Right after I published my last post I read someone's blog who wrote that they had fallen off the wagon AGAIN. Another stop at another fast food joint and not only are the person's life problems still the same, now there's an additional 1,500 calories of toxic shit floating around in the person's stomach. I've left several encouraging comments in the past, but with each setback, it has become harder. I can't bring myself to write - What the fuck. Stop acting like an undisciplined child who has no sense! - I just can't. If you're not accountable to yourself, then what good is a stranger reprimanding you for eating shit going to do? Nothing.
So after months and months of reading about this person finding a deep resolve to lose weight and then soon after finding comfort in a bucket of fried chicken, I have decided that the blog will join the others in the trash as reading those types of entries is bad energy as far as I'm concerned. I want to surround myself with positive people who are trying hard on a daily basis to fight this condition. They take it seriously. They are demonstrating determination and discipline. They are actually going through the process without finding excuses for failure or knowingly sabotaging their efforts with the 'one can't hurt' mentality (because it's never really just one with a food addict).
I've had many setbacks. Obviously, or I wouldn't still be overweight, but I'm heading in the right direction and the last thing I need is negative, pessimistic energy around me.
I haven't worked out in a week now and I am going insane and driving D insane too. I just trying to hold on until tomorrow. If I can take deep, deep breaths tomorrow without feeling any tightness in my chest at all, then I'll do something - anything!! At the moment, I'm just trying to ignore the fact that yet another day as gone without a workout because all I keep thinking is - I've lost muscle, I've lost strength, I've gained weight, all that work, down the drain --- dramatic, yes, but it's my drama and my current state of mind.
To make things worse, last night I was in excruciating pain from my fibroids [new post on my health issues here]. It was the worst I felt in a long time. We almost went to the hospital, but I just breathed through it - not easy with bronchitis! Today the pain is not as bad but it's been more frequent all day. I wonder why it's happening now. I wonder if the lack of activity plus the contractions from the coughing is affecting me internally somehow. I just want it all to go away.
Ok, enough with the complaining. Got some grilled veggies and soup on the menu for tonight. I just want a good night's sleep and to feel strong and ready to workout tomorrow.
So after months and months of reading about this person finding a deep resolve to lose weight and then soon after finding comfort in a bucket of fried chicken, I have decided that the blog will join the others in the trash as reading those types of entries is bad energy as far as I'm concerned. I want to surround myself with positive people who are trying hard on a daily basis to fight this condition. They take it seriously. They are demonstrating determination and discipline. They are actually going through the process without finding excuses for failure or knowingly sabotaging their efforts with the 'one can't hurt' mentality (because it's never really just one with a food addict).
I've had many setbacks. Obviously, or I wouldn't still be overweight, but I'm heading in the right direction and the last thing I need is negative, pessimistic energy around me.
I haven't worked out in a week now and I am going insane and driving D insane too. I just trying to hold on until tomorrow. If I can take deep, deep breaths tomorrow without feeling any tightness in my chest at all, then I'll do something - anything!! At the moment, I'm just trying to ignore the fact that yet another day as gone without a workout because all I keep thinking is - I've lost muscle, I've lost strength, I've gained weight, all that work, down the drain --- dramatic, yes, but it's my drama and my current state of mind.
To make things worse, last night I was in excruciating pain from my fibroids [new post on my health issues here]. It was the worst I felt in a long time. We almost went to the hospital, but I just breathed through it - not easy with bronchitis! Today the pain is not as bad but it's been more frequent all day. I wonder why it's happening now. I wonder if the lack of activity plus the contractions from the coughing is affecting me internally somehow. I just want it all to go away.
Ok, enough with the complaining. Got some grilled veggies and soup on the menu for tonight. I just want a good night's sleep and to feel strong and ready to workout tomorrow.
Sometimes it seems all there is out there are people who ate X, Y, or Z, and want to get "back on track". For some reason, I despise that phrase. And I have used it in the past, but no more. There are plenty of people out there who have found their niche in weight loss and maintenance - we just have to find them.
ReplyDeleteLosing weight isn't easy, but it is possible. We just have to keep at it. Finding others who are on the same wavelength helps!
DeleteIf you ever come by my blog and see me constantly falling off the wagon PLEASE say WTF? to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the medical problems you are having. Hope the pain subsides.
I, too, would want to be totally reprimanded for straying from my plans. Sometimes tough love is necessary.
DeleteMe too, if I keep screwing up...kick my butt. Screwing up is normal but all the time and on things you really can fix, that's not good.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon.
Take care and have a blessed weekend!
It's not about having a slip up here or there ... it's about noticing a constant trend of bad choices and self-destructive behavior for the past several months that has me frustrated.
DeleteThanks Julie :)
I also wrote about getting impatient with those who never seem to get going. Or, they do lose a good amount of weight and then stall out and make excuses constantly. I know it isn't easy to change your ways but if you really want it, you can usually accomplish it.
ReplyDeleteI hope the medical problems get resolved soon. Have a good weekend. :)
Thanks Caron. You're absolutely right - if you really want it, you'll do what you need to do to reach your goals. Nobody is saying it'll be easy, but it's not impossible.
DeleteThe comment I just left on your other post could be repeated here, but instead I'll say I hope your pain goes away quickly, and enjoy your first workout back asap!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kris!!
DeleteThis person that you are basically bashing needs the positive comments and even 'tough' love more than those who are able to fight their weight issues with a sense of ease. I can understand wanting to find blogs of people who have already gone through their million failures and finally found their strength to truly succeed...but if you are finding success for yourself and you've been where this person is (though you may not have made your every failure public on a blog) you should want to keep giving them encouragement...even when they're failing or if you can't/won't do that...at least don't speak about them so carelessly on your blog. Don't you think that all you've accomplished is just making that person feel worse about themselves, which in most cases would cause someone who is struggling to completely give up their fight?! As your tag line at the bottom the page here says...that person "can use all the support [they] can get"!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm bashing this person. I'm making a decision for myself. I have read and made encouraging comments on this person's blog for the past 6 or so months. I know it's not easy - as I clarify above, I struggle too - but you have to keep fighting everyday. Having pizza and burgers 6 days out of 7 and eating fish and veggies once a week is not showing any seriousness about getting healthy. I don't think that point can be argued.
DeleteIf this person hasn't found any encouragement or motivation from what I've said on their blog over the past few months, then I don't think they want to hear what I say. Plus I doubt my not reading the blog will cause this person to give up their fight. Besides, the blogger has 100+ followers - losing one shouldn't push them over the edge.
One final comment - losing weight is difficult. I find it very difficult. You have to make choices every single day to help you get to your goal. I comment on several blogs, and not all are success stories (yet) - they gain, they plateau, they lose a little then regain ... I've been there. I'm still there. The difference is, they FIGHT. They fight daily and it is evident in their words. That is inspiring. It's not about the final numbers, it's about the attitude and drive that people display.
I agree with Ernie: it seems like you're bashing someone for trying and failing rather than finding the positive in the fact that THEY KEEP TRYING.
ReplyDeleteWe can't all have the discipline of a monk at 2 for 1 Body Shots Day at the Playboy mansion. Yes, of COURSE it would be awesome to eat fish and veggies 6 days out of 7 and the burgers only one. However THAT'S the struggle. And the fact that that seventh day wasn't another burger or pizza, for some people, is a major accomplishment.
You're right. I doubt that losing one follower probably won't push that person over the edge. But what just might is just one more person standing in judgment of them for being on the losing side of the good fight and shaking their head and saying "why can't you be more like me??" If they're failing, that means they're still trying and that there's some fight left in them. They're trying to fan the flame, and I, for one, would rather help them fan rather than blow it out completely.
I understand that you’re doing what’s right by yourself, and that’s all one can do. I get that hearing about the dark side of weight loss and food addiction might not be what everyone needs. However, some of us like to know that we’re not alone; that it’s not just us that has a backward slide from time to time; that the journey isn’t all rainbows and butterflies; and that each failure doesn’t have to be “negative, pessimistic energy.” It can be another opportunity to try again. And the most inspiring, positive thing is that THEY DID TRY AGAIN.
What I find to be negative and pessimistic is the judgment and superiority I found in this blog.
As your comment illustrates - not every blog is liked by everybody. Once my words are out there, it is up to the readers to decide whether they like it or not, whether they agree or not. It is entirely their prerogative as it is mine to express my views.
DeleteIf you do not like what is in my blog and do not find it encouraging or positive, then I doubt you will follow or frequently read my blog. That is your right. I do not take offense to that at all. You should go to where you find inspiration -- I have the same right.
Losing weight IS difficult, and I hope that each one of us on this journey finds the source of inspiration that helps them succeed.
There is a fine line between enabling someone and supporting someone when leaving comments. There is also a fine line between constantly struggling & simply just not taking the steps necessary to change your life & health by losing weight.
ReplyDeleteThere is absolutely nothing judgemental or superior about what Plum Petal's writes. I find her to be one of the most supportive & encouraging blogs out there.
Different strokes, I guess. And luckily we have the freedom to click on links or keep on moving.
Thanks Jenn.
DeleteI guess not everybody responds to and interprets comments in the same way.