Saturday, July 7, 2012

Until I'm Not

I think I'm generally quite good humored and I remain good humored ... until I'm not. Once I cross over into that other mood, it's very tough for me to come back. As my BFF says - "I'm scary" when I get into those moods. I think it catches people off guard if they see me in that type of dark mood. I'm glad it doesn't happen often, but when it does ... I can't hide it, nor do I want to hide it!

Today was one of those days.

I was tired and cranky. I didn't want to do anything, and I didn't want to see anybody -- those are not good emotions to have when  you've got a house full of people.

The whole week has just been so intense - all the errands, all the stress because of the uncertainty of my parents' status, then of course having my parents here. It's been great, but at the same time, over night we've gone from a quiet 2-person household to 4 people - and not quiet. I just felt like I had no space and no time to myself. I think it has just gotten to me.

I was grateful to be able to escape to the CrossFit box for our workout today.

On Saturdays the main coach/owner of CrossFit Q8 comes in to check out our technique and give us pointers. It was good - really useful. I really want to take some extra time and focus on my form so that I can establish a good foundation for the rest of my movements. I need to make that a priority -- when I have the time!

The WOD was good - the toughest part for me was the 21 burpees. *sob* Hate them MF'ers!!

Round 1 x 2
21 cleans
21 burpees

Round 2
21 deadlifts
21 pull ups

11 deadlifts
11 pull ups

Round 3 x 2
21 push jerks
21 hand release push ups

Aside from the burpees, I felt good with the rest of the moves. Oh, the pull ups are still very difficult, but I do think I'm improving - slowly.

I left the Box feeling a bit better but still quite distracted. I know I need to focus and concentrate more, but with so much else going on, it's been tough.

The food situation was going alright in the house but it's been deteriorating a bit - and not because of me. My dad is so hard to control. He wants to eat 'good' food - and by that I mean food that isn't prepared healthily at all. He wants to cook and I don't want him to cook. He uses too much oil, too much salt, and other ingredients that are not good for any of us in the house. He makes jokes about food - e.g. this turkey wrap would be so much better if it was fried. He keeps talking about fried food ...  all this talk about unhealthy food just got the best of my today. I was in an absolutely foul mood. I'm trying so hard to be good ... and it's not like they're not eating well. Different, fresh foods every single day. I'm working so hard to make sure that they (he) can see that eating yummy food doesn't mean that it needs to be fried, covered with cheese, or doused with cream. *sigh* I find it really tough to be around him when he talks that way, and he knows it bugs me. Mom & D understand my frustration, but there's really nothing to say to dad. After dinner I lost my temper a bit and said - You can stay in this house for as long as you want, but I tell you, if you mess with my food and talk about unhealthy eating habits, I'll kick you out.

Of course I would never kick him out ... and I did feel guilty for saying it ... but I gotta admit I felt a little better after getting it off my chest too.

Does that make me a horrible daughter?

Blah. Feeling like shit. 

1 comment:

  1. I so understand that - it's almost a Jekyl and Hyde thing! I always seem very positive and even keeled... then I just lose patience and snap. I hate doing it at work, it seems so unprofessional, but I get so tired of faking a good attitude sometimes that I lose it when stupid things happen.

    As for your Dad... I feel for you. My mom struggles with her weight, and claims she tries to eat healthy, but heaven forbid we don't have some rich dessert! Sigh....


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