You'd think that after trying to lose weight for several years now that I would have gotten it right by now. I mean, weight loss really boils down to two things: eat less and move more. That's it.
Why is such a simple concept so difficult to follow? I know I try, but ... well, anything else I write from here on out will just be a list of excuses. So for now, let's just leave it at: I try.
Going through my wardrobe has been really good for me. First of all, being able to put so many clothes away to donate to charity (3 suitcases full plus 5 large bags and counting) has felt really good. Almost all the clothes that are in those bags are clothes that are too big for me. However, also among those clothes are items that I had bought ages ago that I had hoped I would have fit into by now -- I know, never a good shopping strategy, but I guess I was being optimistic.
I can't help but feel irritated that in the past two years I haven't managed to get to a point where I could fit into those clothes. It's not like I bought clothes that were unreasonably small. They were just a few dress sizes smaller than I was then ... but I'm still 1-2 dress sizes away. How frustrating and very, very depressing. I know the main thing about losing weight is to get healthy, but let's be real. A huge part of it is to look good too ... and I really don't like the way I look at all {a few months ago I would have written 'hate the way I look' but I'm making a bit of progress in lessening some of that self-hatred}. Part of me really wanted to hold on to those clothes but then I thought - it's been 2 years. It's time to let them go, and when it's time (and that time WILL come) I will buy new ones. Right now, somebody else can benefit from my wishful thinking. So ... there were definitely bouts of depression as I went through my wardrobe ... and then I got to the pair of trousers that I wore when I was at my heaviest. Four sizes bigger than I am now ... needless to say, they just slipped right off me.
That moment there is something that I need to remind myself of more often. I have a long way to go, but I have also worked hard to get to where I am right now.
The journey is far from over, but I'm still on it. I'm still determined. I haven't gotten it right yet, but I am getting there. I'm definitely smarter than I was before, and I am more committed to completing this mission that I'm on.
This past week has been a tough one for me. The endless insomnia. The leg injury hence no workouts. The cramps and pain. All I wanted to do (and did several times throughout the week) was sit down and cry. Still, crying is a lot better than drowning my sorrows in a bucket of ice cream or a mouthful of donuts - none of that for me. I just settled for 0 calorie tears.
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week. Things are not exactly the way I'd like them to be -- My leg is not 100% better but it definitely has improved. My wardrobe is not 100% sorted, but it's mighty close!My cramps are not totally gone, but then I don't know if they ever will be ... it's all part of life. I've just got to make the best of each situation and be thankful for all the things that I do have and all the things that are going right in my life.
So tomorrow is a new day. The journey continues. The effort continues. The mantra stays the same:
On paper, it seems simple, but it's not. If it was, we'd all be the size we wanted to be! 3-5 hours a day at the gym? Wow - I'm impressed, but then, I guess my training isn't much different, I just do it in my basement.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest problem is that the more I work out, the more I want to eat! Do you find that too?