Autopilot

My anxiety about my writing has gotten worse. I know that I'm making (very slow) progress, but I just fear it's too little too late. I was at my desk by 4:15 a.m. and immediately got to work. I find it's always good to work with a target in mind, but then I fears of not meeting my target by the end of the day keep infiltrating my mind - along with mental sobs laced with panic. Still, like the attitude I've been having with my workouts, I am refusing to let the words 'I can't do this' enter my mind - I'm just going to keep at it until I get it done. I have no choice.

I took a study break and went to the gym. My friends think I'm insane that I'd go to the gym to unwind and de-stress instead of vegging on the couch or sleeping ... but I know that would just make me feel worse. Going to the gym helps me relieve some tension, gives me a change of scenery, and keeps me on track with my exercise routine.

I ended up not doing weights today - I was too distracted and tense to try and squeeze it in. Last summer, just before one of my PhD paper deadlines, I continued going to the gym - forcing myself to do weights and ended up getting injured which set me back. Not this time. I'll definitely do workout 8A tomorrow ... but for today, cardio was the only real thing on my schedule, so I warmed-up on the treadmill before heading to RPM class.

The thing I like most about cardio classes is that they go by so quickly. Even though it was a 50 minute class, it didn't feel like it took that long. I love the fact that within that hour I know that I've completed an intense cardio session without having to think too much --

At this point, I really am just on autopilot. I wake up. Study. Workout. Study. Eat. Try to Sleep. Then start the cycle all over again. I can't wait until this is all over so that I can actually LIVE my life instead of hastily rush through while trying to squeeze in as much as I can.