to go to the gym as I was really feeling the effects of Wednesday's workout as well as my weight training on Monday ... but I thought I'd just leave it up to my body to decide. I knew I'd be dancing later on that night at MD's party so I knew I'd get my cardio in one way or another.

I ended up getting about six hours of studying done (very happy with that) and felt ready and rested enough to make it for RPM class which I absolutely love!! I was totally energized after class - though my legs were a bit shaky ... still, I put on my dancing shoes and headed out. Most of my friends from the gym (including some of the trainers) were there and we were all on the dance floor getting our second session of cardio on (4 hours of dancing in 5-inch stilettos - it was quite a workout)! It was a much needed break from all this studying and the stress!!

Stage 1 Challenge B

That's it! I did it! I completed all of Stage 1 plus the two bonus workouts at the end ... and I.Am.Exhausted!!

I'm flying out tomorrow morning so I have a zillion errands to run, but there was no way I was going to miss this last workout. My original plan was to get to the gym by 7 a.m., do the NROL4W workout, and then do RPM (class starts at 8:00 a.m.) as my last cardio.

Things didn't go exactly as I had planned. I was so tired this morning - had a late night last night and I think the stress of the past few days (weeks) is really catching up to me. Anyway. I didn't want to rush myself and end up having a bad workout so I decided to just make it for RPM and then do the challenge workout afterwards.

I sure did feel the effects of yesterday's squats and step-ups during RPM. I really gave it my all - kind of had that 'last chance workout' (from The Biggest Loser) idea in my head. You know that favorite quote of mine from Jillian? 'Unless you puke, faint, or die - keep going!' Well I had that running through my head especially for tracks 5-7 ... I honestly thought that in the middle of track 7 I was going to throw up - but I didn't and I didn't lower my resistance either - I just kept going. Whew! Cardio over ... now on to Workout B.

I used the same strategy as yesterday - as many reps as possible in 2 minutes using the starting weight from the first workout.

Dead lifts @ 30 kg -- damn they felt heavy! I only managed to do 30 reps.

Shoulder presses @ 5 kg (dumbbells) -- 45 reps (wish I had hit 50)

Lateral pull @ 34.05 -- 30 reps

Lunges with 6 kg dumbbell in each hand - 50 reps per leg (Ouch!!! My legs were burning!)

Swiss ball crunches -- 75

I definitely felt tired and a bit strained while I was doing this workout. I know I should have rested more, but I know I would have been very disappointed if I hadn't tried.

So that's it. I finished all of Stage 1. I'm not going to have access to a gym until I'm back, but the good thing about being in London is that I walk so much - a huge contrast to living in Kuwait where we drive everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE. So I'm looking forward to some daily walking plus I've been working on a mini-exercise routine that I hope I can keep up with while I'm away - will share it in the next post or two.

Ok. On to the other zillion errands!

Autopilot

My anxiety about my writing has gotten worse. I know that I'm making (very slow) progress, but I just fear it's too little too late. I was at my desk by 4:15 a.m. and immediately got to work. I find it's always good to work with a target in mind, but then I fears of not meeting my target by the end of the day keep infiltrating my mind - along with mental sobs laced with panic. Still, like the attitude I've been having with my workouts, I am refusing to let the words 'I can't do this' enter my mind - I'm just going to keep at it until I get it done. I have no choice.

I took a study break and went to the gym. My friends think I'm insane that I'd go to the gym to unwind and de-stress instead of vegging on the couch or sleeping ... but I know that would just make me feel worse. Going to the gym helps me relieve some tension, gives me a change of scenery, and keeps me on track with my exercise routine.

I ended up not doing weights today - I was too distracted and tense to try and squeeze it in. Last summer, just before one of my PhD paper deadlines, I continued going to the gym - forcing myself to do weights and ended up getting injured which set me back. Not this time. I'll definitely do workout 8A tomorrow ... but for today, cardio was the only real thing on my schedule, so I warmed-up on the treadmill before heading to RPM class.

The thing I like most about cardio classes is that they go by so quickly. Even though it was a 50 minute class, it didn't feel like it took that long. I love the fact that within that hour I know that I've completed an intense cardio session without having to think too much --

At this point, I really am just on autopilot. I wake up. Study. Workout. Study. Eat. Try to Sleep. Then start the cycle all over again. I can't wait until this is all over so that I can actually LIVE my life instead of hastily rush through while trying to squeeze in as much as I can.

Back on the Bike

It seems like lately every morning starts with a debate, which is very unlike me. I usually have a detailed plan of what I'm going to do each day and I stick to it. However, for the past week I seem to kind of been going with the flow. It's mainly because my PhD writing has to be a priority, so if I wake up and I'm in the mood to write, then I can sit down and do it without feeling like I'm skipping a workout. On the other hand, if I don't feel like writing, then I can finish my workout earlier and then focus once that's done -- just trying to go with the flow.

This morning I woke up really early (4 a.m.) so I got a head start on some of my PhD work. As 7 a.m. was rolling around I start my internal debate - Should I go to RPM at 8 a.m. and just finish my workout for the day or should I skip it - should I stay or should I go ... ... ... Even as I was getting ready for the gym I continued flip-flopping between the two. Why is it so difficult to come up with a definitive answer? I stress myself out with all the internal discussions. I know part of the hesitation was because of my breathing - would I be ready for RPM class? I haven't

done it in ages. Will I push myself too far by going? I knew I needed to do something today, and I've got weights planned for tomorrow ... so ...

Anyway. I ended up going. D was giving the class this morning and

he's my favorite trainer, so that was a bonus. I don't think he was amused that I had a cough drop in my mouth as we went through the tracks, but still, I had to take some precaution against coughing ... and yes, I was conscious enough about having it in my mouth to make sure I didn't swallow it. It all went well until the middle of track 5 -- which is intense intervals. I had to slow it down just a little and lighten my resistance but I kept going. My cough drop had finished by this point and I was tempted to get off my bike to get another because tracks 6 and 7 were really tough. Still, mind over matter - just push through, relax your breathing and just push through. Whew. Relief.

I love RPM class. I think it's a great cardio workout, but you really do need to push yourself. It's

easy to 'cheat' if you want to by reducing your resistance and just peddling, but I tell you, it's harder if you do it that way. Plus, what's the point of coming to the class if you're not ready to give it 100%. The music is fab, and I love that D knows which tracks I dislike so he modifies the workout and avoids those tracks. That's why he's my favorite :) I do miss not going to the class as regularly as I used to, but it's tough to work it into my schedule at the moment. I'm sure I'll get back into it at some point - after I finish my thesis, but for now, I'll try and make it once a week if I can. Workout done for the day!