Love First

I was making a list of all the things I have to do and all the things I want to do – and it really was overwhelming. For the past few weeks I feel like I’ve been wearing myself thin (not literally – I wish!) by doing things for others and making others a priority. Although it really is important to me to help people out and make time for others, I know that I shouldn’t do it at the expense of things that make me happy.

In the middle of the week I found myself getting irritable, getting annoyed at so many things. That’s when I told myself – This has to stop. There is no reason why I should be getting so worked up. If someone is doing something that I don’t like or that I feel needs to be done differently, then I need to tell them so that they know (instead of holding it inside like I normally do). If I feel like I am making a special effort to do something for someone and it isn’t being appreciated or respected, then I need to do something to make that change.

That’s when I realized – I need to put myself first. I need to do what I love first. I don’t mean this to be selfish. Actually, I feel like doing what I feel needs to be done first makes me more relaxed and less uptight, which in turn makes it better for everyone else.

With that in mind, instead of rushing around and grabbing some fruit or a date for breakfast, yesterday I took some extra time and made some scrambled eggs. I can’t tell you what a difference just that little thing made. I felt healthy. I felt satisfied. I went to work without feeling agitated.

Since we’ve had visitors coming in and out and now we’ve got lots of dinner plans to eat out over the next couple of weeks, I haven’t done a proper grocery shop. That has left me finicky with my food. I’d open the fridge and see a bell pepper and hardly anything else. It’s tough for me to think of what to eat when I don’t have the proper supplies. That’s why I was just grazing on nuts and other simple stuff because preparing anything was too big of a chore.

I told myself – who cares if we’re going to eat out for dinner most nights this coming week. I still need ingredients to prepare breakfast and lunch. So I went ahead and did a big shop. Again, I felt so much better knowing that my fridge was full and that it was going to be easy for me to quickly whip up some grilled shrimp and vegetables or a baked sweet potato and some chicken. Having those options again alleviated some stress.

The other thing that was bugging me was the fact that I had given up my morning gym routine in order to accommodate others – run errands with my dad, meet up with a friend, or whatever. No more. Not lifting weights has definitely left me cranky and has made me feel flabby. I don’t want to feel like that. So once again I’m rethinking my schedule, putting in things that I want to do first, and then filling everything else in. Again, as soon as I came to that realization, I started to feel better.

I know that I can’t please everyone even though I want to. I know that I can’t do every single thing that I want. However, I can still organize my time in a way that helps me make the best of the situation.

This time, I’m putting what I love first. Aside from unalterable priorities (e.g. work), everything else is flexible.

One of my friends shared this link on being happy. I think it’s really worth a read.

Make time for yourself. You’re worth it.