Wondering About Chocolate

I don't know what happened to me yesterday, but all I wanted was chocolate. I'm not talking about wanting a tiny piece of just a taste of chocolate. No, I wanted full on chocolate - big amounts and large satisfying chunks.

I can't believe how antsy and restless that craving made me. I was grumpy and annoyed that I didn't have any. My mind kept racing about how I could get my hands on chocolate. It was pouring down with rain all day yesterday so I wasn't about to get out of the house just to buy chocolate. I couldn't just order from a delivery restaurant and have them only bring me chocolate.

Instead of seeing it as a sign, I just saw it as things being stacked up against me.

What in the world?

The only chocolate that was in the house was Bendicks mint chocolates, which is basically an after dinner mint with a thin layer of dark chocolate around it - so little chocolate that it barely makes a difference.

I skipped dinner and 4 of those instead (200 calories).

Today's reflection about my mad craving has nothing to do with the calories/sugar/fat of chocolate. It has to do with figuring out what triggered such an insane craving.

I haven't put my finger on it yet. I wonder if it was just a bad combination of being hungry, lazy, and bored?

The good thing is, not having any proper chocolate, or anything sweet really, in the house helped me avoid a massive binge.

It worries me that I still have these uncontrollable cravings where I just want to stuff my face and to hell with the consequences.

It worries me that I can even say 'to hell with the consequences' which is exactly what I was thinking yesterday.

I wonder if it was because I couldn't have any chocolate that it intensified the desire.

So many things to wonder about.

My biggest downfall to date is still my sweet tooth. Even though I know how bad sugar is for you, the logic hasn't been enough to curb the cravings.

My discipline of not buying sweets for the house is what has saved me from gorging in sweets so far.

I'm just wondering when my thoughts will catch up to my behaviors.

This change sure does come slowly ...