This Week's Trend

Ok, so the trend for my posts this week is definitely stress.

Everything seems to be happening at once - being busy at work and having my dad here + dealing with his health stuff. I don't feel like I've even recovered (or completely unpacked) from Berlin!

Still, it's going ok. I'm trying to be more efficient in how I'm planning my day - preparing meals in advance (chopping extra veggies while waiting for things to cook plus having the menu for the week planned is a huge help).

I need to get more sleep. Either I'm up (early in the morning or late at night) finishing my work or I wake up in the middle of the night feeling stressed about unfinished work. This is by far the unhealthiest thing that's happening in my life at the moment. I really need to get a grip. I have, however, managed to take a bit of a nap each afternoon. I think that's the only way I've been surviving my day at the moment.

Exercise is going great. It's my one escape from everything else that's happening in my life. Instead of stressing over how much time it takes to get to the gym, change, workout, shower, change, and get home, I just take it in stride and be selfish about that "me" time.

Body Balance was terrific today. I love seeing how the strength I'm gaining from CrossFit is helping me move deeper into poses and just get more from the workout in general. During the last 10 minutes of meditation I pretty much fell asleep on my mat, lol. I didn't even realize when the class had finished!

I'm glad I managed some rest today because I sure did need my energy for today's CrossFit WOD.

We worked on overhead squats and clean & jerks. I know I can lift heavy; I just need to work on my technique now. I need to brace my core more and concentrate on adding more energy to my lifts. It's going to take practice. I just have to figure out WHEN I can practice without it impeding on my workouts.

Our WOD was alternating thrusters (ugh) and burpees with a 10 kg plate.
Round 1: 30 each (I lifted 25 kg)
Round 2: 20 each (I did the first 10 @ 25 kg and then dropped to 20 kg, which I used for the remaining rounds)
Round 3: 15 each
Round 4: 10 each
Round 5: 5 each

50 deep squats
50 crunches

My upper arms and shoulders are so sore! It's a satisfying sore though.

I still feel like I can do better and push harder. I wonder what it is that's holding me back. It's got to be in my head. I feel like knowing that I'm sleep deprived and stressed is making me 'think' that I don't have the energy to do this. Yet I also know that I do. I really try to psych myself up before class - I have to figure out a way to dig deeper.

I just have to stay confident and not let frustration derail me.

Did great with food today - made a coconut shrimp curry with bell peppers, eggplant, and sugar-snap peas that was so good! I can't wait to have it for lunch tomorrow. At least that's one less meal I'll have to cook (though still have to make something for Dad and D).

The adventure continues. Gotta keep making right choices and moving forward.

Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep.

Stressful Day

I've had another incredibly hectic day.

I was up at 2:00 a.m. (only 3 hours of sleep) mainly because I was stressed/anxious about things that I had to do during the day --- partly related to work (papers to grade/presentation to prepare) but mostly related to my dad's hospital visit. I couldn't stay in bed so I just started my day just after 2 a.m.

The good news is that everything that needed to get done today did get done. However, it came with a lot of stress and anxiety throughout the day.

I spent 4 hours with my father at the hospital. He's doing ok, but he could be better. On our way home, as he was coming up the stairs, he fell.

I'm not a parent, so I don't know how it feels to see your child get hurt ... but what I do know is that when I saw my father on the ground, my heart hurt so much - it was unbearable. I immediately ran to him and helped him up. He was quite shaken and unfortunately also cut up and bruised a bit. We cleaned up the cuts and I bandaged him up ... but I was shaken for the rest of the day. I didn't want to let him out of my site. Strange how the roles reverse as we get older ...

By 3 p.m. I was so exhausted that my body was hurting and shaking from lack of sleep and stress. I tried to lie down for a bit and did doze for a few minutes ... but it wasn't enough.

My biggest worry - I wanted to get a workout in, but would I be able to?

After de-stressing a bit with D, I pulled myself together and got in a Zumba workout. I felt much better after that - a good ass-shaking usually does that.

Despite all the stress I felt today, not once did I think about turning to food to help me cope. There's nothing that food would do to help make my day any easier ... I just stuck to my usual plan. It's starting to feel normal for me now, and that definitely feels good. I didn't have much of an appetite, but I made sure I ate. I don't want to get into the bad habit of skipping meals and letting my emotions dictate how and what I eat. Stuff happens all the time; I just gotta learn how to deal with it in a normal way. No more excuses. I'm enjoying my newfound health and wellbeing way too much to throw it away.

Full Day

I feel like every minute of my day was filled with something to do ... though I did manage to take an almost 1-hour nap this afternoon. My Coach said that I should schedule it in like an errand because not getting enough rest is affecting my performance.

Work was hectic. I lost all my files from my flash drive (damn computer virus on my work computer) and I had a massive stack of papers to grade that took me 4 hours to get through - I hate grading! Worst part of teaching for sure.

I went to Body Balance class to de-stress and get a proper stretch - something I really missed last week.

I spent some time with Dad, in between marking papers, washing the dishes, preparing our lunches, and prepping for dinner ... and then I headed off for a much needed break to CrossFit.

There's no doubt that I was tired, but I wanted to workout -- hmmmm little did I know our Coach was going to attack us with a 40 min WOD (3 WODs back to back).

It's always the initial fear factor of once you hear what the WOD is going to be that makes me hesitate. I think to myself - Will I be able to do this? It's really a lot. I'm not sure if I can handle it.

Our WOD:
Round 1:
Snatches + Burpees (4/8/12/16/20 reps alternating between the two exercises)

100 single jump rope skips

Round 2:
Cleans + hand-release push-ups (4/8/12/16/20 reps alternating between the two exercises)

100 single jump rope skips

Round 3:
Push press + pull ups (4/8/12/16/20 reps alternating between the two exercises)

That was our workout AFTER our warm-up (burpees and pull-ups, 5 rounds, though I can't remember how many reps each) and our strength training -- deadlifts - of which I managed KG140, but off a box, not off the floor; I tried KG150 but didn't get as straight as I would have liked to. Gotta work on my grip.


What was more exhausting that the WOD was being stuck in traffic for an hour and half on my way home. I was almost in tears from exhaustion, hunger, and frustration of just being stuck in traffic.

At a quick dinner - so glad I had prepared my salad beforehand - took a shower and then headed to bed.

So as I said, it's been a full day!

Didn't get my grading done so it'll be an early morning for me tomorrow for sure!

Busy, Busy Times & GFFE Week 6 Summary

This past week was insanely busy. Talk about things being off-schedule!

I was in Berlin until Monday, and then I got straight back to work. There were several birthday celebrations in the evenings. Plus there was the weekend of Zumba training ... to top it all off, Dad has come from Bangladesh to stay with me for 10 days. He'll be without a car so I'll be ferrying him around plus having to think of his meals etc. (most of them will be like mine anyway) and just take care of him in general.

I'm so glad that I've been learning to let go of control bit by bit otherwise these changes in my normal routine would have really thrown me off!

I didn't write too much about exercise this past week because there have been other things to post about, but in general it's been going well.

I've exercised everyday - whether it was cardio, CrossFit, Zumba, or yoga.

I'm down another 2 lbs this week (making it a total of just over 13 lbs lost in the past 4 weeks). I'm fine with this steady weight loss. I just need to keep it up.

I went in to the gym this evening. I haven't been there for quite a while at that time of night and I was so happy with all the reactions. Before when I'd disappear from the evening gym sessions (coz' I'd be going early in the morning) people would sometimes comment and say - Where have you been? Did you get lazy? - which meant that though I was exercising, the effect wasn't noticeable.

This time, however, it was. Aside from the lbs dropped, I know my body shape has changed because of CrossFit. It's great. Plus the change in diet - dropping sugar, preservatives, grains, starches, etc. - has given me an extra bounce in my step. The reactions were incredibly positive - all saying how the difference was noticeable and that I must have been working hard etc. etc.

I won't deny that it's always nice to hear compliments. Regardless of physical evidence - numbers on the scale, inches lost, or even smaller dress sizes - hearing someone else give a compliment feels good. This time, I was able to proudly say Yes. I have been working hard -- because I have.

No doubt there's a long way to go, but I'll get there.

This week's Get Fit, Feel Epic Challenge Update:

1) C25K - I started Week 6 but only managed Day 1. The next run is going to be a big one - 20 minutes straight. I'm trying not to psych myself out of it. I'll definitely be putting together a kick-ass playlist for that run! Wish me luck!!

2) Nutrition Studies - I read a bit more of chapter 1, but I haven't made enough progress to make me feel confident that I'll finish the 4 sections that I wanted to complete by the end of this challenge.

3) Core work - Again, not good this week, which is a shame. I've been getting some core work in daily through my other exercises, but not focused core work like I was doing at the beginning of this challenge. That changes in the morning!

4) Balance - I've been really good at maintaining my yoga practice in the morning or at the very least doing some deep stretching each day (it's also part of the WLC). I didn't have the time to attend any balance classes this week as I was stuck at the university - either teaching or in a meeting. Hopefully I'll be able to make the class tomorrow.

5) Gleason's - I didn't do any boxing this week. I just got too caught up in the other workouts. Plus doing Zumba this entire weekend kept me from boxing lessons. Hopefully this week will be back to normal.

This week our challenge was to do push-ups each day. I took it easy because my coach told me not to overdo it and save my strength for class. I wanted to work up to 30 push-ups by the end of the week.

Monday: 10
Tuesday: 12
Wednesday: 15
Thursday: 20
Friday: 22
Saturday: 25
Sunday: 30

They were a combination of knee push-ups and full push-ups as well as a few hand-release push ups (CrossFit style). I can definitely see my increased strength helping out with my push-ups ... though they're still difficult and I don't feel very confident doing them.

So, this coming week is going to be crazy again, especially with dad here, but I'm determined to make the best of it :)

It's Official!!

I spent the last 2 days dancing my ass off and training ... to become a Zumba instructor!!!

Day 1 Zumba training:

Day 2 Zumba training:

Officially a Zumba Instructor! 

This was the best birthday present ever!!! Can't wait to teach my first class :)

It's My Birthday :)

I'm 36 today and feeling happier and healthier than ever!! I bought a dress yesterday that is in a size that I haven't been in 7 years. To say that I was thrilled is an understatement.

There's been a lot going on, but I'm going to save my big news for tomorrow night.

I've enjoyed myself thoroughly today and have appreciated all the efforts of my friends to help me have a brilliant day and keep it Whole Life Challenge friendly.

More tomorrow.

Ciao!

Facing Fears

I woke up this morning still feeling grumpy over last night's cake decision. Again, it's not about the cake, the calories, or the challenge ... it's about the decision itself and the thought process behind it.

I tried to let it go and tell myself that it's not a big deal. I'm not going to binge; it wasn't a trigger food; I'm not craving it; the healthy lifestyle that I've no adopted is not going to fall to pieces, etc.

Still, I obsessed over it for most of the day. I talked to D about it in the evening and I found it really difficult to explain what exactly was bothering me. Then it hit me - it has to do with fear.

I'm finding it difficult not to think ahead and wonder how my life is going to change (if it's going to change) after this challenge.

To be honest, I don't see myself stopping the habits that I've been building over the past few weeks. I guess what I fear is other people's reactions -- will they be ok if I'm not eating the same way as them or drinking with them?

I know it's silly to think about others, but the social scene is a reality that I'll have to face. If the choices I've been making (the good ones) are the ones that I'll be continuing, then both my friends and I have to look at the changes I've been making as something beyond a game -- it is really turning into a lifestyle change.

I've heard that sometimes people are afraid to lose weight because they don't know how they will feel being a normal size.

I for one don't have that issue ... but perhaps one of my fears is that after the actual challenge is over, what will I be able to use as an 'excuse' for leading a healthy lifestyle.

This evening as I attended another birthday dinner with some friends, there was more cake as well as 100 questions about this 'diet' that I'm following and how a cheat meal once in a while is ok.

It's basically the same stuff that I discussed in my blog post a few days ago. The thing is, I know the answers -- but in reality, sometimes I just don't feel brave enough to say them out loud.

I need to figure out a way to vocalize more. I don't want somebody else to be associated with a lapse in my diet. I need to take responsibility for my choices - for what I want to have and what I don't want to have. I cannot afford to be afraid; being afraid has held me back before - it's not going to happen again.

Ok - enough of that. I really do need to move on and let it go.

There was another birthday dinner tonight. This time I took my cue form what one of Norma's friends did a while back - she brought her own food to the gathering. I asked the hostess beforehand if she would mind if I brought my own food - she said it was fine, and immediately I felt better. She actually had cooked a lot of good vegetarian food - but there was also a lot of bread, different types of dressings, and cheese. So, I'm glad I took my own tuna/avocado/black bean salad; I enjoyed my meal while they ate theirs. Of course at the end of it there was cake -- and while I did blow out the candles, I politely refused a piece.

They did ask me more about this 'diet' that I was following. I tried to clarify that it wasn't a short-term, quick-fix diet. I'm doing this for 8 weeks to see how I feel and what habits (if any) I can sustain for the rest of my life. It's not always easy to explain, but some get that it's all about the choices I'm making. I'm not looking for a cheat meal or a relaxed day. I know that I want to give it my all.

Anyway. Tomorrow's my birthday and D has something very special planned -- for me, I just want to have fun, hang out with my good friends, and stay WLC-compliant :)