Adelante

I wanted to post more yesterday but I came down with a terrible migraine and just could not stand to be in front of the computer to write up a post.

Luckily I woke up this morning without a headache -- very pleased about that.

Yesterday turned out to be an easy day for me. I did my 15 minutes of yoga + 15 minutes of core strengthening work in the morning. Later on in the day I went to Body Balance. I'm still feeling a bit stiff - I can't wait until I regain my flexibility.

Today I headed into the gym to do some cardio. I was really feeling hesitant about doing C25K. After my performance on Tuesday and my failure to run 6-min straight, I was feeling really apprehensive. I dilly-daillied next to the treadmill for a bit -- putting off getting on the treadmill and hoping for some sort of motivation from somewhere. Even when I got on the treadmill and started, I didn't want to do it. I just wanted to stop. At two minutes of my walking warm-up I thought, this is ridiculous. I don't want to do this ...

... but that's not the truth. I do want to do this. I want to be able to run. Bloody hell. What's wrong with me? How come I want this so bad yet I'm not willing to put in my 100% effort? That doesn't make sense. I know that the only way to improve is to keep practicing. Even if it's difficult now, if I keep practicing, it won't be difficult later. I kept repeating all those positive mantras to myself, but really just sounded like 'blah blah blah' in my head. So strange.

On the one hand I totally de-motivating myself and on the other I was scolding myself for being such a slacker.

Luckily the latter voice won the battle, and by the time my 5-minute warm-up had finished, Voodoo People by The Prodigy came on and I was good to go for my 4-minute run. This time I decided to run at 7.0 km/hr instead of 7. After all, I'm trying to work on endurance vs. speed.

Four minutes done without any trouble. Now I had 2 minutes to gear up for the 6-min run. Shit. Will I be able to do it? All I kept thinking was:

I knew it was true.

I just had to keep going -- so I kept repeating that line to myself, and Adelante by Sash! came one and i was good to go.

I couldn't help but smile a little as I heard 'Walk' -- I had done it. Stupid mental block! Now just one more 4-min running segment done and I would be finished with Week 4, Day 2 ... so I got it done.

I was so happy once I finished it. I have to remember why I started this and what it means to me to be able to succeed at this. Almost one year ago, after my surgery, the recovery was so painful that I could barely walk ... with all the bad news I received after the surgery, I just became so depressed. This past year has been all about finding mental strength. It's been so much more challenging than working on physical strength (though no doubt that's been damn tough too).

So, 6-min may not seem like a lot, but for me, each little step feels like a big accomplishment. I just have to keep the positives in mind when I approach the treadmill again.


After C25K, I went to the assisted pull-up machine. I know it's not the same as doing pull-ups, but I really wanted to practice my form and just get used to the movement.

I also took some time to practice my cleans. I had one of the trainers work with me to help me position my arms. I find the posture for cleans to be very awkward. I can't get my elbows high, and I feel like I'm leaning too far back and not resting the bar on my collarbone properly ... We did several sets (just with a 20 kg bar) and I felt much better with the movement once I was done. With some more practice, I'm hoping I'll get better.