This week’s FMM question was quite a deep one. Kenlie asks Was there a defining moment in which you realized that you needed to lose weight? If so, will you elaborate?
This question scares me - mostly because it requires taking an honest look at yourself. My answer to this question is not a simple one. At first I was just going to ignore it but the I thought, no, it’s time for me to get real. Plus, since I’m trying to start a theme of ‘Motivation Monday’ perhaps this is the perfect question for me to address …
I feel like I've been on this weight loss journey for so long (about 15 years) that I don't even remember exactly when or why I started. All I knew was other sources of finding happiness and acceptance were not working - especially when every time I looked in the mirror I just hated what I saw ... I have yet to overcome that, but at least I did reach a point where I thought even though my look
was probably is a manifestation of my internal thoughts, at the very least I could start to work on changing myself externally to build enough confidence to confront my inner demons.
I have not been successful yet. I have lost over 20 kg (45 pounds) in the past year and a half … I’m using the past year and a half as my marking point because that is when I was the heaviest I had ever been – I’m furious at myself for letting myself get to that point. But I took that fury out at gym. I am pleased that I’ve lost weight, but to be honest, I have not yet managed to deal with those negative thoughts. I still hate looking at my reflection in the mirror. I still struggle to keep negative, self-deprecating thoughts out of my mind. One day I hope that I’ll be able to tackle these issues … in the meantime, I’ll be hitting the gym.