Eating Habits

"Each meal is a new opportunity to eat nutritiously" - Women's Health

This quote came up on my Twitter feed earlier today - what a great quote. Every second of our day is a chance to make a change, to do something different, to finally take action towards reaching those goals that we really, really want to reach ... and we all really, really want to get healthy, right?

Messed up on breakfast? Don't mess up on lunch. Messed up on lunch? Don't mess up on dinner.

The downward spiral can be deadly. You have to be in control -- and that's one of the great things about eating habits - we are in control of what we choose to eat. Nobody is ever forcing us to eat a chocolate bar, bag of chips, a deep-fried meal. Those are entirely our choices - and with such choices are consequences. Don't let a cheat/special occasion meal turn into a cheat day (or worse yet, couple of days, a week, or more). 

I understand about the struggle with food. I've been there for years. I'm still there, but I think I'm finally smartening up. I still falter with choices, and I know that I have a really hard time resisting junk food if it's in the house. Luckily, there's a simple solution to that - don't bring that junk in the house! It's amazing how you think of healthy alternatives to soothing those hunger pains when you don't have ingredients like cheese, butter, sugar in the house (let alone pre-packaged foods that are full of sodium and other preservatives).

I didn't cut foods out of my diet, but I changed my diet drastically. I never said to myself, 'Don't eat any chocolate.' I just didn't eat it - it wasn't about restricting myself or as some like to put it, depriving myself - it was just about making better choices.

Each time the number on the scale doesn't go down I know that I have to make better choices. Each time I struggle with my workouts - whether it's running, pilates, swimming, or CrossFit, I know I have to reexamine what I eat.

Food = Fuel

Eating healthy foods will help me have better workouts -- and having better workouts makes me feel happy, strong, and confident - who can say that those are things they don't want? That's a positive upward spiral I want to be on!

I just want to make smarter choices each day - with each meal. So, to take that ambition to another level, today I registered with the International Sports Science Association for a Fitness Nutrition Certification course. We all know the basics of healthy eating (Eat This, Not That should be common sense), but I want to know more. Plus, I gotta know what I'm talking about if I'm going to 'preach' about it ... and if I'm going to 'preach' about it, you better believe I gotta practice it!

Let's see how it goes!

Another CrossFit session today - my right quadricep muscle was still quite achy from the squats I did on Sunday and Monday -- but had to push through.

Warm-up:
5 minutes of jump rope - getting better at those double-unders, though still haven't managed any in a row yet
3 rounds of 10 full-body squats/10 burpees

Strength Skill: Squats
Overhead Squats: The overhead squats kicked my ass today. I just didn't feel focused and my legs felt wobbly. I managed to go up to 40 kg (88 lbs.) but really struggled; I was much better at 35 kg (77 lbs.)
Front Squats: I managed to reach a new PR of 65 kg (143 lbs.) - for me the toughest part of this exercise is keeping my elbows high; plus the bar is heavy on my collarbone - I have a feeling I may have a bruise or two tomorrow
Back Squats: Another new PR for me - 75 kg (165 lbs.)

Even though I did well, I couldn't help but feel disappointed in the overhead squats. I know I can lift that weight, but I just couldn't put the movement together -- still, trying to focus on the positives -- I'll get there if I keep working at it.

WOD - As many rounds as possible in 10 min
30 crunches
20 push ups
100 jump rope skips
15 pull ups
15 ring pull ups (not sure of the name)

Another good day at the CrossFit Q8 Box!

Accountability

Accountability: \ə-ˌkau̇n-tə-ˈbi-lə-tē\ (n) - an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for one's actions [Merriam-Webster's Dictionary]

I read the word accountability all the time in blog posts about weight loss. Many people use their blog as a way to stay accountable for what they did/did not eat and how much they did/did not exercise. 

For the most part, accountability has simply been reflected as - I ate X, I wrote it down/acknowledged it. Therefore, I have made myself accountable. 

What I don't understand in statements like that is - Where is the responsibility? More importantly, what are the consequences? 

Simply writing something down or admitting that something 'wrong' has been done is not enough, especially when the action goes completely against what is needed to maintain a healthy lifestyle. 

Being accountable means that there have to be consequences for actions. Otherwise, it's just words on a page; once that page is turned, those words are often forgotten. Then all of a sudden there is the big question of - How did I get here? Why hasn't my plan worked? 

It's usually because there were no consequences. 

I spent quite a bit of time tracking my food - weighing/measuring/obsessively taking notes of what I ate. Sometimes I ate food that wasn't bad for me. I felt like shit having to write that down -- but more than just writing it down, I told myself that if I went over my limits, then there would be consequences. 

Going over my calorie limit meant doing an extra X minutes at the gym; eating a certain type of food meant doing 100 jumping jacks, etc. 

Of course there was no one to enforce these consequences on me, but I guess being honest with oneself is just part of being an adult. 

I hated the consequences. I found it so much easier to just NOT eat something that was bad for me or eat too much. I think that's how my approach to food changed, and of course, it's all been to my benefit.

Did I falter? Of course I did. Were there consequences - more often than not. 

The idea of responsibility and consequences needs to go hand in hand with accountability. It's not just about saying what you did, it's about taking action about it. 

One burger = 500 sit-ups
One soda = 100 jumping jacks

etc. etc.

You've got to do something about the choices that are made -- this is the same with reward. You can't reward yourself if you haven't done the work. Moreover, the reward should definitely NOT be food, especially when you're trying to lose weight. There are so many other things that can bring joy and happiness -- and before you start thinking about how expensive those other types of rewards are -- just think of how costly it is to be eating junk food and not exercising. 

For the past week, I've been weighing myself every morning. I just want to see the number keep going down, even if it's by 1 gram. I know that weight varies on a daily basis. I'm not doing this to obsess over the number. I'm doing it because I want to be more aware of my body - what I'm eating and how it's having an impact.

If the number goes up, I have to ask myself:
- What did I eat the following night?
Sometimes I've eaten right, but I've still gained a few grams. I know that some foods, like hummus, sit really heavily in my stomach. What do I do, I don't eat it at night anymore. If I want hummus, I'll have it during the day. 

Sometimes, however, the weight gain might be because I've had something unhealthy to eat. I'm glad to  say that hasn't happened over this past week. However, I know that if I did eat unhealthily, it will show. Even if for some reason it doesn't show on the scale, it'll show in my energy level, my sleep pattern, or somewhere. 

I guess that's the point -- whether you write it down or not, whether you are really 'accountable' or not, your body will reveal the truth. 

A Bit of Positivity

I enjoy getting ready for my workouts.

I like choosing my workout clothes - kinda boring, usually a black t-shirt and black/grey/dark purple capris, but I have a much more fun collection of sneakers :) - and then packing up my gym bag. I try to have these things ready several hours before my workout so that I don't have to rush just before leaving the house and risk forgetting something, or worse yet, run so late that I miss my workout.

I used to approach going to CrossFit with a lot of apprehension. As I would drive to the Box my heart would race and I would feel so nervous - Will I be able to succeed today? What if the WOD is something that I just can't accomplish? Will I fail?

Over time, the anxiety has lessened, and now, I look forward to each challenge. I used to think that if I knew what the WOD would be from beforehand, then I'd be able to mentally prepare. Now, I'm glad I don't know. The mystery is part of the fun.

Just before the WOD I still feel nervous though, but it's being channeled in a much more positive way than one of negative thoughts. I try not to think about not completing or not being able to do the workout. Instead I tell myself that I can. Even if I'm slow, I can do it ...

It's still taking some practice, but I definitely feel like I'm gaining control over my mental blocks.

Our warm-up today was 250 jump rope skips. Some of the girls started doing double-unders and I thought to myself, 'Man, I really want to do those! When will I be able to do it?' I picked up my jump rope and started to jump and then gave a double under a go -- fully expecting the rope to lash at my shins as it has always happened in the past - but suddenly, the rope went under my feet a second time!

I was so shocked I gasped aloud and said - OMG, I did it!

I had to stop and laugh a bit (as did the other girls) as it truly did catch me off guard. Did I really do that or was it in my imagination? The true test will be to do it again ... and I did! I still haven't been able to do them in a row, but I did do 12 today ... and that's 12 more than I've ever done!

I'm still grinning!

Seeing the sudden accomplishment when you weren't expecting it gives me such a high!!

Our WOD today was 21-15-9 reps of thrusters (deep squat and then pushing the bar to an overhead press) followed by sprint burpees (sprint in place for 10 sec and then drop to a burpee, repeat for the reps).

When we did FRAN back in June, I did the thrusters with a 20 kg (44 lbs.) and it was tough ... today I moved up to 30 kg (66 lbs.) for the thrusters ... OMG - really, really tough. I had to really, really focus and think positively each time I went towards the bar. I tried to block everyone around me out and just focus on finishing the exercise. It was brutal, but I did it and I felt great after finishing that WOD!

The 'After Party' was 3 rounds of 15 crunches, 15 side-to-side planks, and 15 leg presses.

I left a lot of sweat on that gym floor tonight -- and left the Box with a huge smile on my face :)

SSSD Challenge Update and Week 11 Goals

I've kinda been missing in action from the challenge for the past two weeks because I've been away. I totally missed out on the Week 9 No Sugar challenge - not intentionally, I just hadn't checked what the challenge for the week was.

Although I hadn't set out a specific fitness goal for week 10, I'd say my overall vacation goal/fitness challenge was to not gain weight while I was away ... so of course coming back with a 6 lb. loss ... and adding another 2 lb. loss since I've been back home has made me quite happy. Seeing the numbers drop has definitely kept me more focused and motivated than before to just keep on going. Though I still have quite a ways to go, I'm getting closer and closer to my goal - I don't want to do anything to detract from it.

Earlier this week I made a huge stir-fry and have been using it to supplement my meals. It's been quick and easy and it's full of lots of good stuff:

I'll post the recipe for it later. I've been adding bits of it to egg whites to make an egg white scramble as my pre-CrossFit meal. It gives me a good dose of protein and veggies. Sometimes I've just been having it plain or with some Greek yogurt to balance out the spiciness. There are other times when I had it with a slice of toast and sometimes along side a lettuce/tomato salad. All in all, having such a big batch of veggies prepared has saved me from mindless grazing - the food is prepared; it is all healthy - I don't really need to worry about portions, though I've still been careful.

I usually take a few days to adjust to being back after vacation and don't start working out for 3-4 days after returning. This time I just took a day to rest and do all those post-travel errands and then got back into it. I was actually planning on taking today off, but then our CrossFit coach texted us about meeting up for a workout. We met at a mall near my place. I thought we were just going to power walk, but boy was I wrong!

Our workout involved walking, jogging, sprinting, running up and down flights of stairs with push-ups, walking lunges, squats, and ab twists thrown in. We did start doing 'box' jumps on the ledge of one of the fountains until security started to approach to shoo us away! ;)

I've been learning the choreography for Body Pump, so after I got home D allowed me to practice 2 tracks with him. We did the warm-up + squat track (150 squats!!) - and after that, I was totally wiped out!

So exercise has been good for me - eating has been really good too (tried another new recipe today - salmon burger on a portobello mushroom - oh so good! Again, will post the recipe soon!)

My goals for this week: Keep it up!!
This week's challenge: Reflect on the past 10 weeks and show your weight loss in food -- will do this at the end of the week :)

This week's challenge comes at a good time for me. I feel like I'm really on a roll with my food and exercise. I've had to make a few adjustments mainly due to the focus I'm giving CrossFit. The main struggle I'm still having is with sleep. Last night I only got 4 hours. I really, really want to get at least 6 hours of sleep. It shouldn't be difficult ... but it is. I find myself waking up after an hour or two and then unable to get back to sleep ... I've actually been trying to take afternoon naps, especially on CrossFit days because I really do need the extra rest and recovery time.

There are only 3 weeks left of the challenge, and though I'll be traveling next week, I still hope that I can be a better participant! I've been trying to catch up on commenting on blog posts, but there have been so many! Hopefully I'll be able to catch up this week!

Sorting Things Out

Today I actually sat back down at my desk and did a bit of work. I've got a bit of research on Kuwait that I need to get through plus a few conference abstracts that I need to work on. It felt strange to be back into study mode, but after such a long break, it felt good too.

My apartment looks like a suitcase factory exploded in it -- with another trip in about a week, my luggage hasn't been put away plus I'm adding more pieces as I'm taking things over for my parents. Packing for this trip is going to be a nightmare - and right now my room reflects it! It's starting to make me feel a bit anxious. I've started organizing it a bit, but it's going to take a few days to get it all sorted out.

Nothing like a good CrossFit session to help de-stress!

Warm-up: 3 rounds
15 burpees
15 crunches
15 hand-release push-ups
15 full body squats

Strength training - front squats (5,4,3,2,2,1) - my last rep was 50 kg, but it wasn't my max

WOD: AMRAP within 10 minutes
10 deadlifts (I lifted 40 kg, but I really should have done 50 kg)
10 hanging leg raises
10 hand-release push-ups

I managed to start my 10th round before time was called.

I tried to push myself a bit harder today. I just want to make sure I see some improvement with each session - even if it's a small improvement. There are some girls in the group who are so incredibly strong and fast ... it's intimidating at times but also motivating. If I want to see the results, I've got to do the work! No excuses.

Facing Fears

I'm a person who has a lot of fears, worries, anxieties, and stresses.

I think these manifest themselves through my insomnia, jumpiness, panic attacks, and OCD. I also think these feelings and insecurities have caused me to develop a lack of belief in myself - particularly because I'm afraid that I'll either fail at the task or I'll get hurt in the process.

Feeling afraid and anxious is tiring and depressing.

I reached a point - I'm not really sure what triggered it - and decided that enough was enough. Step by step I was going to try and tackle these insecurities.

One of my biggest fears was of water - large bodies of water. The expanse of the ocean scared me, and the idea of swimming around, not knowing where the bottom of the ocean was and with all those fish and other sea creatures swimming around with me, terrified me. Seeing JAWS pushed me over the edge.

My fear grew to the point where even the sound of waves made me feel anxious. To this day, deep water still scares me, and any body of water - even swimming pools - is automatically checked for sharks - I just can't help it. I do it every time. Every time.

A few years ago, I decided to try and get over this fear - so what did I do? I enrolled for scuba diving classes. I went to the classes, read all the material, took each lesson seriously -- and even though during my qualifying dives all I could envision was a shark with it's jaws open waiting to swallow me whole, I did it. I completed my 4 dives. My instructor was phenomenal as was my diving buddy. They never got impatient with me and were there to help me stay calm and celebrate my successes.

I obviously still have some work to do, especially since it's been so long since I got my certification, but I'm getting there. In Italy, I couldn't bring myself to swim in the sea - but I did walk in the water and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks made me feel relaxed instead of tense ... baby steps.

One of my other huge fears is of dogs.

This fear was passed on to me by my mother - her fear plus two bad experiences as a child pushed my fear to complete phobia. The sight of a dog a long distance away would cause my pulse to start racing and I'd start shaking. Dogs coming near me would send me into a screaming frenzy followed by a full on anxiety attack. I couldn't help it.

What would really, really piss me off is how most people reacted to this phobia of mine. Not only could they not understand it, there were many people who would say - You'd love my dog. You won't be afraid of it.

That's not how phobias work. They're irrational fears. I wish that I wasn't afraid, but at that point in time, I was. So many people tried to push me onto meeting their dogs - convinced that theirs would cure me. They just pissed me off even more, showing absolutely no respect or consideration for something that was a major issue for me.

I think it's because of people's reactions to my fear that it took me quite some time to even begin to think of getting over it. I felt like I was being forced or pressured because I was crazy for not liking dogs. What can I say? Not all dogs are friendly. Not all babies are cute. Fact. (People forcing me to hold their babies also pisses me off.)

Anyway.

A year and a half ago I decided to try and face this fear. It started with me not avoiding dogs. Usually if I saw a dog coming my way, I'd cross the street. So I started by not crossing the street - just standing there and ignoring the dogs.

I did alright, and I was definitely put to the test in Argentina earlier this year where there were dogs everywhere!! I totally impressed my friends who had yet to see me be so calm around dogs - especially D, who may still have traces of my fingernail indentations after a particular dog incident in Boston several years back!

Anyway -- let me get to the point (finally) -- One of KD's friends in Italy had 3 dogs. When we went over to her house, she had already put the dogs away, which was the first sign to me that she acknowledged my discomfort and wasn't going to force me to meet her dogs. She had a very calm demeanor which played a big role in her amazing therapy work with horses ... I automatically felt comfortable around her and thought, right - maybe during this trip I'll really be ok around dogs. Part 1 would be to be ok around the dogs, and part 2 - if I felt ready enough, then I would actually pet the dogs.

We went to the horse stables where KD's friend worked - there were lots of dogs around. Everyone was so great around me - keeping a watchful eye on both the dogs and myself, ready to step in if it got too much for me.

The first step - getting used to the dogs. This one below, Otto, seemed to take an immediate liking to me as he hardly left my side the whole time I was at the stables:

After about an hour, I thought I was ready - though I was still slightly hesitant ...

Success!! Contact made!!

I even got comfortable enough to actually fully sit down. This was a huge deal. I was completely vulnerable - there was even a time when there was a dog behind me, but I didn't flinch. That never would have happened a year ago!!

Some other dogs came in to get some affection:

While they were all cute, Otto was my favorite :)

If you've never had a phobia, you may not get what a huge deal this was for me -- but conquering this fear was a major accomplishment. It was one more step in me taking control of my life. I was very, very proud of myself!

Clarifications

When D picked me up at the airport and said 'Wow, you look like you've lost weight,' I was pleased but I thought he was just being kind. That's what husbands are supposed to say, right?

Today, when I went to the CrossFit Box and lots of people commented on me looking like I lost weight, I definitely believed it more. I know that the scale showed a loss, but still, it always feels better when people notice and comment -- so that, plus the fact that I bought 2 dresses today, both a size smaller than what I wore just 4 months ago, I was happy :)

As I was making a big veggie stir fry today (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, bell peppers, mushrooms, celery, peas, and a sprinkling of corn and jalapeno peppers - so good!), I started to reflect more on my food and how I still need to do so much work on eating more clean and getting more protein.

I've been catching up on blogs and I noticed a lot of posts about people falling off the wagon in terms of their dieting and exercise routine or making unhealthy choices and complaining about weight gain and several posts discussing the idea of cheat meals/days along with the idea of not depriving oneself of eating foods they like (but also not seeing any weight loss results).

After reading several posts related to these themes, I started to feel a bit guilty of what I may have implied or what could be misinterpreted from my post about my trip to Italy.

I was thrilled that I lost 6 lbs while being away on vacation.

The food I ate, however, was not food that I would normally eat. I don't want it to be interpreted that I ate tons of pizza and pasta because I wanted to gorge on those types of foods and I couldn't resist them. I also don't want it to be assumed that just because I lost some weight I think that I can continue to eat in this manner and continue to lose weight.

I knew going into my holiday that my dinners were going to be heavier than normal. With that in mind, I was careful about what I ate during the day - often just having fruit, a bowl of cereal, or a salad. Occasionally if I thought my dinner would be on the lighter side, I'd have a sandwich for lunch. I also think that not having any munchies - no chocolates, crisps, fries, etc. - made a big difference as I know in the past I tended to graze on these foods.

The daily activity plus good nights of sleep also helped a lot.

I'm also aware that part of this weight loss is probably loss of muscle rather than fat - not really something that I'm happy about, but hopefully I'll be able to build that back soon.

Anyway. I guess my point is that I think my improved eating and exercise habits really helped me avoid any gain over my holiday. If I hadn't made those changes (that have been taking place over several months) then I don't think I would have been as 'lucky' with losing a few pounds.

I don't want my food choices to be interpreted as saying - Yes, you can eat pizza and ice cream on a daily basis and still lose weight.

I mean, yes that's kinda what happened, but that's really not the kind of message I wanted to send. It's about long-term healthy choices and an active lifestyle that can help off-set any indiscretions that just might happen (not planned for in advance)!

Anyway. I hope that made sense. I guess reflecting on what I ate is really bothering me -- but it's back to the grind now!!

Today I went to CrossFit. Boy was I nervous as I hadn't done any training - push ups, squats, jump rope - as I had planned to do while in Italy. Still, I think I did rather well.

Warm-up:
10 squats, 10 push ups, 10 crunches

Skills: 5 rounds @ 10/8/6/5/4/3/3/3 reps of
pull-ups (I did the last half with a lighter resistance band, yay!)
tricep dips
hanging leg raises

WOD: 5 rounds
100 jump rope (still can't do double unders, ugh!)
10 burpees -- repeat until the 5 rounds are completed
{man I was out of breath!}

Strength: 3 rounds
6 reps squats (40 kg/88 lbs)
20 hollow crunches


It felt really good to be back at the Box. My upper body already feels sore from the push ups, pull ups, and hanging leg raises. I've only got a few more classes to take advantage of until I travel (yes, again). Each time I go to CrossFit I am reminded about how important it is to watch what I eat. I mean, I know it's important anyway, but I really do think that choosing the right foods and eating them in the right portion plus at the right time will help me improve my CrossFit performance. I just have to keep tweaking my foods and hope that I find an eating plan that works for me soon!