Changing things Up

I've really been struggling lately, particularly over the past ten days. I've had a lot on my mind, and obviously that's been keeping me up at night ... Things just haven't been good.

Although I've been exercising regularly and eating properly (in terms of the types of food that I'm eating), things haven't felt right.

I just haven't been feeling like myself.

Last night I stayed up late and watched TV for a few hours. This is something that I rarely do (and by rarely I mean maybe once or twice a year). It wasn't so much about watching TV as it was about just lying there and doing absolutely nothing -- the last time I did that voluntarily was ... well, I can't remember. I know I had a lot of down time while I was recovering from my surgery, but being in that much pain and lying still does not equal relaxation time.

All I kept thinking was, something's gotta change. I can't just keep pushing through without living. I mean I can - of course I can, I have almost all my life ... but what I guess I came to realize was that I shouldn't. I need to get a grip, confront my issues, and sort my shit out. The only way things are going to change is if I take steps to change them, no matter how drastic or scary they may be. It's time to stop surviving and start thriving.

My leg has been killing me, so I decided to do something sensible and not go to the gym. Originally I had thought 'fuck it, let me just do my workouts as normal' but then I realized I was being ridiculous. Not going to the gym does not mean not working out. There are plenty of exercises that I can do that do not strain my legs. So I can't do cardio for a while -- it's ok. It's not the end of the world. I will get through this. In the meantime, I can work on my upper body. I was trying to put a limit as to how much time I'd take off - try to get back to the gym on Wednesday, for sure by Thursday - but then I realized, what I really need to do is just wait until my leg feels better. I can't rush the healing time, and I definitely don't want to worsen the injury. So for right now, no treadmill, cross-trainer, and *gulp* maybe even Zumba for me ... but we'll see lol - I don't know if I can stay away from Zumba!

The next thing that I needed to take care of was my food/eating habits. For the past few days my eating has been completely off sync. I've been rushing in the mornings and sometimes left the house without eating breakfast - which is so unbelievably unusual on my part -- so I'd just have a protein shake. I'd feel lazy in the afternoon and not want to cook anything, so I'd just have a bit of soup and so forth. It's like I lost all drive and motivation to sit down and prepare my meals ... a big contributor to that is that I haven't done a proper grocery shop in ages. I just haven't been able to face the task of planning the menu, making the list, and spending the 2 hours it takes to do the groceries. So it's really been pure laziness. However, I had no more food in the house. No cereal, no veggies, no milk. Nothing.

It was definitely time to go to the grocery store. I didn't really go in with a set list, but I knew that I desperately needed some fresh veggies. Now that my fridge is fully stocked, I feel so much better.

So, exercise taken care of, food taken care of, now what about the rest of my life.

I definitely feel like I put my whole life on hold over the past year and a half in order to finish my PhD. In between I had a few bouts of bronchitis and of course my surgery ... all of which just made me feel more stressed and exhausted. Now that all those things are behind me, it's time to tackle the tasks that I've been putting off for so long.

Today I started with my clothes.

It's amazing how much time I have in the mornings before class when I don't go to the gym! It felt so good to start going through my wardrobe, which was an absolute disaster! Things were randomly hanging in the closet, my laundry basket (of clean clothes) was just sitting there with about a million pairs of socks just waiting to be put away ... it was quite a task indeed!!

A disaster, right? Well, I was hoping to have had a 'completed' picture up by the end of this post, but it's not quite done yet ... I am getting there though.

So much of my physical improvement is attached to my psychological improvement as well. I've got to learn to let go of worries and fears ... It's not easy, but I am taking steps towards becoming an overall healthier person. Hopefully starting to get a grip on a few things will help me feel better overall.