We ended up meeting at The Chocolate Bar - a restaurant here that features, you guessed it, chocolate. I've been to this restaurant five or six times; of those times I've had a dessert twice (delicious), the other times I had either a sandwich or a salad (also delicious).
We were meeting at 5:30 p.m. - a time that's really neither lunch or dinner for me. Anyway.
I never thought I would say this, but as I flipped through the menu, I didn't even feel the slightest bit of temptation to have anything.
Now, I love chocolate. I mean, I really, really love chocolate -- but after this whole experience, I'm wondering - will can I write that in the past tense?
I'm not sure where I stand yet.
I'm just happy that I didn't feel like I was 'deprived' or sacrificing anything. I didn't feel like I was missing out or stuck doing some sort of silly/meaningless challenge that was holding me back from enjoying my life.
At that moment, as I sipped my chamomile tea and drank my water, I was perfectly fine to be sitting there laughing along with these incredibly kind and hilarious women and think nothing of the food. When their peanut butter/chocolate/caramel/ice cream etc. desserts came out and I was offered a taste, I easily smiled and said 'No, thank you.'
The comment, 'One bite won't kill you' came up - and I had to say, "That's not what this is about. I'm just not interested, and most of all, I'm happy with what I've got."
I've been surprising myself each day with this new found will-power.
Right now in the house, there are a few squares of dark chocolate and a jar of chocolate chips in the fridge as well as some Belgian chocolate ice cream in the freezer. I guarantee you had it been 18 days ago, I would have had no hesitation eating them (not all at once) and thinking, this 1/2 cup of ice cream is not going to kill me. It's not going to have an impact on the 2-3 hours of exercise I put in at the gym today.
That was then, this is now. It's 18 days later and I'm 11.4 lbs lighter (just 1.5 lbs away from the goal weight I wanted to be at before leaving for the wedding - I've never been so close to a goal weight by a specific date than this!) and I'm feeling so good.
I still don't have answers. I'm still discovering and learning about my body and my mind ... I'm not rushing it but rather, I'm enjoying the process.