Seriously? Where did that voice come from?
Anyway. I ignored it, bought what I needed to get and went home feeling somewhat dissatisfied that I hadn't found away to take the edge off my day ... and I was still contemplating a chocolate bar or a bag of chips.
In the evening, as I was heading out, I asked my dad if he wanted anything. Before he arrived I had made him a small basket of treats to prevent him from going to the supermarket and buying too much junk food. He said that his basket was empty and that he wouldn't mind a refill. (I feel bad that I didn't notice!) So I said sure, but had to grit my teeth because I knew that would take me back to the supermarket aisle and into the junk food section (I bought him some nuts, a few bags of chips, and some 'diabetic-friendly' chocolates -- still, in the same area as all the other junk foods.)
I did not buy anything for myself, but had a nagging feeling that I wanted something. As I headed to the check-out counter I started to have a bit of anxiety which seems to be the case if/whenever I buy any type of junk food, even though it's not for me. Putting junk food into my shopping cart literally makes me anxious! I feel embarrassed putting the items on the conveyor belt, and I know I'd be mortified if anybody I knew saw what I was buying.
It was such a strange mixture of thoughts and emotions.
For dinner dad wanted pizza.
Since I have decided not to argue with him about his eating habits (he's 65 years old; I'm not going to baby him).
So I ordered.
It was so tempting. I really, really wanted a slice, but I didn't have one.
Sure it would have fit into my 'calorie count' and I know that with the activity I do it 'shouldn't hurt,' but that's not the point of not eating the pizza. That's not the way I look at food anymore.
I know I was feeling emotionally vulnerable. I didn't want to eat because of that vulnerability. If I want to eat something like that, it'll be an active choice that I make because I want the food, not something that I eat with a shrug of my shoulders and think - what the hell, why not?
It was tough because I definitely felt like there were many challenges in my way - so many temptations, but I didn't give into any of them.
All I'm going to say about today is that aside from my workout in the morning (30 minutes cardio, 1 hour weights), my morning revolved around chasing up my brother's paperwork, which involved meetings with the vice-president of the university, the director of my department, and the legal advisor of the university. It was a stressful way to start the day.
Things eased up in terms of stress, but not in terms of how much work I had to do.
Although it's tempting to eat when faced with so many different challenging situations, instead of eating - just face the challenge head on. Do what needs to be done, and if you can't act immediately, write down a plan of attack.
Food will not solve any problems or take the stress away.
That was a big accomplishment in my book. I have a terrible habit of eating candy at my friend's house. I am working on it.
ReplyDeleteHi A! Well, I do have a treat every 10 days or so, like a slice of cheesy pizza or a small doughnut.
ReplyDeleteThis week, I actually ate at Indian buffet. That is a huge eating day, but I did not eat more calories that week than usual. I budgeted my calories so that the excess calories were balanced by lighter calorie days. I eat Indian buffet about once every 2 months.
When I do have a treat, it makes me feel like I can handle many more days of watching my weight. It gets the cravings out of my head. It's a good thing for me. But I guess you have to experiment with it to see if it's good or bad for you. Everyone's different that way.
:-) Marion
I have a free day every now and then. I think staying so strict is stressful and overly demanding at times. I have become pretty choosy with my free days. I don't like the effects of the day after. So, if I'm going to have a free day, I decide what I want before I eat. My last post I mentioned celebrating my daughter's birthday with a birthday cake martini. The martini was my cheat for the day. I kept my menu to usual primal foods that I included with her dinner, but enjoyed one martini and skipped the cake and ice cream for dessert without any regrets.
ReplyDeleteHow awesome that you were able to thoughtfully resist the temptations you faced. I am going to keep you and this post in mind when I find myself in tempting circumstances. Your strength and determination inspire me!
ReplyDeleteI really like this idea of eating food because you WANT it, not because it's there. That's a good reminder for me to keep in mind.
ReplyDeleteStress always seems to turn my mind to bad food choices. For instance, on those days when I have to fly, I always take some food that I can eat that is relatively safe. That way I do not fall into the trap of "I didn't have anything else to eat so I got a candy bar or a doughnut or a hamburger." Those are all bad choices for me.
ReplyDeleteStress is a tough one for me too! It's one of the emotions that makes me want to eat,and it's amazing that stress can be so powerful that it effects everything including sleep! I've been there, but glad it's eased up a bit! good job!
ReplyDeleteI love the quote you put up..I should use it when other people tell me I'm depriving myself when I say no to junk or dessert..next time I will tell them I'm not deprived but I feel empowered because I made a healthy choice.. love it..
ReplyDeleteI have always noticed the happiness of eating junk lasts for very little time but the irritation of eating crap lasts much longer so I try to focus on something else till I can stop that thought.Sometime I even buy a chocolate bar but make a promise of eating it only after reaching home..usually I forget about it :)