Monday, August 8, 2011
FMM - Future vs Past
I've been spending quite a bit of time examining and reevaluating my past - choices I made, habits I developed, fears I've held on to, memories I've suppressed ... it hasn't been the easiest of times and it has definitely unleashed quite a few internal demons that I was not prepared to deal with at the moment ... that being said, perhaps this week's FMM is a good opportunity to look forward and visualize what I hope the future will hold for me? I'm not very good at looking verbalizing what I hope for the future ... I'll give it a shot.
... ... ... ...
Hmmm ... it's not happening. I thought that I could do it, but I can't. I just can't seem to visualize anything past what's happening in my life right here, right now. I'm not saying it's a good or a bad thing - it's just how things stand.
I'm a bit disappointed that I couldn't bring myself to write anything - perhaps I have a lot further to go emotionally and mentally than I realized. I know that there are things that I want to let go of, and indeed things that I need to let go of ... but I'm just not at that point yet. Am I fooling myself by saying that it's a good first step to at least acknowledge this? I'm not sure.
Maybe all I can really say is --
Dear Future Self --
I know you've been making strides in the right direction. I hope that you've made it to where you want to be and that the past no longer haunts you. I hope that you are finally able to stand still and be calm.
Not the most cheerful letter, is it? Well, I guess I managed to write a little something after all ...