Trying to be Optimistic

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this Saturday morning. Nothing too unusual about that, but ideally I would have liked to sleep in a little more given that it's a weekend. Still, my desk was beckoning so after my yoga, which didn't feel as good as it did yesterday, I started to work.

I kept telling myself - come on. Get through it. Just put your head down and work ... however that forced determination and hope soon turned to bitterness, angst, and stress.

On top of all that, my pain, which has been at about a 9 for the past 3 days, finally went through the roof today. It was hard not to take a bunch of painkillers and just lie under my comfortable all day.

It really was a shitty day.

Still, I'm getting better and better at compartmentalizing my moods. It's almost like when I'm in a shitty mood eating right and exercising are a way to tell my negative, moody self 'Screw you. You're not going to get me down. You're not going to make me binge. I'm stronger than that.'

I didn't binge. I didn't eat off plan. I actually didn't eat much at all because I was feeling crappy, but I did have 3 small meals and munched on a few raw nuts and raisins while working at my desk.

I didn't go to CrossFit today and I am pissed that I missed it ... at the same time I do think it was the sensible thing to do. Instead I grabbed some hand weights and my kettlebells and my Bosu and did some upper body resistance & balance/abs exercises. It wasn't much, but I at least wanted to get in half an hour of exercise.

The main sign that things were really off for me today was the fact that my mood didn't really get better after exercise. I usually feel great, but today I just felt blah. I'm way too stressed about this upcoming deadline and my stupid pain.

I will not, however, dwell on all the negative thoughts that have been on my mind all day (it's amazing how sometimes 1 negative thought multiplies into 1,000) and focus instead of a some happy/positive things that have been happening lately.

First of all, today marks the beginning of the last week of the Whole Life Challenge. Once I put in my scores for the day I saw that I was ranked 4th out of 7,099 people participating internationally -- that's pretty good, isn't it?

Second of all, yesterday I got to try out my new boxing shoes during our session. They were great though I do need to get socks that go higher than my ankle.

And just for the heck of it, here's a picture of me in my Halloween costume. It's actually one I bought for last year, but given my surgery, I didn't go to any parties. This year I had a lovely time and though the costume was a bit big (had to make some adjustments), I'm glad I got to wear it (though now what do I do with it?!)

Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be.