I had 23 things on my list of things to do today and I got through all of them except for 2 phone calls that I have yet to make. The phone calls have been more exhausting than the actual running around. For example I spent 37 minutes on the phone with the British Airways office in London. The guy kept apologizing for making me wait and I wanted to just scream at him - stop apologizing, just do them damn work! I finally lost my temper at the end after I had finished all my transactions etc. when he said I just want to check one more thing. I snapped and said, What exactly are you checking? You said everything was already finalized and good to go. You are running up my phone bill for no reason. To which he apologized again and asked if I would mind staying on the line to for a survey. Was he kidding me?! I told him no way. I confirmed that everything I needed was taken care of and then I hung up. I swear I could have screamed!! Ugh.
Anyway. Aside from that my biggest stress has been preparing for my dad's visit. He arrives at 4 a.m. tomorrow. That's right, 4 a.m.
My Dad visits every 3 months for his health check-ups. I love my Dad, but we do not see eye to eye at all when it comes to eating healthy and how to go about losing weight/living a healthier life. He's totally into fad diets (which he doesn't commit to); he preaches about staying away from flour, sugar, and cheese -- the 3 things that he loves to indulge in; and worst of all, he's diabetic and a kidney transplant patient and I know he sneaks in chocolate.
(My blood pressure is rising just writing this!)
During his first visit, I had a meltdown every single day. We argued and I cried because I felt like he didn't respect me and the changes that I had made in my eating habits. As he is eating pizza (that he ordered) he asks me if I want a slice -- and this is after 10 days of him knowing that I'm not eating any flour, dairy, or sugar/processed foods (I was on the Whole Life Challenge).
His second trip was a bit better, but we still clashed. That time, however, I backed off a bit and just let him do his thing. I knew that I was doing whatever I could to make sure we were well fed (quantity and quality of food). When he asked for Burger King instead of arguing about it and stressing myself out, I just took him to Burger King. At 65 years old if he's not going to change his habits, why should I stress over it?
I say that, but the truth of the matter is that I do stress over it because I know it is bad for his health. It hurts me to see him not take care of himself. When I see the way he eats and is around food it is like a traumatic experience - making me think of how I developed bad habits in the first place.
It makes me sad and angry.
I find it really, really difficult to deal with.
I know where I stand in terms of my health and how I want to live my life. I know that if he wants junk food or chocolate or ice cream, I do not need to join him. I am just fine with how and what I eat. I do believe this; however, I also know that it will stress me out though I'm going to try to just breathe through it as much as I can.
Today I did a huge grocery shop. I have loaded up on delicious vegetables and lots of different proteins. I also bought my dad a few little treats - some 85% dark chocolate, a cheese and olive mix that he likes, some bread, and some cheese as well as a few other nibbles. It gave me mild anxiety putting these foods in my cart because they were things that I just don't buy anymore, but I figured I'd rather control how many snacks there are in the house versus letting him go crazy in the supermarket (and he does go crazy in the supermarket - I get both my eating habits and my shopaholic tendencies from my dad).
The next ten days will be challenging. My schedule will be disrupted (once again) and food will be a bit of an issue.
However, I know that I am strong. I know what is good for me. I know what my goals are. There is no need for anything or anybody to get in the way of that. I have been through enough obstacles over the past 2 years to know how to stay in control, or at least in as much control as possible.
There will definitely be a lot of deep breathing going on over the next few days.
Workout at home
Breakfast: Banana + 1 T peanut butter + 1 date
Lunch: Baked fish in tomato sauce, chili, and bell peppers
Dinner: Baked fish and vegetables (wasn't feeling too creative today)
Snack: 1 cup green tea; 1/2 cup grapes