Friday Five

I can't believe a whole week went by without me posting. That was not my intention -- but this week didn't coincide that well with my good intentions. I felt rather off sync throughout the week. It's amazing how one or two out of the ordinary events can throw me off my groove. I really do need to learn how to be less reliant on having a set schedule.

Here are the top 5 things that got me off my A game this week -- Although the week didn't go according to plan, it wasn't all a failure. I tried my best to learn from each incident - and I hope that the lessons will keep me moving forward.


Self-Doubt
Last week I found myself spiraling downward into a really dark head-space. I let one little incident consume me and fill me without doubt -- doubt of things I've accomplished and doubt of what lies ahead in my future. It was not good. The scariest part for me was that I could feel myself sinking into the quicksand of negative thoughts. In the past, not only would I not have control over these thoughts, but I would also fully believe in them and allow myself to get pulled down. This time, it was different. I knew better. It was a true struggle within. On the one hand, I felt suffocated. On the other, I was trying to coax myself out of the funk. I was 'happy' that I could recognize what was happening and that I really didn't want to go there. I knew that I could pull out of this and that it was foolish to allow one little thing - that really didn't have anything directly to do with me - to throw me off my course.

I had one day of pure darkness, but I didn't allow myself to to remain there. I kept rallying, and that's what led me to reassess a few things.

Prioritizing 
While I was trying to figure out how to get out of my funk, one thing became clear to me -- If I was doubting my abilities/potential/skill, then I obviously wasn't working hard enough. I know that may seem like I'm being hard on myself, but if I'm 100% honest with myself, I know I can do better. There are little things here and there that I let slide. In the desire and attempt to try and do it all, I can't always give 100% of myself to each thing that I try.

My biggest priority at the moment is to fine tune my Jiu-Jitsu training so that I'm ready for LA in January (assuming I get accepted -- I haven't found out yet; regardless, it's best I start my training now so that I'm not caught off guard later on). That means extra time on the mat, extra time studying my moves, and extra time drilling. The last thing I want, as I mentioned before, is to feel unprepared or unsure of myself because I didn't give all my efforts into my training. It's important to me, so it has to be a priority.

With that as my main goal at the moment, I've had to sacrifice other things, namely my Muay Thai training at the moment. It really, really makes me sad to not pursue this line of training at the moment, but it is just for the moment. Hopefully once I know more about what's happening in January, I'll be able to work Muay Thai back into my schedule. Right now, all roads lead to Jiu-Jitsu -- and that means working on my endurance, strength, and flexibility through specific Jiu-Jitsu related drills and more mat time.

Leftovers 
In addition to training, of course my food has to be looked at. Coming off the Whole Life Challenge has been tricky. It's amazing - I can be SO disciplined on the challenge - not even think of things on the forbidden list, but once I'm off, things change. I haven't gone totally out of control, but I have probably eaten a bit more than I should have and I've definitely given in to my sweet tooth. Another thing that set it off was having people over during the weekend -- although the main meal was clean (and whole life challenge friendly), there were desserts ... and instead of throwing them out (which I totally should have done), they were eaten ... in addition to that, some other changes in my week's schedule meant that my weekly food prep didn't get done ... and that has had an impact. Again, it's not that the foods have been horrible -- but I think that being on the Whole Life Challenge and totally cutting out all sugars, preservatives, etc. etc. changed my body chemistry. I feel the difference between my homemade granola and the one bought in the store - obviously the store bought one, no matter how organic and how 'clean' still has other stuff in it. All these little things add up -- and now they need to be subtracted. It's just not worth it. Food prep has to be a top priority -- even before my training actually, coz' I can't train right if I don't eat right.

Sleeplessness 
For the past 5 days my sleep has been breaking around 2 a.m. Last night/this morning I couldn't get back to sleep. What's ironic is that normally my mind is crammed with thoughts and stresses and worries ... but my mind was actually blank. I was even trying to come up with soothing, relaxing thoughts but it just didn't work. I thought that I'd have a good night's sleep coz' I had had such a good workout that day (weights, MetaFit, and Jiu-Jitsu), but I just couldn't relax and sleep. I think it has to do with all these extra chemicals in me. It's the only thing significant thing that I can think of. I'm hoping that cleaning up my food will sort my sleep out.

Rest and Reset 
This weekend, I'm hoping to catch up on my sleep, to solidify my plan for the upcoming week - particularly how to navigate through Thanksgiving!! - and enjoy a reunion with some friends I haven't seen in a few years.