Thursday, June 7, 2012

Fight or Flight

Yesterday I found out that the conference organizers wanted me to be part of a round table discussion. I didn't need to prepare anything but just show up and participate in an hour long Q&A session. Of course, I was nervous. As I walked up the massive steep hill to the university all I could think of was - OMG I'm not prepared. I'm going to suck. I just want to run away.

The discussion went really well. All that worry for nothing.

Then of course there was my keynote speech this afternoon. As the time approached for my presentation, my heart was pounding louder and louder. I just wanted to throw up. Once again as I climbed the hill I just wanted to run. What if I forget my presentation? Suppose I suck? This feels like way too much pressure.

By the end of it, I felt so relieved. I think I spoke a bit too quickly but other than that, it went well. I handled all the questions well, and I received many compliments both about my presentation content and style. Relief. So why is it that I freak myself out so much?

My gut instinct seems to always be flight. Run. Escape. You can't do this. You've bitten off more than you can chew. Loser. Doesn't that sound awful?

If you've been following my blog, you can probably notice this pattern even in the way I approach weight loss. New exercises intimidate me. Fear of failure haunts me. Feelings of self-doubt and incompetence overwhelm me. It's exhausting.

I'm happy (and even a little proud) that even though flight is my gut instinct, I always fight. Always. You'd think after all these years I would ignore the flight aspect and just focus on the fight, but it's not that easy.

I hope that one day FIGHT becomes my gut instinct and I develop the confidence and self-appreciation to allow myself to enjoy my experiences instead of keep looking at them with fear.


  1. I think quitty thoughts a lot... I wonder if that's my flight instinct. But since starting the fitness thing my new motto has sorta been "bring it on." It's amazing the sorts of accomplishments that happen when just taken head on.

  2. We all have those negative voices, I think. Most of the time I can shoo mine away; sometimes they win. But it sounds like you did great, and it should get easier with practice.

  3. These are the lessons that life is about. You CAN fight. I know you can. You are amazing, and smart, strong and beautiful. There is no reason not to believe in yourself. On the days you question your worth, seeks those out that support, love and encourage you. We are all here for you and I know, for one, I will happily take the time to tell you that you are Ah-MAz-Ing and that you can do anything!!
    I am proud of you!

  4. Congratulations on your success. I am so proud of you! I would have been nervous and wanting to puke as well... but you stuck to it and succeeded. You are stronger than you think.

    Thank you so much for all the support you give me on my blog. It truly means the world to me. I couldn't ask for a better friend.

  5. Gahh I'm trying to write a comment but I just get errors!

    I was just trying to say that when we beat those voices in our heads that are telling us we CAN'T, it's a million times more worthwhile. IN YOUR FACE, I think. Although I guess that's in my face?! :p


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