Standing Still

Today is my day off from the gym. I hate taking days off, it really irritates me and makes me feel restless, but I know that I have to. Plus I have discovered that these rest days do help me improve my workouts overall. Once again, it's just a psychological battle. I feel that not exercising = gaining weight/being unproductive/being lazy etc. etc. These thoughts continue despite the evidence that I do feel stronger and that I can run faster after my muscles have had a chance to rest. Is it weird to say that I find my stubbornness frustrating?

Well, aside from my stubbornness, I feel like I'm so close to reaching a point where I can face those inner demons, but I can't yet ... and it's bugging me. For the past two days there's been a kind of underlying angst and it's exhausting. Why can't I just confront these thoughts, memories, and fears and let them go? What is holding me back? Do I know the answers to these questions and I'm just fooling myself by telling myself I don't? I don't know. I honestly feel like I don't know. I just feel stuck.

The only thing that I can do at this moment is keep moving forward. Sometimes you've just got to fake it till you make it ... the last thing I'm going to do is let these feelings of frustration keep me down - I've got things to do, places to go, people to see ... life doesn't stop just because I'm feeling out of sync ... so I'm just going to keep moving forward until I'm ready to cope with standing still.