Lessons Learned

Tonight was the first day of birthday celebrations. Despite eating meals out, I stayed on track in terms of points for the Whole Life Challenge. I chose the restaurants with the intention of staying on plan. Everything was fine until the end of dinner when they brought out cake -- I really didn't want to eat any cake. I had no desire to even taste the cake ... but the looks on everyone's faces guilted me into having a sliver. It was such a small piece that it really wasn't worth sacrificing a point for at all.

I should have been stronger (especially after what I wrote about 'just once piece' in yesterday's post)!

This has nothing to do with the calories or the cake or anything like that. It all goes back to making a choice.

So far, the points that I've lost on this challenge (wedding meal and birthday cake) were done in situations were I actually could have taken more control but possibly at the expense of other people's feelings.

I haven't figured this part out yet, to be honest.

I know what I want, and I know what's good for me ... and I know that sticking to what is good for me should be a priority ...

I've written about this before - about other people's feelings and how they shouldn't get in the way of your goals/priorities. I'm really trying to do this. I've been rather successful, but I felt like I failed at this tonight. I shouldn't have eaten that bit of cake.

I also, however, could not stand the idea of disappointing my friend who had bought the cake or the friends who had come out that night to celebrate. For the wedding, would it have been worth it to hurt my best friend's feelings (as well as his bride's feelings) just so that I could stick to my plan? Part of me thinks it would have been ok. Another part of me is not so sure.

Ugh. Anyway. Tomorrow is a new day. As disappointed as I am in myself for being indecisive and wavering with my focus, I'm not going to let eating 2 inches of cake throw me off track (especially psychologically).

Onwards and upwards! 

Regrouping - still

I was starting to get a bit frustrated at myself because I feel like I'm taking a long time to get over this trip. A bit of refocusing from a friend helped me realize that it wasn't so much that I've been away for 7 days but more that I've actually been away from this type of life for almost 5 years. I was starting to get alarmed that I was feeling so tired and so hungry all the time and then I realized, I think this is the first time in 5 years that I feel relaxed and calm. I know I have things to do, but I know that they don't need to be done now. It seriously is a new experience/feeling for me so I'm trying not to get too worked up about it and instead just enjoy the ride.

As I said above, I have been ravenously hungry since I returned. I haven't eaten junk food, though I have had a few small sweets, but I've been eating. I am constantly hungry. I felt alarmed this morning so I got on the scale, thinking that the number would jolt me back to reality. Instead of seeing a gain, I saw another half pound loss. Seriously? How is that possible? Although it was great, as I was in the middle of my 2 scrambled eggs and toast this morning (a much bigger breakfast than I usually have, but not unhealthy) I stopped and realized what was happening. I'm now 3 kg (7 lbs) down from the plateau weight that I had been holding on to for a year and a half. I haven't been at this weight for so long and now I think my body is sending these crazy hunger signals in a panic, probably interpreting it as starvation. Normally, or perhaps I should say, previously, I would eat and eat until the crazy hunger subsided. I'm doing the same now, but I've noticed something very different -- instead of eating scrambled eggs, a panini, a bag of crisps, a bit of chocolate and some crisps I am now getting full on scrambled eggs,  a salad, some fruit, and veggies and rice (though I've still been having something sweet too). I'm still eating, but what I'm eating has changed. I didn't even realize that I had changed my eating habits, it just happened. I'm sure this is what has made the difference. The amount of times I'm eating is the same, but the portion sizes along with the ingredients and preparation are completely different and I think that's what is making the difference.

I do need to be careful though because I don't want to go back to my plateau. I only have a short time before I travel again; I've got to hit my goal!

I went back to the gym today and was so happy and overwhelmed with the excited response of the trainers at the gym. Big hugs, huge smiles, and lots of congratulations and compliments (including that I looked like I had lost weight and trimmed down quite a bit). My favorite was my boxing coach who greeted me with 'Dr. Boxer' :) Loved it!

I had mainly gone to the gym to meet with KD to catch up and lounge by the pool. I brought my workout clothes just in case I felt like doing some cardio on the cross-trainer or something but in the end we ended up swimming a few laps. It was my first swim of the season. It felt so good in the water. It also felt so good to feel how my arm strength made a difference in my movement under water. I am so, so pleased when I see how my workouts make a difference in my daily life.

I will workout in the gym for sure tomorrow, but in the meantime I'm still trying to figure out my routine for the next few weeks. Another thing to add to my dilemma is that I spoke to the CrossFit trainer today and she has officially started holding her training sessions. I really don't want to wait until I get back from Mexico to start. At the same time, I really want to finish my NROL4W program before starting something new ... I just can't figure out if it's worth starting now or if I should hold off ... too many decisions to make!

Decisions

Even though I've come to Canterbury many times, I still struggle with deciding how to plan my day. For the most part each day is planned around university events - meetings with my supervisor, research seminars, etc. Since the timings vary each day, I don't really get the chance to set up a regular routine.

So each morning I ask myself - workout now or later? What should I eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Sleep erly or veg in front of the TV or study some more? This morning was no different. Even though I had a general plan in mind last night, this morning I questioned myself. I like having a plan. Making schedules and lists are cathartic. Why is it that I still question myself?

I drive myself crazy. It makes me feel that no matter how proactive or energetic I act, inside I'm still a procrastinator and lazy.

I was up by 6:30 this morning. I really wanted to sleep more as I was still tired, but at the same time I knew that ifi didn't get up, my whole day would be thrown off.

So question 1: sleep or get up? I got up.

Question 2: Workout now or later? After reading a few blogs I got my butt out of bed and decided to exercise now (thanks for the motivation fellow-bloggers!). But before going to the gym ...

Question 3: Breakfast now or later? If I have breakfast now it'll end up being something from the room, ie junk food. Forget it. Breakfast later. I went to the hotel's mini gym and did 6.5km on the treadmill plus some good stretches (my back has been a bit achy after all the travel). Then on to my day. I stopped by the supermarket and bought a banana for breakfast, had some green tea at the university, met with my advisor, and then had to decide about lunch.

Question 4: Big lunch or something simple? I've decided to have a proper lunch and a light dinner while I'm here. A small bowl of penne arrabiata with a side salad (dressing on the side) - love the light lunch portions some restaurants do! Dinner was a salmon avocado salad (side salad serving, not a dinner salad). Between lunch and dinner there was a few hours of work accompanied by some peppermint tea (was so tempted by carrot cake but resisted) and a bit of shopping. I was thrilled to buy clothes 1-2 sizes smaller than the last time I was here. I didn't buy a lot, just some summer clothes (though it is cold and gloomy here). So a full day for me.

Now I just have to decide - Question 5: Do some more work or go to sleep? I'll have to let you know tomorrow!

Trying to Warm Up

Although I did get about 5 hours of sleep, I feel like I struggled to get started all day today. I guess it's normal to feel like that at the start of the week. I just didn't feel prepared for the week at all.

It's mornings like these that really bring out my indecisiveness. First I was debating whether or not to go to the gym ... since I didn't take a day off last week I contemplated taking today as a rest day. At least that would have bought me more time in terms of getting ready for the week.

In the end, I went. I knew that if I didn't go my routine for the rest of the week would get messed up.

I did NROL4W - Phase 3 Workout A2 today. I definitely felt improvements from last week's workout. I managed to knock some more time off my 1 km warm-up. I also increased a few of my weights ... I have definitely run out of weights to use in the studio - I'll have to go into the main weight room for the next time I do this routine. The matrix of squats and lunges were also good. I'm getting used to the jumping, and as I said in a previous post, my legs definitely feel stronger!

I finally re-started my physiotherapy for my knee. I need to make sure I do the exercise at least 5 times a week.

I have felt a bit more pain than usual today. Maybe it has something to do with yesterday's RPM class? I'm not sure. I'll just keep monitoring how bad it gets. I'd give it a 5/10 at the moment. I do find it quite distracting and uncomfortable!

In any case, I'm glad I completed my workout. The day did start to improve with a good session with my class and then a yummy salad for lunch, and then work work work.

I do feel like I'm in a bit of a funk and just trying to push through my days ... I know that's probably not the healthiest of attitudes right now, but it truly is all that I can manage at the moment.

Eating right and keeping on moving ...

Forging Ahead

I woke up this morning feeling very sore -- I don't know if it was yesterday's cross-trainer workout or the Zumba workout ... nevertheless, it felt good to have that achy feeling in my legs again.

At times I really confuse myself. I love going to the gym, but still I struggle (quite regularly) with the decision of whether or not I should go to the gym. Take this morning for example. I don't teach on Wednesdays so I have the day free. I do, however, have my never-ending PhD to work on plus something scheduled for 2 p.m. that I have to prepare for ... so my question was, do I go to the gym this morning or not? My plan (that I fixed on Saturday) was to go this morning and do weights and Body Balance class and then tackle the rest of my errands ... so why did I wake up this morning wondering what to do? Why did I feel hesitation about going to the gym and completing the tasks I had set out for myself. They were not difficult. In fact, I was looking forward to them. I guess I just felt pressured for time. Everything would be a bit rushed.

In any case, I told myself to shut up and just stick to my bloody plan. So I did.

Wednesdays are my non-oatmeal breakfast days, so I made myself an egg white scramble with a bit of salsa - yum!

Then I squeezed in an hour of work before heading to the gym.

I finally completed Stage 2 of NROL4W (more on that below) and I went to Body Balance class (my first post-surgery) ... and now I feel great!

I'm a bit torn as to what to do with the NROL4W program. I struggled to get through Stage 2, mainly because I eased myself into it after surgery and also because I was incredibly wrapped up in my writing ... so it didn't get the commitment that it deserved though I am happy with my progress. Part of me is tempted to redo the whole stage before moving on to Stage 3 ... but after seeing my results today - the same as/slightly better than my last workout at the beginning of January - I guess there is not reason to go back ... plus I've heard that Stage 3 is much more interesting and challenging than Stage 2, and I'm definitely ready for that!

Body Balance was fantastic. I was a bit apprehensive, but it was fine. I've definitely lost a bit of flexibility, but I think after a few classes I'll be fine. I definitely want to try to work in at least 2 if not 3 yoga/pilates/balance classes per week. They really help me stretch out my muscles and also tone in general. Hmmmm my workout schedule may need a bit of tweaking.

Feelin' better each day :)

Indecisiveness

It's amazing how quickly I fall back into the trap of struggling to make decisions when it comes to my workout routine. I wish I could just go with the flow, and at the very least, trust myself and stick to the plan ... but no. I had already intended on taking today off from the gym. I know yesterday's workout wasn't a big one or anything, but I knew that I would need to ease into it ... however, I was still faced with the dilemma, should I go to the gym or not? Why is it that I can't just let it go and move forward - stick to the plan; stop questioning myself?! This mental game of ping pong is absolutely exhausting.

The day overall seemed to be a constant challenge. I did not feel like going to work at all, but of course I went. After work I went to the Avenues - I decided to park at the furthest end (at IKEA) and then walk over to the other end (Dean and Deluca) and work my way back down. Before I starting I thought I'd sit down, have a coffee, and read for an hour. It wasn't until after I was getting ready to go that I realized I didn't have my wallet! I was so embarrassed! I realized that my wallet was still in my gym bag from yesterday! Luckily I had some money in my car, so I told the waiter and he assured me it was fine, but to me, it wasn't fine at all!! All of a sudden, my leisurely morning consisted of me booking it from D&D all the way back to IKEA and then back again ... I just wanted to get the whole ordeal over and done with so I RUSHED - I tell you, I put more into that walk than I did on the treadmill yesterday. By the time I got back to my car, I was exhausted - and not comfortable at all. I definitely realized (again) that even though I can move faster, I shouldn't!

So, even though I didn't go to the gym and was planning on resting, I ended up barely resting throughout the whole day. I was hosting my annual Secret Santa dinner, which meant that there was a lot of prep to do ... I think a lot of people out there underestimate how much work goes into taking care of the house and preparing for dinner parties. Anyway, by the end of the night, I was absolutely knackered ... hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to stick to my plan and move forward. There's so much to do over the next month, I don't have time to deal with all this indecisiveness!

Back on the Bike

It seems like lately every morning starts with a debate, which is very unlike me. I usually have a detailed plan of what I'm going to do each day and I stick to it. However, for the past week I seem to kind of been going with the flow. It's mainly because my PhD writing has to be a priority, so if I wake up and I'm in the mood to write, then I can sit down and do it without feeling like I'm skipping a workout. On the other hand, if I don't feel like writing, then I can finish my workout earlier and then focus once that's done -- just trying to go with the flow.

This morning I woke up really early (4 a.m.) so I got a head start on some of my PhD work. As 7 a.m. was rolling around I start my internal debate - Should I go to RPM at 8 a.m. and just finish my workout for the day or should I skip it - should I stay or should I go ... ... ... Even as I was getting ready for the gym I continued flip-flopping between the two. Why is it so difficult to come up with a definitive answer? I stress myself out with all the internal discussions. I know part of the hesitation was because of my breathing - would I be ready for RPM class? I haven't

done it in ages. Will I push myself too far by going? I knew I needed to do something today, and I've got weights planned for tomorrow ... so ...

Anyway. I ended up going. D was giving the class this morning and

he's my favorite trainer, so that was a bonus. I don't think he was amused that I had a cough drop in my mouth as we went through the tracks, but still, I had to take some precaution against coughing ... and yes, I was conscious enough about having it in my mouth to make sure I didn't swallow it. It all went well until the middle of track 5 -- which is intense intervals. I had to slow it down just a little and lighten my resistance but I kept going. My cough drop had finished by this point and I was tempted to get off my bike to get another because tracks 6 and 7 were really tough. Still, mind over matter - just push through, relax your breathing and just push through. Whew. Relief.

I love RPM class. I think it's a great cardio workout, but you really do need to push yourself. It's

easy to 'cheat' if you want to by reducing your resistance and just peddling, but I tell you, it's harder if you do it that way. Plus, what's the point of coming to the class if you're not ready to give it 100%. The music is fab, and I love that D knows which tracks I dislike so he modifies the workout and avoids those tracks. That's why he's my favorite :) I do miss not going to the class as regularly as I used to, but it's tough to work it into my schedule at the moment. I'm sure I'll get back into it at some point - after I finish my thesis, but for now, I'll try and make it once a week if I can. Workout done for the day!