Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Today I met with some of my aunt's (mother's sister who lives in Bangladesh and is fighting/has fought 4 types of cancer) friends. It's been a while since I had seen them and we wanted to reconnect.

We ended up meeting at The Chocolate Bar - a restaurant here that features, you guessed it, chocolate. I've been to this restaurant five or six times; of those times I've had a dessert twice (delicious), the other times I had either a sandwich or a salad (also delicious).

We were meeting at 5:30 p.m. - a time that's really neither lunch or dinner for me. Anyway.

I never thought I would say this, but as I flipped through the menu, I didn't even feel the slightest bit of temptation to have anything.

Now, I love chocolate. I mean, I really, really love chocolate -- but after this whole experience, I'm wondering - will can I write that in the past tense?

I'm not sure where I stand yet.

I'm just happy that I didn't feel like I was 'deprived' or sacrificing anything. I didn't feel like I was missing out or stuck doing some sort of silly/meaningless challenge that was holding me back from enjoying my life.

At that moment, as I sipped my chamomile tea and drank my water, I was perfectly fine to be sitting there laughing along with these incredibly kind and hilarious women and think nothing of the food. When their peanut butter/chocolate/caramel/ice cream etc. desserts came out and I was offered a taste, I easily smiled and said 'No, thank you.'

The comment, 'One bite won't kill you' came up - and I had to say, "That's not what this is about. I'm just not interested, and most of all, I'm happy with what I've got."

I've been surprising myself each day with this new found will-power.

Right now in the house, there are a few squares of dark chocolate and a jar of chocolate chips in the fridge as well as some Belgian chocolate ice cream in the freezer. I guarantee you had it been 18 days ago, I would have had no hesitation eating them (not all at once) and thinking, this 1/2 cup of ice cream is not going to kill me. It's not going to have an impact on the 2-3 hours of exercise I put in at the gym today.

That was then, this is now. It's 18 days later and I'm 11.4 lbs lighter (just 1.5 lbs away from the goal weight I wanted to be at before leaving for the wedding - I've never been so close to a goal weight by a specific date than this!) and I'm feeling so good.

I still don't have answers. I'm still discovering and learning about my body and my mind ... I'm not rushing it but rather, I'm enjoying the process.


  1. It's a pretty profound experience when you realize a certain food (or recreational/social eating) does not have the power over you it once did. I remember walking past the fancy pastries case at the bakery in the supermarket and realizing if the baker told me to just take some, I wouldn't even want to. My mouth wasn't watering, I wasn't imagining the taste. They looked pretty but I had no desire whatsoever to smell or taste was a strange couple of seconds until I understood it was because I'd gotten sweets/sugar/baked goods out of my life for about two or three months at that point, and I understood how that change affected my brain and my body. Good for you, PP!

    1. Thanks Norma. It really was quite an experience for me. I never thought I'd reach there. I'm proceeding with caution - as you said, constant vigilance is necessary!

  2. I have tried many times to lose weight for a special occasion but it never worked. I would get all stressed out about not getting there that sometimes I would even gain. :(

    And the bakery department that Norma mentioned never seemed to deliver in taste what they could in eye appeal. I've been disappointed more than once.

    1. This is the first time I am so close to the goal weight I'd like to be -- ironically, I didn't do anything specific for the occasion. Rather it's all the other changes that I've made in my life that have helped me reach where I am.

      I agree with you about the baked goods - not missing anything from there!

  3. "That's not what this is about. I'm just not interested, and most of all, I'm happy with what I've got."

    I love this response! I will be stealing it.


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