This week’s FMM question was quite a deep one. Kenlie asks Was there a defining moment in which you realized that you needed to lose weight? If so, will you elaborate?
This question scares me - mostly because it requires taking an honest look at yourself. My answer to this question is not a simple one. At first I was just going to ignore it but the I thought, no, it’s time for me to get real. Plus, since I’m trying to start a theme of ‘Motivation Monday’ perhaps this is the perfect question for me to address …
I feel like I've been on this weight loss journey for so long (about 15 years) that I don't even remember exactly when or why I started. All I knew was other sources of finding happiness and acceptance were not working - especially when every time I looked in the mirror I just hated what I saw ... I have yet to overcome that, but at least I did reach a point where I thought even though my look was probably is a manifestation of my internal thoughts, at the very least I could start to work on changing myself externally to build enough confidence to confront my inner demons.
I have not been successful yet. I have lost over 20 kg (45 pounds) in the past year and a half … I’m using the past year and a half as my marking point because that is when I was the heaviest I had ever been – I’m furious at myself for letting myself get to that point. But I took that fury out at gym. I am pleased that I’ve lost weight, but to be honest, I have not yet managed to deal with those negative thoughts. I still hate looking at my reflection in the mirror. I still struggle to keep negative, self-deprecating thoughts out of my mind. One day I hope that I’ll be able to tackle these issues … in the meantime, I’ll be hitting the gym.
Hi, stopping in from FMM.
ReplyDeleteI have those mirror-avoiding issues, too! Even though I'm 50 lbs lighter than what I was just a few years ago, I'm still not happy with what I see.
I do notice and remember little victories of things I couldn't do before - like get on a jet-ski while in the deep water (that is from this weekend!!) and I accidentally tried on a size 12 bathing suit (the hanger said 16). And I find I don't make fun of large people out walking or bike riding any more - because they're out moving!!!
Good luck on your journey!
I know the feeling, there are days when I want to believe "Is ok to be this weight, I love myself, blah, blah" but in reality I want to be healthier, I have to be honest that I do love myself and is BECAUSE of that that I need to make changes. Stopping by from FMM
ReplyDeleteIn from FMM...
ReplyDeleteYou certainly not alone! The mirror and I aren't friends. We are mortal enemies. As long as we stay away from each other it's all good. :D
I try to keep in mind where I was (17 weeks ago when I started - again) to where I am now. There are a million things I can do better now that I've dropped some weight. Sure, I have a long way to go, but I have to celebrate the small victories along the way!
Be sure to remember to reflect on where you've come from! Sometimes that's enough to keep you going. Good luck with your journey!
Here from FMM. Thanks for your post today. You know, I've found that those dirty little thoughts we harbor in our heads about ourselves really do sabotage our efforts. I hope that you find a way to silence them. Looking forward to reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteEven after you reach goal, the mirror can haunt you! I love how I look dressed now... but still don't like how my body looks without clothes; too much loose skin.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm healthy, and happy, and can do things I never thought possible - totally worth it!
Good luck on your journey!
Thanks for all the encouraging comments!! Really appreciate it :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Such a tough journey, but I know we can all do it! Be positive! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great. Slow and steady. Be patient and be kind to yourself. You deserve it!
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