Make a Change

I was reading Deb's blog and she mentioned a challenge hosted by Fitness, Health and Happiness called Make a Change Challenge. The challenge is to choose something you want to change and follow through with it for 21 days. A lot of the people who are doing the challenge are focusing on dietary changes (e.g. no dairy, no soda, no gluten etc.). However, since I'll be doing the Whole Life Challenge from Jan. 11, I decided to focus on something else.

Since October I feel like my fitness regime has not been going my way. I have yet to fully recover from my bout of bronchitis that started in the beginning of October. After that, I injured my wrist.

I was determined to make the best of the situation and do what I could. I thought - ok, since I can't do my usual yoga poses, I'll do ones that don't require me to use my hands; I may  not be able to grapple, but I can still do different drills related to my MMA training.

I haven't done either.

I still stretch and workout regularly (almost 100% cardio), but I haven't been doing the things that I wanted to focus on. I've just been lazy. It's easy to walk, but it's not easy to get myself on the jiujitsu mats and do drills on my own (especially since they're challenging). I need to stop this. I need to do the things that intimidate me and make me a bit uncomfortable. There's no point staying in my comfort zone!

So, for the next 21 days (Jan. 6 - Jan. 21), I'll be focusing on daily yoga stretching and specific MMA drills. I need to make a list of them - I'll do that in the morning - so that I have a checklist that I can follow each day. The good thing is that I should be able to do pretty much all these exercises while I'm away on vacation too.

I know that having a plan will help me feel better and stay focused.

Overwhelmed

There's so much going on here. I'm having a tough time keeping up with it all. Plus I'm having a really tough time making it to the computer to read blogs/write blog posts. I really to do it, but it's the one thing that I've been struggling to incorporate in my schedule.

I usually wake up at 4:30 a.m., but I think the stress and the overwhelming feeling of all that I have to do during the day has been disrupting my sleep. I was up at 3:50 a.m. the other morning -- not cool at all.

One of the biggest changes to my schedule is that my brother is now living with me. He arrived in Kuwait last Friday and will be staying with me for at least 2 months. He's got a job in my department and is teaching English just like me. The thing that sucks is that I have an early morning schedule, whereas he teaches later in the day. Since he doesn't drive, I've needed to incorporate his transportation into my schedule. Until he gets his local paperwork done (which could take several weeks - if we're lucky), he won't be able to drive. Even taking taxis is a bit risky at the moment as there have been many random police check-points on the road, and since he's Bangladeshi and doesn't have all his papers ready yet, it's just not safe. Anyway. As I said, it'll just take some adjusting, but I haven't been able to come up with a good routine plan yet -- especially since things ALWAYS keep popping up!! For example, last week a meeting ran late, then another day I had to substitute somebody else's class, then I had some running around for my brother's paperwork ... etc. etc. I'm doing the best I can, but the disruptions themselves are exhausting ...

Dad arrived for his medical check-up yesterday --- and if you've been following my blog for some time, you know that he stresses me out when it comes to food. He's a diabetic who likes to eat all the WRONG stuff -- chocolate, chips, foods rich in butter, fried etc. etc. All he does is talk about food. It makes me insane!! Starting from the ride home from the airport ... (reciting the serenity prayer).

So it's a full house at the moment. I've given up all 'my' space in the house to my brother and my dad ... I just need to remember to breathe.

Being on the Whole Life Challenge has been good for me because I don't need to worry about my own food. Keeping my diet clean I think has actually helped me continue to feel good. I feel light, and not having any extra 'junk' in my system has given me at least enough energy to get through each day.

I've just got to stay focused on my goals and make sure that I get my workouts in (which I've been doing well at). I need to stay positive and prioritize. I need to breathe.

 

Is It Working? (Part I)

Even though June 1st doesn't quite mark the halfway point of the year, it often feels like it is. It's the perfect time to really sit back and take a look at the past 5 months and evaluate how things are going -- has everything that I've been doing over the past few months been helping me towards achieving the goals I set on New Years?

After rereading my goals, I think I'm doing alright, but I know I could be doing a lot better.

Adopting the attitude of 'just do it' instead of obsessing over plans and making sure that I'm working in 'perfect' conditions has really, really helped. At the same time, lack of proper structure (especially now that I'm on summer vacation) has left me feeling a bit lost and a bit anxious.

I need structure. Without having to go to work, I need to establish my own structure and routine. I may not have lessons to plan or papers to grade, but I still have a lot of work that needs to be done.

My summer travel plans are also leaving me a bit nervous. Last week's impromptu trip to London was great (even though we lost the play-off final, ouch!), but it really messed up my routine in terms of exercise, food, and sleep - the 3 key components to making sure I reach my goals.

After getting back, I just felt tired and drained. I didn't want to do anything. Part of my issue is that I'll be traveling again in 5 days. It feels like that's not enough time to set up a proper routine ... but I know that's just an excuse. I've just got to get the work done. The only way to beat my frustration is to work as hard as I can so that I at least help myself move forward, even if it is a millimeter at a time.

Get Fit, Feel Epic - Final Post

Wow, I can't believe it's the end of the challenge. A big thank you to Rebecca at Weight Wars for hosting this challenge & for introducing me to so many great new bloggers!

So here's how the challenge went.

First of all, even though I did not set a specific number of pounds to lose by the end of this challenge, I am going to share because I'm super pleased with my progress.

Since the start of this challenge, I've lost 7.5 kg (16.5 lbs) and 4.8% body fat. I've also dropped 4 jeans sizes!! I can no longer wear any of the trousers I own. The just shimmy off my hips. I won't be measuring myself until the 1st of November, but the proof is in the clothing!

I'm super-excited about this progress and I know it all has to do with the changes I've made in my eating habits as part of the Whole Life Challenge (you can read about my experience in the challenge here)  -- as well as all the exercise I've been doing.

Unfortunately, that's as far as the good news goes because the rest of my goals weren't really reached :/ I did well in most of them, but I wasn't able to complete them in their entirety.

1) Complete the C25K program - I'm close. I managed to get to week 7, but didn't finish the whole thing.

2) Complete 4 chapters of my Fitness Nutrition Certificate studies - I only managed to get through the first chapter and start the second

3) Work on increasing my core strength every single day - I was quite good at this, especially in the beginning of the challenge. However, as things got busy, my focused time on core work got pushed to the side and I was just doing as part of my regular exercises (e.g. crunches during CrossFit or plank during Body Balance etc.)

4) Do a minimum of two yoga/pilates/Body Balance sessions per week - I was pretty good at this too. I think over the past 8 weeks I only missed 4 classes. I also incorporated a yoga routine for my mornings which I've been pretty good at following. I'll definitely keep it up.

5) Complete my 4 week Gleason's boxing training program - I'm on Week 4 now. Again, I got side tracked but mainly because I started taking actual boxing lessons. So even though I didn't complete the plan, I didn't stop boxing.

I think I made a good attempt at completing my goals. I'm definitely going to keep working at them until I complete them. In the meantime, however, I end this challenge knowing that I've made some huge changes in terms of my lifestyle, particularly the food aspect. I'm eating incredibly well, losing weight, getting stronger, and having a blast while doing it.

What more could you ask for?

Onwards and upwards :) Thanks for all your support blogging community. You guys keep me motivated and moving!

Haphazard Day

Stress continued for sure.

Busy day at work followed by more doctor's appointments and a bunch of errands with dad. He's doing better after his fall, and his general health is ok.

Of course one of the main issues as a diabetic patient and a kidney transplant recipient has to do with food. He's terrible at taking care of his food. He eats whatever he wants whenever he wants. He has no discipline whatsoever.

What makes it worse for me is that he always talks about food and jokes about the food that I prepare saying - Oh this would be so much better with butter or cheese on it. It pisses me off like you can't imagine. I don't care that he's only joking - the food preparations that I grew up with got me to where I was - overweight at 13. Seriously? It's so hard for me to stay sane. I respond to his comments without being rude - just telling him the facts. What I'm doing is not punishment or unhealthy. I'm finally taking a stand and taking control of my life. I can't even begin to explain how frustrating it is, but I wrote about it a bit in my Whole Life Challenge Blog.

Still, to be honest, it upsets me. Today we went to the supermarket and I saw that he picked up a small Toblerone bar plus a pack of caramel sweets. In the car he offered me some caramel sweets, and I said No thank you. His response was - it's just a bit of sugar. I ignored it. When I was giving him dinner options for tonight - chicken with vegetables, stir-fry fish, etc. - he said he wanted pizza. We had pizza in our house tonight, but I didn't partake in any. I was happy with my leftovers from yesterday.

I don't understand how he has criticized me so much for being overweight and not trying hard enough to lose weight and now that I'm finally doing what I HAVE TO DO to reach my goals he's not being supportive. I don't get it.

It's really irritating me. I love my dad, but I can't stand his eating habits at all. I think he has a total disregard for his health - and I have said this to him directly - but somehow it doesn't phase him.

I don't expect him to eat the way I'm eating, but at the very least he should be happy and proud that I've been so disciplined instead of finding negative things to say. It's bad enough I have to deal with this from others, but from family - it pisses me off even more.

I was actually feeling a bit tired and worn out from my previous workouts and almost didn't make it to the gym, until I read Norma's post about today being her 'rest' day and Jenn's video on CrossFit -- that was enough for me to get my ass to the gym.

My workout was a bit haphazard. I really wanted to do Day 2 of Week 6 of C25K, but the way I was saying 'ouch, ouch, ouch' as I walked down each step, I didn't think today was the best day to go forward with my first 20 minute run. When I do it, I want to do it confidently. I was not feeling confident today. So, I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes - mostly walking but a few jogs here and there; then I worked with a trainer for 30 minutes just focusing on my posture, form, technique, and grip with weights; then I channeled my inner Norma and on behalf of her rest day did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer [I haven't been on the cross-trainer in months; it felt great!]; and then just as I was getting ready to leave I saw that Zumba class had started, so on behalf of Jenn (since she mentioned going to Zumba tonight) I went in for 20 minutes of the Zumba class. I didn't feel like staying for the whole class, but I knew a bit of ass-shaking would make me feel a little less stressed.

So, 1.5 hours of different exercises. Not my ideal type of workout, but I got a good sweat on and felt better about having worked out.

I'm so glad it's finally the weekend! Trying to stay positive and focused.

This Week's Trend

Ok, so the trend for my posts this week is definitely stress.

Everything seems to be happening at once - being busy at work and having my dad here + dealing with his health stuff. I don't feel like I've even recovered (or completely unpacked) from Berlin!

Still, it's going ok. I'm trying to be more efficient in how I'm planning my day - preparing meals in advance (chopping extra veggies while waiting for things to cook plus having the menu for the week planned is a huge help).

I need to get more sleep. Either I'm up (early in the morning or late at night) finishing my work or I wake up in the middle of the night feeling stressed about unfinished work. This is by far the unhealthiest thing that's happening in my life at the moment. I really need to get a grip. I have, however, managed to take a bit of a nap each afternoon. I think that's the only way I've been surviving my day at the moment.

Exercise is going great. It's my one escape from everything else that's happening in my life. Instead of stressing over how much time it takes to get to the gym, change, workout, shower, change, and get home, I just take it in stride and be selfish about that "me" time.

Body Balance was terrific today. I love seeing how the strength I'm gaining from CrossFit is helping me move deeper into poses and just get more from the workout in general. During the last 10 minutes of meditation I pretty much fell asleep on my mat, lol. I didn't even realize when the class had finished!

I'm glad I managed some rest today because I sure did need my energy for today's CrossFit WOD.

We worked on overhead squats and clean & jerks. I know I can lift heavy; I just need to work on my technique now. I need to brace my core more and concentrate on adding more energy to my lifts. It's going to take practice. I just have to figure out WHEN I can practice without it impeding on my workouts.

Our WOD was alternating thrusters (ugh) and burpees with a 10 kg plate.
Round 1: 30 each (I lifted 25 kg)
Round 2: 20 each (I did the first 10 @ 25 kg and then dropped to 20 kg, which I used for the remaining rounds)
Round 3: 15 each
Round 4: 10 each
Round 5: 5 each

50 deep squats
50 crunches

My upper arms and shoulders are so sore! It's a satisfying sore though.

I still feel like I can do better and push harder. I wonder what it is that's holding me back. It's got to be in my head. I feel like knowing that I'm sleep deprived and stressed is making me 'think' that I don't have the energy to do this. Yet I also know that I do. I really try to psych myself up before class - I have to figure out a way to dig deeper.

I just have to stay confident and not let frustration derail me.

Did great with food today - made a coconut shrimp curry with bell peppers, eggplant, and sugar-snap peas that was so good! I can't wait to have it for lunch tomorrow. At least that's one less meal I'll have to cook (though still have to make something for Dad and D).

The adventure continues. Gotta keep making right choices and moving forward.

Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep.

Busy, Busy Times & GFFE Week 6 Summary

This past week was insanely busy. Talk about things being off-schedule!

I was in Berlin until Monday, and then I got straight back to work. There were several birthday celebrations in the evenings. Plus there was the weekend of Zumba training ... to top it all off, Dad has come from Bangladesh to stay with me for 10 days. He'll be without a car so I'll be ferrying him around plus having to think of his meals etc. (most of them will be like mine anyway) and just take care of him in general.

I'm so glad that I've been learning to let go of control bit by bit otherwise these changes in my normal routine would have really thrown me off!

I didn't write too much about exercise this past week because there have been other things to post about, but in general it's been going well.

I've exercised everyday - whether it was cardio, CrossFit, Zumba, or yoga.

I'm down another 2 lbs this week (making it a total of just over 13 lbs lost in the past 4 weeks). I'm fine with this steady weight loss. I just need to keep it up.

I went in to the gym this evening. I haven't been there for quite a while at that time of night and I was so happy with all the reactions. Before when I'd disappear from the evening gym sessions (coz' I'd be going early in the morning) people would sometimes comment and say - Where have you been? Did you get lazy? - which meant that though I was exercising, the effect wasn't noticeable.

This time, however, it was. Aside from the lbs dropped, I know my body shape has changed because of CrossFit. It's great. Plus the change in diet - dropping sugar, preservatives, grains, starches, etc. - has given me an extra bounce in my step. The reactions were incredibly positive - all saying how the difference was noticeable and that I must have been working hard etc. etc.

I won't deny that it's always nice to hear compliments. Regardless of physical evidence - numbers on the scale, inches lost, or even smaller dress sizes - hearing someone else give a compliment feels good. This time, I was able to proudly say Yes. I have been working hard -- because I have.

No doubt there's a long way to go, but I'll get there.

This week's Get Fit, Feel Epic Challenge Update:

1) C25K - I started Week 6 but only managed Day 1. The next run is going to be a big one - 20 minutes straight. I'm trying not to psych myself out of it. I'll definitely be putting together a kick-ass playlist for that run! Wish me luck!!

2) Nutrition Studies - I read a bit more of chapter 1, but I haven't made enough progress to make me feel confident that I'll finish the 4 sections that I wanted to complete by the end of this challenge.

3) Core work - Again, not good this week, which is a shame. I've been getting some core work in daily through my other exercises, but not focused core work like I was doing at the beginning of this challenge. That changes in the morning!

4) Balance - I've been really good at maintaining my yoga practice in the morning or at the very least doing some deep stretching each day (it's also part of the WLC). I didn't have the time to attend any balance classes this week as I was stuck at the university - either teaching or in a meeting. Hopefully I'll be able to make the class tomorrow.

5) Gleason's - I didn't do any boxing this week. I just got too caught up in the other workouts. Plus doing Zumba this entire weekend kept me from boxing lessons. Hopefully this week will be back to normal.

This week our challenge was to do push-ups each day. I took it easy because my coach told me not to overdo it and save my strength for class. I wanted to work up to 30 push-ups by the end of the week.

Monday: 10
Tuesday: 12
Wednesday: 15
Thursday: 20
Friday: 22
Saturday: 25
Sunday: 30

They were a combination of knee push-ups and full push-ups as well as a few hand-release push ups (CrossFit style). I can definitely see my increased strength helping out with my push-ups ... though they're still difficult and I don't feel very confident doing them.

So, this coming week is going to be crazy again, especially with dad here, but I'm determined to make the best of it :)

Perspectives

We're nearing the half way point of the Whole Life Challenge and I thought I'd share a few reactions I've had to what I've been doing.

"I couldn't do what you're doing."

About a month ago, I didn't think I would have made it this long without dairy, sugar, grains, or starches (and of course preservatives/artificial additives). I was worried that I wouldn't be able to show enough discipline.

I'm glad I've proved myself wrong.

My response - You can do it if you want to and if you put your mind to it. All it takes is a bit of discipline, organization, and dedication. That's it.

"You're crazy." 

This is one of the comments that annoys me most. Why am I crazy? What is crazy about making a decision and sticking to it? I've found it a bit hard not to get annoyed or snap at those who have reacted this way. Would you tell someone who has given up smoking or doing drugs or some other addictive, not-good-for-them behavior (such as eating unhealthily!) that they were crazy for making a lifestyle change? Why are bad eating habits viewed so differently?

My response - I'm not crazy. I'm just taking one more step and cleaning up my eating and working towards my goal of wanting to be healthy, which is a goal that I think is worth 'sacrificing' a bag of chips or a chunk of chocolate for.


"One bite won't kill you."

It's never about just one bite. When I politely declined to taste a piece of cake, the response was one that looked at me as if I was paranoid that 1 bite would make me put on weight. It wasn't that at all; it's not even that having cake would have cost me a point in the challenge; it's not even that I feared one bite would lead to several more bites. I just didn't want any. Full-stop!

My response - No, it won't kill me, but I don't want any. I have no desire to taste something just for the sake of tasting it.


"It sounds like punishment to me."

In the beginning, I was very apprehensive. I didn't view it as punishment, but I did think that I was making a big switch over night. I think it boils down to what is important to you. Changes won't happen without some hard work. I was going to also write 'and with some sacrifices,' but it really hasn't been a sacrifice. It's just been a change. Plus the rewards for sticking to the program are unbeatable. It may be difficult in the beginning, but it's worth it in the end!

My response - It's not punishment. It's a conscious change that I've made to better my life. Anything that will help me improve my health can't be/isn't seen as punishment.


"You must have a lot of time on your hands."

I do have some time on my hands, but more importantly, I make the time. It's worth it to wake up a bit earlier and make sure that I have a healthy and filling breakfast. It's worth buying fresh vegetables each week to make sure that my meals taste good (that also helps it not feel like a punishment).

My response - You've got to make time for what's important to you. Usually preparing healthy foods takes a lot less time than you realize. It's about having healthy ingredients on hand and pushing past the urge to open a bag of chips (which shouldn't be in the house anyway!!) and grab some fresh ingredients and start chopping. Preparing a salad at home will take less time than driving to a drive-thru, ordering, and collecting your meal. Plus, think of all the time saved at the gym for not having to work off thousands of empty, unhealthy calories!


I didn't wean myself into these changes. I just did them, and I've survived so far. If you want to do it, you can. I'm doing this challenge on my own, for myself. I have several people around me who support my decisions and are rooting for me. I have some others who are shaking their heads thinking that I'm doing this as part of a fad diet or as a way to really cut calories. It's unfortunate that they don't see the real reason behind what I'm doing ... I'm sure they'll be able to see the reasons once they decide to actually take care of their weight and view these questions from a different perspective.

There is no quick-fix; there is no magic pill. You've got to make the changes and believe that they will work and that it's worth the effort. I think shifting the perspective from looking at these changes as a 'sacrifice' to that of an 'investment' in health is a good first step. The bottom line is - you've got to be dedicated and disciplined.

Back from Berlin & GFFE Week 5 Summary

I had a terrific time in Berlin. My best friend's wedding was terrific. My speech went really well!! I met up with tons of friends that I hadn't seen for years, and I danced my ass off that night! The weather there was a bit to cold for my liking, but it did feel good to inhale some cool, brisk air versus the dusty air in Kuwait!

I wish I could write that I came back without losing any World Life Challenge points. Out of the 4 days there, I stayed on track the whole time except for the wedding day dinner. It wasn't even that I wanted to eat what was being served or was craving anything particular -- I just didn't want to be rude or fussy. Plus pulling out some tupperware with my own food in the middle of an elegant wedding may not be the most appropriate thing to do - I'm sure the bride would not have approved!

So, aside from one imperfect meal/evening, I was really good for the rest of the days. I mainly ate at the hotel; the waitresses were fantastic at answering my questions about how the food was prepared and for making substitutions when I asked for them. I have a few more details in my Whole Life Challenge blog if you're interested.

Being away from home was quite an experience in terms of keeping up with the challenge. It took being aware & vigilant of what you're doing and what you're eating to a whole other level. There are definitely quite a few things that I learned while being away but I'll save them for another post.

In the meantime, here's a quick Week 5 Summary for the Get Fit, Feel Epic Challenge:

Week 5 (Oct. 1 - 7)

1) C25K - I finished Week 5 this week. It went well. Before I did the last day, I decided to just run without really concentrating on the time or distance. On that day I ended up doing 2 sets of running - one for 12-min and another for 13-min (with 2 min walking in between). I was so proud of myself! That's the longest I've run at one stretch! I was really happy. I start Week 6 this coming week. There are some big runs scheduled but I'm telling myself - Don't think. Just do it!

2) Nutrition Studies: I only studied one day this past week. It's going very slowly. I have to come up with a better plan so that I can get this done!

3) Core work: My core work sucked while I was away. I'm getting back on track with that from tomorrow.

4) Balance: I've been doing at least 15 minutes of yoga each day. I made it to two Body Balance classes last week as well as my morning yoga. I didn't do yoga in the mornings in Berlin, but I did make up for it during the day.

5) Gleason's: I've had 1 boxing session with a trainer this week & I finished Week 2 of Gleason's ... so on to Week 3!

Week 5 Challenge: 
Make a fitness routine based on your favorite TV show.

Well, I'm currently watching House ... so I decided that for every time House and his team get a diagnosis wrong (at least 4-5 per episode) I'll do 10 sit-ups. I watched at least 1 episode a night, sometimes 2 -- so i was doing 50-100 sit-ups per night. :)

So now we're on to Week 6. I've got tons coming up this week and it's my birthday on Friday, so I'm wondering how all my fitness/diet plans are going to pan out - we'll see :)

I'll leave you with a few photos from Berlin:

Me at the Brandenburg Gate:

At this point I had already walked 12 km that day ... the hotel was about another 2 km away and I just didn't want to move anymore. I was tired and cranky but for some reason it just made me giggle uncontrollably. Even though the stoop was a bit wet, I had to sit down and take a break - I may be smiling, but I was not amused at how a little stroll ended up taking so bloody long (plus I was freezing!!)! 

D & I near Checkpoint Charlie:

This is not the dress, but it's a new one I bought (in 1 size smaller than I was wearing in June) for the pre-wedding drinks reception:

Me and my best friend (the groom):

Now I'm back home & back to my routine (landed at 6:30 a.m. and was in front of my class lecturing by 8 a.m. - I'm exhausted!) There's lots of work to get done!

Tweaking

I can't believe it's October already. Things have been getting more and more hectic recently as things at work are picking up, the social scene is starting to come back to life, and of course having to deal with the endless, ever-expanding to-do list.

I'm just finished Day 17 of the Whole Life Challenge. So far I've got a perfect score, but that's going to change this coming weekend as I'll be in Germany for my best friend's wedding. I'm not intentionally going to stray from the nutrition guidelines as set by the challenge, but I'm foreseeing a few meals where I may not have much of a say about the ingredients that are used. Still, I'm not taking this as a 'What the hell, I might as well indulge' kind of trip. I hope to stay on track as much as possible, and if I happen to lose 3 points each day because of things that are out of my control, then that's just the consequence I'll have to suffer. We'll see.

I'm definitely pleased with how I'm feeling so far - much lighter on my feet, more energetic (despite not getting enough sleep), and just generally healthy. Each day I'm more convinced that I'll try to keep this up even after the 8-weeks are over. However, I don't want to speak too soon.

After returning from Germany there are a few things I want to tweak with my routine in general and with my eating.

I think I'm still getting too much sugar - though this time from fruits. Still, I want to cut my fruit portions down (how ironic that over the spring and summer I was struggling to eat even one piece of fruit each day!) to 1, maximum 2 servings a day. Plus I want to stick with foods/fruits that have lower glycemic index values as a whole. I also want to cut down how much olive oil I'm using to cook. I'm generally using 1 tablespoon of olive oil to cook a 3-portion meal, but once in a while I use more. I just want to be a bit more careful about how much I'm using. There may be a few other things that I will change, but these are the main things right now.

These modifications are not for the calorie count; they're actually more about necessity - do I need more olive oil? Do I need more fruit? Again, just because something is 'allowed' by the challenge doesn't mean that I should just abandon all caution and gorge in it (slight exaggeration here).

As for my routine - I know I don't use my time efficiently. I do have a lot of stuff going on, but I need to be better with my time management. I've definitely made my exercise a priority, and I don't want to change that at all. At the moment I'm averaging 14 hours of exercise per week (I'd actually love to be able to squeeze in another hour or two per week). However, I'm slacking with other things. Hopefully I'll come up with a good plan that I can implement and that will help me achieve my non-fitness/health goals.

We'll see how it goes!

Happy October :) 

Convenience of Carbs

Thanks for the comments on yesterday's post. I know that it doesn't seem like a big deal - it's not like I'm debating whether to have KFC or McDonalds, but more like salad with corn or without! - but there was just something about being in that situation that made me feel uncomfortable. I actually lay in bed thinking about it for at least an hour last night! Still, I think I've made my decision - we'll just have to see what it is on Friday!

I had a good day today in terms of exercise. I did my usual yoga and abs routine at 4:30 this morning. Today, as part of this week's mindfulness challenge with the WLC and just because I've been really wanting to, I focused a lot more on balance. I did quite a few poses on my tiptoes - from just standing and raising my arms above my head, to coming down into squat position, then on just one leg, etc. etc. Each time I started to shake I tried to mentally focus and talk to myself. What is going on? Why are you shaking? How can you move your body so that you can balance more (e.g. a lot of times I turn my feet outwards, but turning them inwards could help me gain more balance)? So on and so forth. I know a lot of it has to do with core strength but the other part is definitely to do with concentration. I need to find it in me to be still (in my mind and in my body). It was a good exercise; I continued this focus in my postures during Body Balance class today. My flexibility has definitely improved. I'm finally able to do the prasarita pose with my forearms and elbows plus forehead fully on the floor. Man what a stretch! It felt amazing!

Here's a picture of what it looks like (though I also had my forehead down on the floor):

source

I then had CrossFit in the evening.

Our warm-up was: 1 minute each of
- tire flips
- hanging leg raises
- burpees
- kettlebell swings
- hand-release push-ups

Just that alone had me dripping with sweat!

Then, I did snatches for the first time! I definitely need practice, but I think I did alright for my first go. I did many, many practice reps and ended up snatching a final weight of 30kg (66lbs) though I was much more comfortable at 25kg (55lbs).

Our WOD was another killer:
21 thrusters (25kg)
21 pull ups
21 deadlifts (50kg)
21 burpees

That's all that was written on the board. As we looked at the workout we were all kinda feeling intimidated. Each exercise at 21 reps - that's a lot!

That's when our Coach added two more rounds -- same exercises at 15 reps each then 9 reps each.

All of our jaws dropped. It felt impossible. It was taking a bit of time to set up all the stations and as each minute passed, the anxiety towards the workout kept building. We were all nervously looking at each other - first of all wondering how we were going to survive the first round, let alone the other two.

After a while the Coach said that me and another girl could stop after doing two rounds. It was at that moment when I thought, 'Hell no. Why shouldn't I finish the last round? If others can do it, so can I - even if it kills me.'

I'm so glad I completed the whole WOD. My hands are totally calloused; some skin has even ripped off, but I feel good. It was tough, but I tried and completed the workout. The only way I'm going to improve is if I keep on working at it. Just gotta make sure that my hesitant thoughts don't get in the way of my potential achievement.

I've also started finally started my Fitness Nutrition coursework - very interesting. So far it's all kinda the obvious stuff (eat less, move more) but they're getting into the scientific reasoning behind why it's important and how it will affect your body. I'll share what I'm learning as I go along :)

I've definitely hit my stride with my eating. I'm beginning to see that a lot of foods, namely carbs (bread, rice, pasta), were eaten because they were there and because they'd add a little something to my meal ... and most of all, because they were convenient.

For example, I was in a rush yesterday morning and I couldn't decide what to eat for breakfast. I didn't really want a big breakfast, but I didn't want to skip it either. Before, having a bowl of cereal or grabbing a slice of toast would have solved the problem. No stress. No worries. Just quickly fix and eat.  Similar issues come up with other meals too. For lunch I had smoked salmon with a few cucumber slices, and a bit of whole grain mustard. It wasn't the most fantastically delicious meal, but it was fine. I got my pure protein in as well as a few veggies. I know in the past I would have eaten that along with a slice or two of whole wheat bread. Having the bread wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world - but it was unnecessary. It is unnecessary ...

I think that's what I'm learning most through this challenge. I can do without so many of these things that before seemed like they were an essential component to my food.

Last night's dinner was grilled shrimp with bell peppers and sugar snap peas. It would have been the perfect filling for a shrimp fajita. All I needed was the tortilla wrap, maybe a bit of sour cream, and then some salsa ... but I didn't need it. The shrimp/veggie combo was enough.

Before understanding that it was enough, however, I hesitated and questioned if it would really be enough? It's this mental obstacle that has to be overcome. Not having a bit of bread or something else along with the meal wouldn't mean that I'd be starving! It wouldn't even mean that my meal was incomplete. I just didn't need it, and the food tasted absolutely fine.

This whole exercise of being aware of what you're eating, why you're eating, how you're eating, etc. has been so good so far!

Day 12 and I'm feelin' fine :)

Adelante

I wanted to post more yesterday but I came down with a terrible migraine and just could not stand to be in front of the computer to write up a post.

Luckily I woke up this morning without a headache -- very pleased about that.

Yesterday turned out to be an easy day for me. I did my 15 minutes of yoga + 15 minutes of core strengthening work in the morning. Later on in the day I went to Body Balance. I'm still feeling a bit stiff - I can't wait until I regain my flexibility.

Today I headed into the gym to do some cardio. I was really feeling hesitant about doing C25K. After my performance on Tuesday and my failure to run 6-min straight, I was feeling really apprehensive. I dilly-daillied next to the treadmill for a bit -- putting off getting on the treadmill and hoping for some sort of motivation from somewhere. Even when I got on the treadmill and started, I didn't want to do it. I just wanted to stop. At two minutes of my walking warm-up I thought, this is ridiculous. I don't want to do this ...

... but that's not the truth. I do want to do this. I want to be able to run. Bloody hell. What's wrong with me? How come I want this so bad yet I'm not willing to put in my 100% effort? That doesn't make sense. I know that the only way to improve is to keep practicing. Even if it's difficult now, if I keep practicing, it won't be difficult later. I kept repeating all those positive mantras to myself, but really just sounded like 'blah blah blah' in my head. So strange.

On the one hand I totally de-motivating myself and on the other I was scolding myself for being such a slacker.

Luckily the latter voice won the battle, and by the time my 5-minute warm-up had finished, Voodoo People by The Prodigy came on and I was good to go for my 4-minute run. This time I decided to run at 7.0 km/hr instead of 7. After all, I'm trying to work on endurance vs. speed.

Four minutes done without any trouble. Now I had 2 minutes to gear up for the 6-min run. Shit. Will I be able to do it? All I kept thinking was:

I knew it was true.

I just had to keep going -- so I kept repeating that line to myself, and Adelante by Sash! came one and i was good to go.

I couldn't help but smile a little as I heard 'Walk' -- I had done it. Stupid mental block! Now just one more 4-min running segment done and I would be finished with Week 4, Day 2 ... so I got it done.

I was so happy once I finished it. I have to remember why I started this and what it means to me to be able to succeed at this. Almost one year ago, after my surgery, the recovery was so painful that I could barely walk ... with all the bad news I received after the surgery, I just became so depressed. This past year has been all about finding mental strength. It's been so much more challenging than working on physical strength (though no doubt that's been damn tough too).

So, 6-min may not seem like a lot, but for me, each little step feels like a big accomplishment. I just have to keep the positives in mind when I approach the treadmill again.


After C25K, I went to the assisted pull-up machine. I know it's not the same as doing pull-ups, but I really wanted to practice my form and just get used to the movement.

I also took some time to practice my cleans. I had one of the trainers work with me to help me position my arms. I find the posture for cleans to be very awkward. I can't get my elbows high, and I feel like I'm leaning too far back and not resting the bar on my collarbone properly ... We did several sets (just with a 20 kg bar) and I felt much better with the movement once I was done. With some more practice, I'm hoping I'll get better.

Restless

Restless is actually an understatement.

I've been so cranky about not working out. It's my last few days of holiday before the academic year will begin. I envisioned myself working out, going for swims, and doing nothing but healthy, active stuff before the craziness of lesson planning, teaching, advising, and marking began ... blah. This sucks.

So nothing too exciting going on over here. I'm just taking the time to get organized - working on my menus, especially as the Whole Life Challenge approaches, my schedule for both work and my workouts, and of course straightening up my house.

Lots of de-cluttering going on here and it feels great. Part of it has also been to de-clutter my bookmarked blogs. I've got 4 tabs with different blog lists. My first list of blogs hadn't been checked for a while so I decided to go back to that list and see what was up. Out of the 50 blogs listed, within this past year 4 had been deleted, 22 had gained weight (8 of who had gained over 50 lbs), and 10 had not blogged in the past 3 months, 8 were at about the same weight doing nothing new, and 6 had been steadily losing weight.

Focusing on the ones who had gained weight would be useless and uninspiring. Words like too difficult, impossible, too busy, not enough money kept popping up. I decided to delete those. Actually, I deleted all the blogs off my reading list except for the 6 that had lost weight. What I noticed in their blogs were words like:

• determined
• keep trying
• exercising
• progressing
• positive
• sticking with the plan

Totally different in attitude and tone. Those are the ones who are really motivating and make me feel like - Yes, this may be going slowly for me, but it's still moving in the right direction.

At the same time I thought - Ok, I need to really get moving on this weight loss thing. Losing 18 lbs. over the past six months is not that much especially for how much I've been working out. I know I put in the hours at the gym, but I what I need to focus on is what I'm putting in my mouth!

The Whole Life Challenge begins on the 15th of September. That doesn't mean that it's binge galore until then. In fact, I've been trying to slowly cut things out of my diet just so it doesn't come as a shock to give everything up all at once. I need to be more vigilant about my food NOW. Why wait until the 15th to start to feel better about what's going in my body?

I'm definitely a planner and I like to have things organized before I get started - while it's incredibly helpful having menus and grocery lists mapped out, what's really important is to JUST DO IT! That's where I'm at right now -- trying to stay focused and hope that my inactivity does not lead to an additional pounds.

Some reminders:

Precious Moments

I had a plan for today - a workout to complete, a few errands to run, a bit of work to do, and a paper to finish up writing for publication ... busy day ahead for me.

I got none of it done.

I decided to linger at home a bit in the morning and have breakfast with my parents instead of heading straight the the gym. I know I should have gone first thing, but we had a late night the night before watching the Euro 2012 final match {Italy lost, *sob* :(} and I was just generally tired from Saturday's intense CrossFit session followed by yesterday's boxing ... so I figured, rest now, maybe gym later {big mistake, it rarely happens}.

After having breakfast with them I was outlining my plan with my mom and she said 'Don't go, stay and watch a movie with me.'

How could I resist?

It was at that moment that I realized - as chaotic and stressful this may be, this was actually an opportunity to spend some quality time with my parents. Something that I didn't really get to do much over the past few years because of my PhD stress. Now I have them to myself, in my home - I can take care of them before they leave Kuwait forever -- I have been blessed to have these precious moments with my parents, something that would not have happened otherwise. Instead, they would have left Kuwait in that rush/stress of moving/packing and they would have landed in Bangladesh and fallen straight into a hectic routine.

Yes. This stressful situation is going to be turned into a blessing indeed.

I put my errands aside, thought I'll make up the workout at some other point, and emailed the journal editors and apologized for not submitting my paper ... and that was that.

Mom and I curled up on the sofa and watched The Blind Side - one of my favorite movies. I tell you, from the moment the movie starts my heart just wells and I want to adopt/take in every needy/neglected child in the world - I'm such a sap lol.

We ran an errand together in the afternoon and just chillaxed the rest of the day.

The meals have been going well so far - lots of salads and low fat wraps - turkey, chicken, tuna. It's been lot of time prepping for 4 people (and washing up after 4 people) but it's going much better than expected. Taking control of the kitchen has been a good strategy so far (though I wonder how long my dad can resist his urge to cook!).

The Dress and The Shoes

A few posts ago I mentioned that one of my best friends is getting married in October. What I didn't mention is that I already have a dress for it. I actually bought the dress a few months ago in London. I loved it as soon as I saw it - I looked at the dress, found my size, and tried it on. Hmmmm it didn't quite fit, but I did a big fashion no-no and bought it anyway with the hope that one day I'll fit into it right.

The dress is made of silk, and if you know silk, you know that there is absolutely no give to the material and it shows everything. So even though technically the dress is in my size (I actually have a few dresses a size smaller than this one), it doesn't fit me the way I'd like it to - y'know, the way that doesn't require you to stay standing with your gut completely sucked in for the entire night. 

This dress is my goal dress for the October wedding. I tried it on this morning to serve as a reminder of how much further I have to go. It's a good thing I did. It's the motivation that I needed to really get my focus back. 

Due to some paperwork error, my parents did not leave Kuwait today. However, all their stuff has already been shipped off and they have to give up their apartment {such drama, I can't even explain the stress we're all under right now} - anyway, this means that my parents will be staying with us for the next 5-7 days. It all depends on when they get their final paperwork and nobody really knows when that's going to happen! So, this throws another spanner in the works. I was hoping to be back into my regular routine by Saturday, but now I'll have to make some more adjustments. I now need to plan a menu and cook for 4 people instead of just me and D. I'm really stressing out about it. My parents will also be car-less, so that means that either I'll be running them around or they'll be stuck at home. I want them to feel comfortable and I want to give them attention too, but I also need to get to the gym. I have several, several workout hours to catch up on. I'm trying to stay positive and not let the derailment stress me out too much ... as a person who craves/needs routine, this is not exactly easy, but I'm going to make it work. 

I've spent the past hour planning our menu for the week. I've decided to stick to foods that I would normally cook. I am, however, worried about portion sizes. D & I have been very good and we've gotten used to smaller portions. I don't want my parents to think I'm starving them. At the same time, I don't want to cook too much and have extra food around the house.

I also don't want them to cook. My dad (a diabetic who doesn't take care of his diet at all - aarrrgghh!) loves to cook - but he also likes to use lots of oil, salt, cheese, etc. I'm terrified that he'll want to cook to take the pressure off of me.

I'm trying to handle this in 2 ways - 1st, I've written the menu for the week on the whiteboard in my kitchen. This way they can see that I've planned out the week's food. I've also printed out my own personal menu so that they realize that I don't want a sandwich with some chips for lunch but that I'd rather take the time to make a salad. My 2nd strategy is to limit the types of food in the house. We'll be well stocked with veggies and protein but I'll avoid most things unhealthy and fatty so the temptation won't be there. At the same time, I do want to have a few treats for my parents so that they can relax and enjoy themselves. I'm thinking of maybe having a fruit platter in the fridge for them to graze on during the day. We'll see.

Having to deal with the move has been great motivation to de-clutter the apartment and this week I started with my shoes. I'm a shoe addict (as I've mentioned before) and I really, really love my shoes. It breaks my heart to think of getting rid of any of them ... and that's why I've started with them first. If I can get rid of some of my shoes, then getting rid of other stuff should be much easier. 

Yesterday I selected 30 pairs of shoes to give away ... 

Today I added another 10!
I will probably take another look at my shoe closets and see if there are anymore that I'm willing to part with. Until then, I'm quite pleased with this start.

It's About Discipline

I was talking to a friend about nutrition yesterday. This woman had done an amazing job losing over 120 lbs. and maintaining that loss for over a year -- truly inspirational. She leads an active, healthy lifestyle.

After all this time, she still makes a conscientious effort in watching what she eats. She enjoys a bit of everything - meat, dairy, sweets, etc. - but she is sensible about what she eats and she is aware that there are always consequences. Being at goal weight doesn't mean she can eat whatever she wants in any quantity. She still has to be careful. In general, she's cut out all sugary, refined, fatty foods from her diet. Does she still indulge in a burger or a cupcake? Yes. Perhaps two or three times a year. While she doesn't have cravings for junk food - which is something that I also realized for myself yesterday - she did say that she is still very aware of making sure she follows a balanced diet. It doesn't come easily to her. While she doesn't measure everything, she still measures some things (e.g. olive oil when she cooks, dressing for her salads). She still has trouble working fruit into her daily diet (something I can totally relate to). Anyway. All in all it just reminded me of the effort it takes to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I know several people who do not need to watch what they eat - they can eat whatever they want in whatever quantity and they'll always stay slim ...

If you want it, you've got to work for it. If you want to keep it, you've got to commit to continuing to work hard. It really does boil down to discipline.

We've heard it all before. I'm really not saying anything new.

The concept is so simple, yet why is it so difficult to implement? Is it because we want to see results immediately? Is it because we don't want it to be so difficult?

In the end, there's no other way than to do the work. I think in the beginning it's about doing something, anything. Do ten jumping jacks a day. Walk for 20 minutes every other day. Cut down on salt intake. As I said, something, anything.

I think starting small is good. It feels manageable. The little changes do make a difference. The next step is about being consistent ... and then following that up with more changes. Workout a bit more. Increase your intensity. Increase your duration. Make more changes to your diet.

Again, it doesn't have to be everything, but it should be something. It's not going to happen by wishing - you've got to work for it.

It truly does take patience. I've already got those pink boxing gloves ... now I just have to keep working really (really, really) hard until I get that body!

Post to Myself

Dear Me,

 I know that a few weeks ago you wouldn't have been able to write this letter. Yes, just a few weeks ago... but now look where you are.

You have come such a long way ... Such a very long way, especially since 1990 when you started to face many challenges.

You have been physically abused, emotionally abused, taken advantage of, told you were worthless, no good, and would never amount to anything. You have been afraid of so many things - getting close to other people, trusting other, letting yourself be loved, taking chances, believing in yourself.

No more. No more.

You are stronger than ever before.
You are faster than ever before.
You are smarter than ever before.
You are surrounded by more supportive people than ever before.

The journey is not over, but that is actually the good news. Now you can go forward with newfound confidence and belief in yourself. There is still much work to be done, but you can do it - you have done it! Keep moving forward but now slow down a little. You know now that you are strong. You know now that a bit of pain and struggle does not mean things are impossible.

Enjoy the process. Take in the view. Breathe. Be fearless.

Me.

Mentally Preparing

After Saturday's RPM class I decided I wouldn't go to the gym anymore before traveling. First of all, RPM still causes me a bit of lower abdominal pain (because of the fibroids). There were some parts of the last three tracks that I struggled with. Aside from the pain, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. I'm distracted and I'm stressed. On top of that, I'm not getting any sleep (only 2 hours last night) and my migraines are back.

So for me, the logical step was just to slow down for a bit and concentrate on relaxing. I also know that the more flustered/stressed/exhausted I get, the more likely it is that I'll lose my concentration at the gym and wind up hurting myself. That's definitely not something that I want to happen at the moment. So yesterday and today were all about getting ready for tomorrow's trip.

I'm teetering between excitement and completely anxiety/paranoia. This is 4 1/2 years of research and writing that's going to be judged. I have no idea what they're going to ask. I'm nervous that I haven't prepared enough but at the same time, I know what work I've done ... I guess what I'm feeling is only natural. Anyway.

Not much to report from me on the health and fitness front. I'm working on keeping mentally calm and focused right now. My bags are packed; I'm all checked in on-line. I just need to get on the plane and get through this next phase.

Will blog from Canterbury next :)  

As the days go by - Part I

As we get closer to December 31st there are more and more blog posts coming up about resolutions for the new year and lots of reflections about all that has happened in 2011.

As someone who has struggled with my weight for pretty much my whole life, I think the goal to lose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle is no longer just a new years resolution - it's an everyday, all the time resolution.

There are really only two basic principles you need to follow to lose weight:

1. Eat healthy foods in proper quantities

2. Exercise

That's it.

Of course you can go into more detail and become obsessed with numbers (I've definitely been there) - calories consumed, calories burned, body mass index, fat to muscle ratio, basal metabolic rate etc. etc. - but I think it all comes down to being more vigilant. With everything you put in your mouth - ask yourself - will this get me to my goal weight? If not, put it down. If it will, go for it.

Sounds simple, right?

Well, if it was that simple, I would have been at my goal weight years ago. The truth is, I'm not. In fact I'm still so far from my goal weight it feels like I barely got started.

I know that on December 31st, 2011 I will be a few pounds lighter than I was on January 1st, 2011. I should be happy that at least I didn't gain ... but that's just not good enough - why didn't I lose more? How is it that I've worked out so much (granted not as much as last year) yet have not managed to lose more? I know that the lack of exercise during my recovery period has had an impact on my weight loss -- but still, it's not all that.

It's my food. It's got to be my food. I am quite careful about what I eat -- but I could be more vigilant about my nutrition. I will be more vigilant about what I eat.

It's all in my control. I just have to find the courage to stick to the plan and keep moving forward.

------------------

PS - Had a great workout today -- I shaved a minute off my 1 km warm-up and finished the second round of Workout B for NROL4W. I managed to up a few weights and even tried the reverse crunches (which I skipped last time). I'm still not back to my pre-surgery strength, but I'm definitely getting there!

I also wore jeans for the first time since my surgery! I was very excited about that. They fit just fine, not tight at all and, more importantly, not uncomfortable/painful - which is what I was most worried about due to the healing incision etc. Now I can continue working towards fitting into a smaller size!! :)

Trying to Focus

I was really feeling the effects of yesterday's workouts today. The muscles in my arms were aching even as I was writing/typing! It's a good kind of ache though. I was thinking about going for a swim today, but that didn't happen as I got bogged down with work. In any case, I'll be going in for RPM this evening.

Well, it's the start of a new week, and after a few distractions this past week I'm ready to get back into a more normal routine. I managed to finish the paper I've been working on for a conference being held in DC later this year - what a relief! I've still got a ton of marking to do. The student essays are not too bad, but they're just a drag to get through. Then of course there's my thesis ... will it ever get done?! I've only made a bit of progress on it since I got my extension but I really need to get a move on ... especially because I've been giving a lot more thought to the surgery I need to have. I'm honestly not feeling that well. The constant pressure and pain in my abdomen is irritating me ... plus I feel like I'm getting worse. Of course I don't

know this for sure, it may just be a psychosomatic effect. Nevertheless, it's distracting and I'm having a hard time staying focused on all the tasks I have ahead of me. In any case, I'm trying to schedule an appointment with a local doctor because I can't afford to keep flying to London for check-ups or treatment ... so fingers crossed I can accomplish something on that front this week and then figure out the next step.

Although this is an obstacle I'm trying not to let it distract from all the things I can still do/have to do. I need to stay focused - concentrate on things I can control and let go of the one's I cannot. Working, watching what I'm eating, working out, and water, water, water!