Thursday, October 18, 2012

Haphazard Day

Stress continued for sure.

Busy day at work followed by more doctor's appointments and a bunch of errands with dad. He's doing better after his fall, and his general health is ok.

Of course one of the main issues as a diabetic patient and a kidney transplant recipient has to do with food. He's terrible at taking care of his food. He eats whatever he wants whenever he wants. He has no discipline whatsoever.

What makes it worse for me is that he always talks about food and jokes about the food that I prepare saying - Oh this would be so much better with butter or cheese on it. It pisses me off like you can't imagine. I don't care that he's only joking - the food preparations that I grew up with got me to where I was - overweight at 13. Seriously? It's so hard for me to stay sane. I respond to his comments without being rude - just telling him the facts. What I'm doing is not punishment or unhealthy. I'm finally taking a stand and taking control of my life. I can't even begin to explain how frustrating it is, but I wrote about it a bit in my Whole Life Challenge Blog.

Still, to be honest, it upsets me. Today we went to the supermarket and I saw that he picked up a small Toblerone bar plus a pack of caramel sweets. In the car he offered me some caramel sweets, and I said No thank you. His response was - it's just a bit of sugar. I ignored it. When I was giving him dinner options for tonight - chicken with vegetables, stir-fry fish, etc. - he said he wanted pizza. We had pizza in our house tonight, but I didn't partake in any. I was happy with my leftovers from yesterday.

I don't understand how he has criticized me so much for being overweight and not trying hard enough to lose weight and now that I'm finally doing what I HAVE TO DO to reach my goals he's not being supportive. I don't get it.

It's really irritating me. I love my dad, but I can't stand his eating habits at all. I think he has a total disregard for his health - and I have said this to him directly - but somehow it doesn't phase him.

I don't expect him to eat the way I'm eating, but at the very least he should be happy and proud that I've been so disciplined instead of finding negative things to say. It's bad enough I have to deal with this from others, but from family - it pisses me off even more.

I was actually feeling a bit tired and worn out from my previous workouts and almost didn't make it to the gym, until I read Norma's post about today being her 'rest' day and Jenn's video on CrossFit -- that was enough for me to get my ass to the gym.

My workout was a bit haphazard. I really wanted to do Day 2 of Week 6 of C25K, but the way I was saying 'ouch, ouch, ouch' as I walked down each step, I didn't think today was the best day to go forward with my first 20 minute run. When I do it, I want to do it confidently. I was not feeling confident today. So, I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes - mostly walking but a few jogs here and there; then I worked with a trainer for 30 minutes just focusing on my posture, form, technique, and grip with weights; then I channeled my inner Norma and on behalf of her rest day did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer [I haven't been on the cross-trainer in months; it felt great!]; and then just as I was getting ready to leave I saw that Zumba class had started, so on behalf of Jenn (since she mentioned going to Zumba tonight) I went in for 20 minutes of the Zumba class. I didn't feel like staying for the whole class, but I knew a bit of ass-shaking would make me feel a little less stressed.

So, 1.5 hours of different exercises. Not my ideal type of workout, but I got a good sweat on and felt better about having worked out.

I'm so glad it's finally the weekend! Trying to stay positive and focused.


  1. I have a hard time with my mom sometimes. It can be so frustrating. Keep doing what you are doing!

  2. Try not to get too frustrated with your dad. Maybe him saying oh it would be better with cheese etc might be his way of dealing with what he can't eat.

    I know you feel though. When I was really overweight my mum would get at me and say you need to lose weight etc and then I started to but once I started to I saw that she then would still critique what I ate. Even now she does it after I've lost like 46lbs and back to healthy weight. Sometimes if I eat a cake (which is more of a rare occasion these days) she'll look at me as if I shouldn't be eating or say "should you be having that". This morning I made porridge for breakfast, I had oats with skimmed milk, two small plums and two teaspoons of organic honey. She said to me "I didn't think you'd be allowed that much honey." I just replied "It's two teaspoons for one weight watchers point" but it annoyed me, it's honey on oats with fruit! Not a chocolate muffin for breakfast! It was healthy. But if she wants to have something she'll have it.

    And my dad eats whatever he likes. He puts half a pound of butter on his bread, ok not really that much but he puts on a lot on. And he puts salt on every meal before he's tasted it and not a little salt but a lot. He smokes so he can't taste it. He's not grosely over weight but he could do with losing a few pounds and whenever I tell him he needs to eat healthier and exercise (cus he virtually does none) he chunters at me. But when I needed to lose weight he would dig at me to lose it.

    Parents are odd things.

    I love mine to death don't get me wrong and they do a lot for me but they are often contradiction central.

    1. Thanks for your comment Nikki. I definitely understand where you're coming from. I guess it's about figuring out how to stand by the decisions that you've made without being at odds with others, particularly family.

  3. My mother was diabetic, but was a very careful diabetic who never ever strayed from her diet. I once worked with a guy who was diabetic and he would stand at my desk eating candy. I would sometimes tell him that it was not a good thing to be eating candy but he would just say "I took my meds." Maybe they don't really understand the serious side of being diabetic? I don't understand it at all.

    1. Me neither Caron. There has to be a deeper issue as to why they're not taking control. It took me ages to get the whole eating thing right (and it still needs tweaking) - I guess it boils down to will power and understanding/believing why the changes are good for you.


Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! I can use all the support I can get :)