Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Ups and Downs

My day started off early - took a friend to the airport at 6:15, then headed straight to the car wash (much, much needed after the mega sandstorm last week) and then headed home. I had a whole list of errands to do ... but then I thought, fuck it. I'm staying home.

I put on my music and that was it -- I was in another world. It's been so long since I just blasted my music and jammed. It was insanely cathartic. I would danced around more, but of course I had to watch my leg/hip/back (ya, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment), but still managed to get my groove on, and put a ton of stuff away. Last night I got a text message about a group that's collecting clothes etc. for the people in Syria - it came at a perfect time for me as all the stuff I've been putting aside from my big closet clean up has a good place to go.

Every once in a while I would go to my desk, grade a few papers, answer a few emails, comment on a few blogs, but then I'd be up again just dancing it off. As I said, insanely cathartic!

I was hoping that the high would last for a while -- but the stress and anxiety soon set in. Part of it had to do with going through my stuff. I'm such a sentimental person (and a pack rat) -- I opened a box that contained all sorts of memories - mainly good, but also several bittersweet. I hadn't looked at some of the things in years, but once in a while a rush of emotion would just come over me ... there were some times when it felt very overwhelming, but I pushed through the best I could.

Every once in a while the pain and nausea, particularly from my cramps, would also set in and I'd just want to lie down, but I pushed through that as well. Again -- pushing through. Will I get a chance to just take in all that the moment has to offer and exist?

As you can see, my mood significantly declined over the day. I definitely felt better as each box was empty and as the corners of my office slowly started to emerge ... but in the end it really was quite a tough day.

I'm on two different types of painkillers, perhaps that's also affecting me. It's definitely something that I wanted to avoid, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Still, the pills are only helping me get through the day (and hopefully the night) - I need something that'll help me ease my mind as well.

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